Wednesday, February 17, 2016

chandeliers, resort fees, little bunny foo foo and cat hunger strike

i've pretty much given up on the idea of the house having lights that i actually find attractive.  light is infinitely better than darkness, so any chandelier will do* :|  (*but not really... some really are vomit inducingly awful)


don't you hate resort fees?  i just canceled a hotel because of one.  just charge me $25 more and don't make me pay for parking, free local calls (I HAVE A PHONE AND BESIDES I HATE MAKING PHONE CALLS!!!) and 2 bottles of bedside water and we will both be happy (me: not so much happy but not totally pissed off before i even arrive...)

Little Bunny Foo Foo (sung by an adorable kindergartner missing his front teeth) has been playing on an eternal loop in my head of 70 hours nonstop.  and i am NOT complaining, i love it :)

i hate candles with a passion but i found one i love SO MUCH i want to burn it forever.  or at least warm the wax forever, candles are terrifying :|  it is called Empress Gold and according to online it doesn't even exist.  so today i'm going back to Wegmans to BUY THEM ALL!!!!!  ALL THE CANDLES ARE MINE!!!!  it smells like Chanel Mademoiselle and wonderful date nights and meals you make that actually turn out fantastic you eat the whole meal from the pan and really clean pretty houses and snuggles and early Spring and from the hair salon flippy hair.  in short: i love Empress Gold (whatever it is - i hope i didn't dream it...)

whoever flies a helicopter around and around in circles over my house every single day, since it was hit by a plane, please please take one last good look/picture/video and then stop.  you're freaking out the people rebuilding the house. they are seriously ducking for cover.  and they weren't in the house when it was actually hit by a plane :|

the cats have gone on strike.  they will ONLY eat treats :(  and ONLY Temptations.  and ONLY surfers delight Temptations, not beachside crunch Party mix (which i bought on sale... they will not accept substitutes).  if i move, they herd me to the Temptations stash.  and hold me at clawpoint till i empty the entire container out.  i have created ungrateful monsters :| 

i got a thing to ask me to go for jury duty and i really hope i get picked!  i can tell whether someone is guilty instantly, purely based on external factors like whether their eyes twinkle, how up to date their hairstyle is and whether they do that foul nose snort thing when they swallow.  maybe i should become a judge???








Tuesday, February 16, 2016

five things times 2 weeks = 10 things. hmm right

i'm in chandelier picking hell.  seriously it's a real place and it's migrainey and either too garish or too boring and unexpainably expensive and truly dreadfully awful

but we did pick a countertop.  it's called Cambria which is latin for Wales and also a nice place in California:)  it's so pretty!!! this is one thing off the stupidly long list of things that make me grind my teeth and stay up all night

also off the list: taxes.... i haaaaaaaaaaate taxes (but i do quite like the little refund that shows up 10 days later :)  

coincidentally i'm going home in 10 days.  i think going home should be covered by health insurance. it's THAT important! 

i really love chinese food.  i N-E-V-E-R thought i would say that :| and sushi.  i N-E-V-E-R thought i would say that!!!!

and middle eastern food.  i had toum on toast for breakfast :|

i still love pizza.  but not as much as the above two mentioned food groups (????)  

Lady Gaga being David Bowie at the Grammys = vomit inducing.  like bad cheap Vegas.  dear David, that is NOT what you sounded/looked like :|  AT ALL!!!!!!


the word par as in par-baked really bugs me.  why not just call it parT-baked?  why?????

also i'm in a world of confusion over my rice cooker.  i have rice and parT-boiled rice.  i don't know if you can boil parT-boiled rice in it?  urgh, how did i get sucked into the craziness of buying (sooooo many packets of) parT-boiled rice before i discovered the magic of the rice cooker???!!!  seriously!!! also: i want to invent a pasta cooker.  who has time for pans and standing around timing/stirring food????

we went to the Bernie Sanders office on Saturday.  i wanted a bumper sticker but i came away empty handed.  hmm.  the materialist, plastic-smell-loving, 6 year old me was so disappointed.  not in Bernie because i am sure he would have given me a bumper sticker, but in his volunteers. i'll still vote for him but i DO expect a bumper sticker in return.  in the mail is fine.

off to paint and get some chinese food :))))))))

