deep sigh

as if i needed an excuse not to work out... i am the world's worst procrastinator about working out. when i am working out all i can think is what a waste of time. i would rather be:

• taking pretty pictures! of pretty flowers in a glass milk bottle on the windowsill! or perfectly decorated cookies in soft light!
  
• catching up with old friends on the phone!! (even though i have a serious phone allergy)
• cleaning!! (ditto the allergy, cleaning products give me hives)
• mopping!! (epi-pen required i am soooo deathly allergic to mopping)
• folding laundry!! (kill me now, i would rather DIE than fold laundry)
• reading!!! (and believe me i don't read - EVER. and i mean E-V-E-R!)....

ANYTHING!!!! but working out. it seems like such a waste of my life - as Dr Phil says 'burning daylight'. so true! ok, technically he says that about fighting with one's spouse, but heck, it does seem to fit for exercise too, right? it is a total complete waste of daylight.

and now this awful rape on the trail!! as if i needed a reason to quit. now let me tell you, i do NOT think anyone would ever mess with me. for one thing i stink - i refuse to wear anti-perspirant on my walk because i'm supposed to be sweating! i do it to sweat. so yes i STINK. i also consider the vapor trail of sweat my safety mechanism for attackers too. keep away or get covered in my stink and the police will be able to smell you a mile away, and when they pick you up you will be scrubbing your skin raw with tomato juice. number two: i am mean. i can kill people with my eyes - no weapon required. i might be small but i am BIG on attitude! but still.... i walk down that trail almost daily. with George Michael berating Mr Bush in my ears at full volume.

now consider exhibit B. my friend Kyle was hit by a car while jogging on Monday. she is alright, but badly hurt, covered in stitches and bruises and very traumatized. i cross roads ALL THE TIME - and i am kind of clumsy and don't always check. and i always have Danny with me, which is the truly scary part. i could live with being flattened by a car but not so much my precious little Danny Bear (who refuses to wear a seatbelt and i am going to start absolutely insisting... and a bike helmet.... and elbow/knee pads)

seriously, someone up there does NOT want me to work out... so today they win. but i have to figure out how to lose weight without losing my life. it sucks!!!

things you should avoid when you are premenstrual

tustin ranch costco. at all costs!! it is a very very very bad place to shop. how many more times do i have to blog about it before Obama closes it down already (BEFORE guantanamo, please and thank you) and makes it into a museum of all that's bad about Orange County. no-one smiles - they can't because they have botoxed faces (:| like this you see) and people run over your children to get the last sample of granola bar. the line to the food court is so long you could die before you get your mocha freeze. the checkers are all gross old sex offender looking men with tobacco stained hair and fingers. it's like hell on earth. but even worse!

tustin ranch target. oh my. how i hate that place. i hate how OC everyone is. OC = perfect but only on the surface, interested yet checked out, bubbly yet flat and inflated yet hollow. if you look into people's eyes you can actually see machinery operating them - they are all robots. and useless ones at that - they don't vacuum under the bed or spin entertainingly in circles. i am NOT from OC. i am NOT from OC. i am NOT from OC.

i said... i am NOT from OC.

tustin ranch Buca di Beppo. our order - one bowl of spaghetti and bread. it took 35 minutes to cook a BOWL OF SPAGHETTI!!!!!!! it was a slow painful near-death experience - being deprived of pasta and bread at this time of the month is tantamount to torture.

did i mention we also went into Toys R Us? in tustin ranch???! a heinous place to be in any city one ANY given week of the month, but in tustin ranch on 'hell week'? not good.

anyway, my eating for the day. it's been a difficult day, all told :)

