oooops...

i did it again :|

i don't know what possesses me to keep on trying. but i spent another tedious morning poring over mindless dull websites, measuring, melting and mixing - nose pressed against the oven door, watching my latest batch of 'deeply fudgey brownies' bake...

i ate one straight from the oven, as it is mandatory for us professional chefs to taste our wares... soooooo not fudgey. but rest assured, swore the recipe, once cooled they would be SO decadently fudgey you would only be able to eat a teeny one, or risk certain "death by chocolate" (eye roll). i fanned and blew on the next brownie furiously til it was not hot, but still kind of warm = still only somewhat fudgey and definitely not deeply. whatever!! watched a intensely boring episode of Dr Phil and vacuumed the car and returned = S-T-I-L-L not deeply fudgey! sigh. AND i had eaten three! i give up. i blame the oven (and GWB... because i only have 40 more days to blame everything on him!!!!!)

on my walk last week i saw my entire date of birth - year too - etched into the sidewalk. i didn't give it a second thought at the time as it was raining and i had just 25 minutes left to walk the remaining 4 miles to school (ie, not enough time to dilly dally over sidewalk art). now i can't find it! i have looked and looked and looked but can i find it? no! i wonder if it was just a figment of my overactive imagination? or a hallucination caused by walking too fast? a rainy day illusion?

today i ordered hanna andersson pjs for the boys. one pair red and one pair green. then i changed my mind and Xed out the order. then i ordered them again in red and red. then i chickened out. and i ordered some more in green and red or was it red and green. anyway i am not sure what Hanna will make of the mess but if they show up, it will be a suprise to see what i actually ordered:)

yay. youtube is back. and not a moment too soon!

must log out. yahoo messenger is on the blink and i can't live without it. back later

last christmas

for the first time in my life i am voluntarily pressing > and listening to "Last Christmas" by Wham! (the exclamation point is mandatory, and i dont like it, so i changed every Wham(!) song to be filed under George Michael)

i have hated this song since the first time i heard it on Top of the Pops and Saturday Superstore in 1983. ask any British person what their most traumatic memory of the 80s is and they will say without hesitation "christmas after christmas after christmas after christmas hearing that song played from september onwards in every Miss Selfridge, Asda and Woolworths"....

finally around 1992 these songs just osmosed into our DNA and we failed to even feel discomfort anymore upon hearing them. now, as i listen to "Last Christmas" with my brand new American ears for the first time.... i actually... gasp.... i actually kind of like it! i have to say... that check for $675 has been money well spent so far:)

i have spent the entire day looking for the beater for my kitchenaid mixer thing. and it would appear we have a LOT of junk in our junk drawers. but no beater blade.... yawn

oh my gosh. youtube is currently performing site maintenance. they say "Be cool - we'll be back 100% in a bit" urgh, be cool???! do they know i neeeeed to watch the Faith video NOW??! it's an emergency like it is every night! be cool... whatever. i need my hubbie to put on his cop glasses stat;)

random pics:

twenty-one point five years late for the party...

.... but i am so in love with the dirty dancing soundtrack (thanks Barry Manilove for drawing my attention to it on his 80s album) gosh darnit, i might even consider watching the movie too!

Danny came home from preschool agush about his new girlfriend named "Terror" who just turned four also :)

Oprah yesterday = oh my gawd... nauseating. Dr Oz, who i hear from a very reliable source is a grade A bonesmoker together with over-indulged, annoying, whiny asshole OCD people who are afraid of specks of dirt and invisible germs. apparently it's a life-destroying disease you know :| whatEVER.

Obama smokes??? but i thought he quit? doesn't he realize this type of lie that is nothing to do with the way he does his job is grounds for impeachment?? Obama.... don't you dare let me down!! i sat with 17,999 immigrants to become a citizen to get YOU elected...

is Boston Legal really over? noooo!!! it can't be so! i can't tell from the awful awful awful abc site, who writes that crap? urgh! and the bios?? pathetic. i don't know who exactly would be interested in emmys and film credits? the people (ie. me) want to know if Alan Shore has any pets and most importantly their names, about marriages and divorces, date of birth... the really important stuff!

tuesday

baby it's COLD in here! sooooo cold, in fact, i was forced to close the windows and dig out a sweater and jeans. it's inevitable, but we are putting off having to turn on the heating... how i dread that 'first cold snap of winter' heinous toasting rodent skeletons smell. sigh. life.is.a.bitch.and.then.you.die! yes!