Thursday, February 04, 2016

bra camis, homework, shittastic asstastic Comcast (you suck) and New York City

Garnet Hill has their amazingly awesome bra camis back.  they were gone, discontinued, supposedly for all time, for TWO ENTIRE inferior-but-much-more-expensive-bra-cami-hating YEARS.  this kind of shit should be illegal.  seriously a felony to take away something i love so deeply.  but it's back so Garnet Hill, you're off death row for now

when it's 7:48am and the bus comes at 7:55am and your kid realizes as he picks up his backpack that  he didn't start his vocabulary homework yet and starts to blub and you run to the computer, hands shaking, to basically do it yourself in under 7 minutes because if you do the drive thru lane you will want to kill people who have to get out of the car and put their kids' backpacks on their backs...?  urgh, that's the worst feeling in the world (OK, it's in the top 100 for sure) they don't tell you this kind of shit is going to happen in What To Expect When You're Expecting or the doorways of fire stations would be littered with babies :|

fuck you, ridiculously slow internet connection when i need to find out what ornithopter means.  FUCK YOU.  it's OK, Comcast, no thanks to you i figured it out in my head thanks to years of pointless latin!  you suck donkey balls and don't deserve my business other than there's only one option (so how is that an option????!)

and fuck you printer too.  the bus is actually coming down the street and you're thinking about the print request.  you and the internet should run for the the republican nomination.  because you both SUCK the life out of life

i want to go to New York this weekend.  NYC is my dog beach.  i neeeeeeed the dog beach.  and pizza :)  and wide angle pictures of skyscrapers :)  and banana pudding from Magnolia :)  and just not to be here.  sorry Massachusetts but you're not New York ;)

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

in love with Jeremiah (and i hate names with -iah at the end!)

omg computer/internet/whatever, could you be ANY slower????  i swear my computer in 1996 when it made all those purring and pinging noises to connect to AOL was faster.  (what was all that noise about...)

last night i couldn't sleep thinking how awful it would be to be blind.  it would be AWFUL to not be able to appreciate the difference between inset and overlay cabinets.  to end up with tragic leopard skin countertops (though on the plus side, you wouldn't see how dirty they are...), to not be able to watch Nate and Jeremiah's 'where are they now?' on OWN.  i guess you could listen to it but really you have to SEE it.  like, you REALLY HAVE to SEE it!!!  i never thought i would say this about one of my pretend husbands but i think Jeremiah is actually even nicer than Nate.  I LOVE HIM!!!  i have to add him to my list of pretend husbands. 

one more thing that kept me awake last night: what if the house catches fire again and we all escape via the farmers porch but the cats/dogs are too scared to jump.  urgh.  is this why i am supposed to go to therapy?  i skipped an appointment last week to have coffee with a friend instead (same as therapy but funner and cheaper, right?) but now i can't sleep.  like EVER.

i have 23 pieces of furniture in my Joss and Main shopping cart.  i want them all.  even though 7 of them are king sized beds :|

i'm addicted to maltesers.  there must be something in them that i am severely lacking nutritionally.   i must go home and get more humongous boxes.

is that five?  can i stop??!  hurray!

Monday, January 25, 2016

internet woes, kitchen woes and strawberries

if it was possible to die from a slow internet connection i would have died 17000 times today :|

i jumpstarted my car for the first time today.  it was like SO EASY!

we are planning our kitchen remodel tonight.  this has been so woefully overthought and pored over.  and i still kinda think i'm going to hate it

blah blah blah blah blahhhhhh!  i hate mondays!

i made chocolate covered strawberries for a birthday treat and despite thinking that chocolate + fruit = so so wrong, i quite like them :-)

Thursday, January 07, 2016

shakshuka, nonworking Ns, holes you dig and massholes you don't

i'm craving shakshuka like C-R-A-Z-Y.  maybe it's the eggs... or the spicy red sauce... or the falafel... or the white dippy stuff... or the bread... or maybe JUST ALL OF IT!!

i really need to figure out how to use emoticons on here and in real life.  words just don't do it.

my capital N doesn't always work.  it just worked just so i look pointless

i'm still recovering from being outdoors for an hour on Monday.  seriously New England?  this is why everyone here is sooooo dour and pasty white/green.  WE NEED SUNLIGHT!!!  WITHOUT FROSTBITE!!!

i have to admit i get so absorbed in Danny's school books that i can't wait to read them with him.  we are reading Holes.  it's beyond compulsive reading.  i can't say the same for Making a Murderer.  at best it's just, thank-God-I-don't-have-to-hear-that-accent everyday viewing... blah

i bought a table yesterday and it's kissably beautiful.  AND a total bargain!!!!

back later - must read more Holes!!!