• yogurt. i am soooo sick of typing this. luckily it doesn't taste as boring as it sounds :)
• two cups of coffee
• one waffle french fry and half a chicken nugget at Chick Fila (what the hell kind of place is this? chicken for breakfast???)
• vegetable soup - again i ate 2.5 servings (ie, a can) with bread. tried NOT to eat the bread. failed :(
• strawberries and yogurt
• far too many samples at Costco, this little piggie loves samples :)
• spaghetti and teeny pieces of bread to make it seem more
• one inch caramel shortcake from Thorntons, UK.... soooooo worth going to the UK for :)
• 4 laffy taffy (hangs head in utter shame)

and exercise... the 4.6 mile walk. but, this is shocking - i just found out my neighbor was RAPED on the trail i walk on everyday! seriously, i am glad that man is in jail because i would have to cut him to pieces if i saw him, no questions asked. anyway i must invest in a can of mace next time i am at walmart (and maybe a nice little handgun to keep next to my iPod and water bottle:)

pics from the day:

walmart

i tend to love my walmart. a little too much, if there was an app for walmart locations, i would so have that app and use it. i know it is a sucky place and everyone thinks shopping there is beneath them but i love it. well, except for today... i needed some dirt so we went in through the garden center. what the hell is with the wizened old dragon they keep on the door? the split second i took my eye off Danny she came running over to tell me Danny shouldn't touch the plants because he might get hurt. whatever. back off lady! you heard me, Eunice, back the hell OFF! if Danny wants to touch the plants and get his finger pricked, then lesson learned. he isn't tearing them apart and he can touch them all he likes, it's a store (a sucky store at that) not a museum. and ps. i don't need parenting advice from someone no longer capable of bearing children. now good day!

next the chatty checker with the torn earlobes (can't look! won't look!! argh, i did!!) and the corn rows. who bleated on and on to everyone about how awesome her hair is and how everyone compliments her on it (i didn't, so technically everyone doesn't :) and how long it takes to do and how much it hurts when it's first done, ie. today. blah blah blah WHO CARES??! just scan my effing dirt and i'll be on my way, if you please. so she scanned each bag. twice, i can count beeps :| i told her she made a mistake. hands on hips, big attitude - she tells me "no, i got 'em all" (cue: annoying bubblegum pop). gasp, yes but TWICE!! would she believe me? no! i had to insist she check her little computer thing and sure enough, my beep counting was right. as i put my stuff in the cart, i happened to notice she had dropped my gardening supplies so they didn't even make it inside a bag. what the hell!??? ANNND when i got home, i had the atkins power shakes that were probably the lunch of the poor woman before me. it's a sad day when i say walmart is crap. but today, walmart is CRAP!!!!!!!!!

back later...

no rain

it rained all over the 'southland' today - thunder, lightning, hail, even! except for over the one square mile where i live:| it's just not fair! actually it did rain for all of 12 seconds - the 12 seconds it took me to walk from my car to the grocery store. but not long enough for me to get home and hibernate with hot tea, digestives and the latest bbc america documentary. grr.

tonight i don't have the time to blog. we are watching Mommie Dearest, but i do have to quickly file my energy income and expenditure report.

sooo, today i ate:
one yogurt boston cream pie just for a change :)
two cups of coffee
75% of a small banana
a bite of a m&m cookie forced at me by Danny (i couldn't refuse...)
campbells french onion soup that tasted suspiciously like stomach lining vomit
one slice of whole grain bread to enhance the taste of the soup
2 red gummi-vites
a one inch square caramel shortcake (i pulled off some of the chocolate to remove some calories)
the heel of the warm french bread driving home from the store... (je ne regrette rien)
steak. corn. onions and mushrooms. half a baked potato shaped like a heart (cute)
a large bite of Aaron's cinnamon roll
a small bite of Danny's cinnamon roll (thanks boys!)
one more gummi-vite

exercise:
6.7 miles at 67 degrees. but i had to RUN most of the way because i lingered too long at Trader Joes tasting hut (.... oh yes i need to add a sampling of garlic naan and curry above) and i was late picking up Sam so it felt more like 8.7 miles at 87 degrees... phew!