Ruby bugs me. i guessed it a loong time ago when i worked for her organization and she charged her pitiful employees $47.25 to dress up in that ridiculous striped uniform... but for her 26th birthday (she is old by the way, she hasn't been 26 for a hundred years...) she was giving away her burgers for $2.60. in orange county. where everyone is all "fur coat and no knickers" as my Grandma would say. so, the line.... oy the line stretched for miles! and they even ran out of food!! kids were collapsing with exhaustion, entire retirement communities forming an angry mob on their walkers... it was a mess!!! but i got my burger, damnit! thanks Ruby (you still suck though!)

i really really should take my multivitamins. if i stop for so much as a week, i get flu, major exhaustion and a twisted ankle. but i hate unscrewing the awful childproof lid....

speaking with my showbiz correspondent MCJ... is Jay Leno REALLY taking the Law and Order 10pm spot? whhhhat? but we have a GOOD president now... does Obama know of this abomination? surely this should come above the financial bailout and picking a pound puppy? Jay Leno - my family portrait liquifying nightmare on TV every night instead of my favorite bedtime stories? so not cool!

also not cool: walking with dinosaurs. actually they are pretty cool (if you're 4) but ticketmaster are assholes. it's information highway robbery. the tickets are like $30, though they start at $100... in what world does someone spend $100 for a kid to see rubber dinosaurs roar at each other for an hour??! anyways, $30 for the 'cheap seats' where we always reside. but... $10 'convenience fee'?? convenience? for who???? we are sooo not going (as Danny collapses in tears behind me - kidding, he could care less and would probably be bored after 10 minutes and report that dinofors are all dead anyway, guys!:)

back later, must thaw hands and brew more coffee - it's very cold here!

dear george, i love you

it's not 1983 and i am not 12 but i am still madly in love with George Michael and his Careless Whispering. all his website hits and views on youtube i am sure are down to me and everyday i have something urgent to research on George - what his dogs are called, whether he prefers chicken or beef....

speaking of George... when Aaron wears his 'bad cop' sunglasses and has the sculpted stubble, they could be twins :)

i hate Betty Crocker. and don't get me started on Duncan Hines. it's a looong story but i am never - NEVER EVER - making a cake ever again. asshole volcano cake... (though thank you guardian angel Aaron for salvaging the world's biggest disaster from being hurled at 325mph at the wall)

today we got a piano! or as Danny calls it a 'pin-(long pause)-nanno'. it's still in the van since we ran out of enthusiasm and gusto by the time we got it home. now i neeeeed to move next door to a kindly lady who will give my boys piano lessons in return for coffee, scones and Flipping Out marathon companionship :)

"hate" is a really bad word in some (ever-increasingly-nauseating) circles but today it is truly the only word that fits the bill. i hate coupons. they're the work of the devil. i have this coupon burning a hole in my wallet for gap. i have to spend $75 to get 25% off.... it's just too tempting. though i have to admit i hate gap too these days. they are so "mac" and irritating i can barely stand them but i do so love their high key ads with gorgeous people of every ethnicity. anyways today in a bid to use my good coupon i tried on the 'long and lean' jeans. i am 5 feet 1.75 inches tall :| it seems soooo californian and disfunctional to buy 'long and lean' jeans in petite... so i decided to STOP THE INSANITY and walked out with just one stripey hat and one stripey hat only (which didn't cost $75 - sigh)

must go to bed, Aaron promised to braid my hair like Malia Obama tonight, for Danny's birthday party tomorrow. i hope he didn't forget :)

the birthday boy (as he refers to himself)


a family portrait - with baby diplodocus in T Wex's mouth


why baking sucks part 1

but bless his heart, he loved his (in dinosaur voice) "T WEX CAKE WITH M&Ms"!


why bedtime is sooo much easier (thank you MCJ!)