Monday, September 07, 2015

today's laments

i always wanted to make a blanket of all the boys' old favorite shirts... but they don't have those shirts anymore :(  or any of the pillows i made from their old shirts.  urgh.  i know we could have lost people and we only lost stuff... but how i miss the familiar sentimental stuff that could make anywhere feel like home

i so miss the soft old American quilt and the sand dollar quilt and the soft rosebud sheets

and every single set of soft flannel sheets

i miss snuggling with Courage - i wish he'd just come back and be safe again

i hate that i have no pans or bakeware and this kitchen feels too different and vacation homey for me to cook in :(

i hate that Trader Joe's doesn't stock their pumpkin bread mix till 16 September when i needed it for medicinal purposes weeks ago

i'm making pumpkin bread from scratch - it's going to end horribly i just know it ;)


Sunday, September 06, 2015

5 things sunday

Cape Cod was heavenly.... i went to all my favorite places and bought utterly pointless needless things like a chunky old wooden crate, a bowl with ducks on it and a sage stick too pretty to be burnt ;)  and we had icecream, of course

i wonder what possesses everyone with a small plane to fly over and back around and then back over our "house" (now just a rectangle of concrete) since it was hit by a plane...?  people are sooooo weird.  and complete tools also. and thoughtless to boot.  there's ANOTHER plane now, it's been a whole 7 minutes since the last one (?????????)

Primark opens it's hallowed Boston doors on Thursday.  excited much....?  A LITTLE!!!!!!

even better than that: we are going home in 9 weeks and 5 days.  just sayin'

another plane flew over the house.  what the????  i'm sensitive, i know but seriously, why??????!


Tuesday, September 01, 2015

five things tuesday 1 september

dear white rabbits: work this month.  please!

i'm the mother who is sad when her kids go back to school, who gets an upset tummy for a week before because i HATED going back to school and i have major empathy for them.  plus i hate homework and lunch-making and back-to-school night and Sunday night and pretending to be nice and curbing my bad words and dark thoughts in front of other parents.  i don't have the gene that makes that kind of faking OK

lame things you lose in a fire that you don't think about till 8 whole weeks later and it hurts again for the lamest of reasons: all your favorite fonts, like ALL OF THEM!  your curling iron on the day you NEED curly hair.  the crossbars on your car - urgh, how did we leave those in the garage as we watched it get crushed and burned...?  sprinkles.  i had SO MANY PRETTY SPRINKLES!  Essie Wicked (though between you and me the word wicked is totally banned around here - my west coast streak haaaates it;).  the perfect white shirt, that has never been worn so it will be perfect and white on the day you choose to wear it.  my favorite baby lotion from England (because i'm still technically a baby:)

i'm going home in 10 weeks and 2 days.  not that i'm counting or nothing :|

you know you officially have a new favorite person when you make them scones from scratch and you sample them and they are delicious and you don't mind giving them away anyway

i just found one of those special pens made 'for her' and it's just like a regular pen :(

our car is all burnt on top.  i never thought to check the roof :|  

i quite love my new camera that has NO specks of dust on the sensor and my new lens that has enver been dropped in the ocean (the 28mm f1.8) and my new camera satchel

don't say anything but i think David Beckham could use more light in his instagram pics... they're dark. maybe that's how he likes them so i'm not going to add my negative opinion ;)

i cannot wait to go to Marks and Spencer and buy an entire kitchen of ready made wonderful food (i just fast forwarded 10 weeks and 2 days ;)  i miss curry.  and fresh bread.  and victoria sandwich cake.  and chocolate biscuits.  and chiplets.  and jelly snacks that are actually soft and squishy.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

five things 8/27/15

i wish Louis Vuitton and Cambridge satchel would get their acts together and make a LV satchel!!!  a tiny one that only fits an iPhone, a candy bar and lip gloss because seriously, what else do you need?!  car keys, yes, you DO need car keys....

Infacare is the only reason i take deep breaths these days

i love that Danny loved Gangsta Granny (almost) as much as me.  Granny died.  and as predicted i bawled my eyes out after finding Danny bawling his eyes out reading it :(

Sam is the feral kitten whisperer.  i'm embarrassed to admit it.... but i'm scared of wild kittens :|

i'm going home in 11 weeks (gasp). HOME!!!