Thursday, September 24, 2009

how to turn traffic lights green

have your child drop a toy that you must attempt to turn around backwards to try to find - voila, the light will change instantly to green :)

start writing a list... it can be a list about anything, it doesn't matter - the second your pen touches the paper the light will magically change and the person behind will honk because you sat at a green light for 0.08 seconds. try this at every light, it works!

attempt to read something very important. the lights for your entire journey will all turn green and stay green forever :|

attempt to program an address into your GPS, i just know the computer brain in my GPS and the computer brain in the traffic light are mocking me and conspiring against me

attempt to find a song on your iPod. the second you click through the music menu, then the song menu, then through 20,000 songs you only kind of like to find the one song you really like, the light will turn to green and you won't be able to find the exact song you wanted and you will end up listening to roxanne by the Police instead :(

put lotion on your hands - this one works like a charm :)

old people are great at turning lights to green too - the second they step into the street to cross, their white-man-walking turns to a red-hand-flashing and do they get a move on? no they do not!! they shuffle across as slow as they, spilling things and looking completely bewildered and next thing you know your light's on green but you would be heartless if you did anything but just sit there, slowly dying as your light cycles back to red....

it doesn't matter how long you sit at the red light - as your turn approaches, you hear sirens in the distance and your stomach drops.... you scan for the flashing lights.... and as soon as that light turns to green, the fire truck approaches and takes just long enough to get through the intersection that your light is back to red :| repeat scenario with a second fire truck next time it is about to turn green....

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