heaven is a kiss and a smile

we had the bestest sweetest day with our baby... and it's not even his birthday yet. we drove to the huntington library (via superwalmart, naturally) listening to Barry's new 80s CD - Graham i love it!!! thank you so so much, it made my entire day! i found a wonderful new superwalmart to meet Theresa at for future shopping trips and we fell in love with the huntington gardens, as did the boys.

wednesday's amble through the ramble

so after making my first ever successful photo book yesterday i was filled with lofty ideas and set about making a SECOND book and a THIRD book... etc etc. big mistake. HUUUUUGE. i spent the entire rest of the day watching the dots spin endlessly in a circle while dying to pee/eat/put on warmer clothes and STILL no book to show at the end of it. thanks for NOTHING, Sam Walton!!!!!!!! (but hey, my first book already shipped, so thank YOU Sam Walton :)

took Danny to the park today. i never talk to anyone, i hide behind my camera and dark glasses and pretend to be invisible so i don't have to talk to moms of Tanners and Shelbys about gymboree and the merits of the canon sureshot. anyway while Danny was begging me to pwwwwweease poop an egg in the dinosaur nest(sandbox), a kindly grandma asked if he was four (because poop and dinosaurs are a very four year old thing to like:) turned out she was from the Cape area and we chatted for hours on end about sand dunes and white houses with weathered shingles against very green grass... about my moving there and leaving vacuous Orange County behind, about how the stars shine brighter against the deep velvet sky over the Cape and how you can spin in circles and feel the space and atmosphere around you. siiiiighhhh... i swear she was an angel sending me a message.

must start work on Danny's birthday cake - he wants a cake in the shape of a dinosaur. i guess i have been asking too many questions lately about it because apparently i am 'bweaking' his heart asking whether the cake should resemble a predator or plant eater.

britney is touring!!!! but i am not going.... god love her, but i only endure $25 parking, getting wanded and frisked, and sitting next to obnoxious drunken women with tattoos and pierced faces for gay icons the likes of George Michael/Barry Manilow. and she is soooooo NOT there yet...


random pics:
Sam is a genius. he changed his 'happy thanksgiving' sign to read 'happy christmas' by turning the G upside down and making the N and I look like a M... sigh, how i love him!!! oh and no news is good news you know :)

the mitten advent calendar (far away enough that you can't see that 23-25 are missing :) the electrolux broom thingie is a broken down piece of junk, i don't recommend it

the magical Obama bracelet, Danny found it on election night and insisted i wear it. now i cannot take it off since it clearly has magical powers:)

i did it!!!!!!

reason 534 why i love Walmart (and am not ashamed to admit it...)

i actually made a photo book!! and it took like 7 minutes!! and it was $6.96!

OK, clearly it isn't going to be an Asuka work of art, but it's for an 8 year old of his birthday snapshots from his Mummy and Daddy and he is going to LOVE it :)

even with distractions such as dinosaur cookies begging to be eaten, cats scratching at the fabric of my chair, an insatiable urge to run to Joanns and emails with subjects like THIS: NEWSFLASH: Fly Worldwide from Southern California, $59 & up‏... i actually made a PHOTO BOOK!!!

and it was easy! Sam Walton - mmmmmmwah!!!!! i LOVE you!!

toosday/chewsday

i say chewsday but aaron says toosday. these little differences fascinate me especially to see which way my boys choose to pronounce words, Sam uses mostly English pronunciations, Danny mostly American. pree-sentation. tom-ay-to. ga-raj. al-ooo-minum. queue-pon. may-sure (that one makes me feel weird) i could go on and on... but i am sure it's only fascinating to me :)

i am a little bummed today, i know i know, same story... different day. i have been saving electricity for an entire MONTH, turning off ceiling fans on boiling hot days, reading in the dark, doing laundry at midnight, only to find we shaved just 50 kilowhatevers off our bill. i blame Bush (for everything! it's his fault i have been glued to the TV/internets for the past month)

so i have this bottle of 'Cape Cod air' by my kitchen counter... i bought it there and transported it home in bubble wrap and layers of clothing so as not to lose any of the magical air inside. sometimes when the going gets rough i take a deep breath from my bottle and drift off to Nauset Heights for a couple of blissful minutes... anyway today i noticed my bottle of "authentic" Cape Cod air was actually made in CHINA. NOT in Cape Cod??! can i sue? if so, i want to be a storyline on Boston Legal with Alan Shore in my corner :) is that show REALLY canceled? it can't be, i love it... it's just not fair!