oh well, off to shower and watch the movie in bed :)

me

i'm easily distracted. yes i am. i have sat down at least 20 times to buy Barry Manilow tickets at the Hollywood Bowl. then i remember, i wanted to put in some laundry, including what's on the bed which is another source of distraction, since then i need to sort the sheets by thread count and usability in summer months. how good the bed looks makes the bathroom look bad... so i have to wash and replace the towels in there too. then come back again.... oh i'll just turn on "it", the robotic vacuum cleaner. and get a drink. and some soup - seriously one teeny can serves 2.5 people??? in whhat world??! ok, back to ticketmaster! ohhh but there is a message on facebook - must just peek at that. which reminds me, i need to email that person a picture - which needs to be processed. oh yes, and i wanted to download pics from my camera. and quickly glance at the prices of the 15mm on amazon. and so it goes.........

i do not have one of those disorders though, ADD, OCD, whatever. personality disorders are for Americans only! i just have a busy mind. always. and look at all i got done while buying those tickets!

why oh why oh why when i ask my children to help... and they actually listen... do i live to regret ever asking for help. case in point: the two ever-empty dog food bowls that i fill up 25 times a day... so i asked Danny to fill them up and the dogs started to dance around the room with glee. ten minutes later he was still in the garage, singing 'i wike to move it, move it!' over and over and playing with all the 18month+ toys in the goodwill pile. "hey! dog food - remember??!" "oh yes, Mama! coming!!" and suddenly crash! spilled dog food all over the garage floor. and under the car. and inside all the shoes. and inside all the bags. and under the washer. and dryer. all out bawling! too distraught was he to help pick one single nugget of dog food up. thanks Danny... nice try anyway :(

sheesh, i don't know where he gets his inability to stay on track and his emotional outbursts from - must be his father :)

shhhhh!

the robotic vacuum cleaner is fast asleep (or a-peep as Danny would say:) it's little light on top looks like it is breathing softly - aww! and when it is ready for work, it plays a little fanfare. and when it gets stuck it goes 'uh-oh' and just sits and waits for help. soo cute!! i usually think naming things is completely lame, but i need to name this little robot, it feels like one of the family already. i think "it" would be a great name!

it loves going under our bed... trust me that is not a safe place for a little robot! then it cries out 'uh-oh!' because of all the discarded dryer sheets and dust bunnies that get tangled up in it's wheels... bless it's heart for trying though! i would NEVER attempt to clean under the bed :|

it has picked up 3 whole pans full of dirt so far. (i have to whisper this next part...) don't tell it, but to be honest i can do a better job, but it is certainly an improvement over the hair and dust just swishing around in midair.

anyway, there is life beyond the vacuum cleaner, i swear! ok not much really, but today i walked 9.5 miles. yes! that's practically a half marathon. now my sunburn has sunburn but i am very eager to weigh myself in the morning and see if a pound has magically melted off yet! NO MORE FOOD TODAY!! nil by mouth!!

today i did eat:
half a cup of vanilla fat free yogurt that had been left open overnight so i am assuming it contained less calories than a fresh one
a small banana (fresh... i do believe the browner ones contain more sugar)
half a freedom gummi-ring and one red gummi-vite
one yoplait boston cream pie yogurt
strawberries with fat free yogurt (i like the yogurt... can you tell?!)
chicken breast, penne, sundried tomatoes and archichoke for dinner
since then nothing - and once it hits 6pm, i go on hunger strike :)

oh well... that's it for tonight. more stories about "it" and other stuff tomorrow!!

lensbaby sunflower

my windowsill nursery - where i keep a watchful eye on the cuttings of my plants (have no doubt they will all die... i SUCK at gardening)

love and don't loves

• i love emoticons
• i don't love things like this ~ and |/| used instead of words :|

• i love bare escentuals
  
• i don't love the woman who does their infomercials. her eyes are too far apart and no amount of mineral veil can fix that

• i love people who stop for pedestrians
  
• i don't love people who don't stop for pedestrians (people who go to Trinity Presbyterian church, i'm talking about YOU)

• i love Honda and Toyota
  
• i don't love BMW and Mercedes

• i love Trader Joes
  
• i don't love (no... HATE) whole foods. it doesn't even deserve capital letters

• i love Ruby
  
• i don't love jon&kate (who also doesn't deserve capital letters...)