i am making one of those godforsaken picture books for Sam of his birthday. yes i have been threatening to actually complete a book for years but today i am determined to conquer my demon. sure, since i started it i have been distracted by an iTunes emergency download, Oriental Trading Company's sale, an email from an old friend, two trips to the toilet and a hugfest with Blackjack, a sudden need for lavender and amber perfume, warmer socks, 3 cups of coffee, a quick IM chat, searching for a deeply fudgey brownie recipe... but now... i am DEFINITELY working on the damned book!!! back later when it's done (hahahhhhahaaa!!)

white rabbits, white rabbits, white rabbits!

it's been a nutty couple of days and i am feeling toxic due to:
a) no time to take pictures for own dopamine release
b) no time to sit and blog away my troubles
c) not enough fast food or in fact any food...
it shows in my pissy-mistic attitude and unwashed hair pulled into the world's greasiest bangtail. must blog, must order animal fries, must take pictures asap. oh and wash my hair :) that's a MUST.

the boys received their letters from Santa Claus today (shh... they were sent via North Pole, Alaska. thanks Sarah ;) (maverick variety wink) every year i think it will be the last year Sam believes in Santa Claus and despite being told by the white SUV kids at school that Santa doesn't exist, the boy has a mind of his own and still believes in the magic :)

today i achieved something even bigger than world peace. i received my christmas cards via Mr UPS who usually claims our house doesn't exist... i survived the post office and they actually had holiday stamps in stock (but Danny wanted Mickey Mouse stamps instead:)... i got my children to actually SIGN the cards... and got 93% of them in the outgoing mailbox! that pesky 7% of dead letter office letters on my desk depress the hell out of me - they're missing zip codes, last names, or i have to somehow find out if they are still alive/married/... sigh that 7% gets me DOWN :(

speaking of the most wonderful time of the year i attempted to do some Christmas shopping this weekend. gawd how i hate buying useless crap that really doesn't suit the recipient but just checks the name off my list. i just suck at buying gifts unless they are for me :) anyways, i bought this completely LAME "domestic goddess" piece of crap apron kit thing from Joann's (nearest Joann's from Cape Cod: 20 miles) it is totally impossible to make (my skill level is roughly that of a 6 year old) so then i bought a bracelet kit from Michael's (distance from Cape Cod also 20 miles) for ages '8 years and up'... we will see if i can handle moving to 3rd grade art. somehow i know it will still be in my drawer on Christmas Eve at 9pm and i will sit up all night making/cursing it. urgh... can we cancel this Christmas and just stay in Vegas til 20 January 2009?

sigh. my DVR is 4% full. is there anything more depressing than a sad looking empty DVR with just a couple the Soup repeats? for some reason my asshole DVR decided to not record Oprah or Desperate Housewives this week. maybe it can sense my building disdain for those shows and is giving them a week or two of rehab.... which doesn't make sense because my DVR DOES record the entire season of Real Housewives of Atlanta every single day (which i admit to loving... but you can only watch a catfight so many times... i am soooo on Nene's side by the way, and there is NO WAY Kim is under 40:) hehe... i love that show!

soothing songs of yesteryear playlist:
love me tender - elvis
mona lisa - nat king cole
let it be - beatles
catch the wind - donovan
moon river - frank sinatra

random pics:
we heart smiley boxes

Mr Bumps has been in that spot since friday... day and night :)
Sam and his 'green town' school project (that Aaron and I work tirelessly on:)

i had to check the temperature to make sure hell had NOT frozen over (it was 73 degrees.... sorry Graham:) but this is a picture of my kids actually being nice to each other!

Scranton, our elf on the shelf, is working his magic over my boys (thank you Jodi for Scranton, he is very loved:)

our poor starfish are one by one disappearing from the tree (Romeo doesn't like to eat ribbons however:)