• i love cursing when used in casual everyday conversation, for example 'what a fucking jackass'
  
• i don't love when someone says 'OMG i fucking love you'. i find it offensive:)

• speaking of which i have no love equivilent but i h-a-t-e OMG/LOL/ROFL/IRL... and the worst one ever... DH instead of dear husband. when does one ever call one's husband dear????!

• i love rusty old playgrounds
• i don't love the little gym

• i love crocs
• i don't love ugg boots

• i love the ocean
• i don't love "the river"
  

• i love down-to-earth
• i don't love pretentious

• i love gap
• i don't love old navy

• i love noon
  
• i don't love 1pm :(

• time to walk......

i am old

yesterday i did the hundreds. JUST the hundreds. and now i cannot even cough without feeling like i have an infected tummy tuck incision. ohh my sore abs! it's official, i suck. but it's also official that pilates could possibly rock my world (if i did the entire workout...)

in better news i made my own coffee this morning and it didn't suck. more creamer, that was the key, like 3 scoops of creamer.

friday is Danny's half birthday. shh don't tell Danny, i don't think he can do the math yet :) but he has been begging for a plasma car (as if i needed an excuse to get one:) and always drags me to the TV when the giant cupcake infomercial comes on "wook at this Mama! this is something a lady would like!! want to get it?" ohh Danny boy... you don't know me well enough yet - i already have it, child! and i'm making it on FRIDAY and covering it with dinosaur candles and presenting you with your very own plasma car with the license plate "GODANNYGO" (which he chants whenever he needs a little mental encouragement :)

today's agenda: pilates. not eating anything but grapes. Costco. a walk to Michaels followed by dragging a helium tank home balanced precariously on Danny's stroller :) Steph and Theresa, i had the bestest time yesterday with the balloons at the beach - oh yes, and i need to stop by Walgreens for sunburn relief:) i hope i can look at my pictures today (computer needs to STOP saying no)

off to watch the robotic vacuum cleaner - who needs cable? it's a thing of beauty - especially the4 panic stricken animals pinned against the walls fearing for their lives. yes it's YOUR fur, guys!! the robot is staying :|

monday night

my nose is doing the strange thing again where it looks unusual when i close one eye and look sideways at it... is it odd to bring it up at my next doctor's appointment?

today so far, i have eaten not very much.
the list:
one inch of a banana
a can of diet coke
one chicken breast
rice-a-roni
corn
2 flaky biscuits (urgh... my moment of pathetic weakness)
strawberries and fake cream
a bite of one of Danny's freshly baked warm pains au chocolat - ohh it was GOOD!

sadly (ok not so sadly;) i was unable to work out, thanks to the DVD being broken. therefore i was unable to do my Pilates for Dummies. but thankfully Aaron fixed it ready for tomorrow's work out (grr....)

the robotic vacuum cleaner is here! as is my fancy remote control that i can hold behind my back for my camera! and a certificate for a free build-a-bear! it's been a wonderful day in the neighborhood. not to mention getting sunkissed at the beach and letting the kids play all day long. oh yes, mr rogers would have approved of today :)

pics so far...

damnitalltohell

argh. i forgot to say 'white rabbits white rabbits white rabbits' this morning first thing. so the month is officially doomed to failure :| i did say it after talking numerous times but somehow i just know it won't count - the words must be the first uttered to ensure success :(

i cannot make coffee. i watch how Aaron makes it and i do exactly as he does and it just tastes better when he does it. why is that?

my kids are on the edges of their seats watching the news coverage of the missing Air France plane. my kids are so strange, aren't they?

in other news - this morning i had 2 spoonfuls of oatmeal and a yoplait boston cream pie yogurt. and two cups of coffee. so far so good on the diet....

back with more after the beach.... and the arrival of the ROBOTIC VACUUM CLEANER!!!!!!!!