Wednesday, February 17, 2016

chandeliers, resort fees, little bunny foo foo and cat hunger strike

i've pretty much given up on the idea of the house having lights that i actually find attractive.  light is infinitely better than darkness, so any chandelier will do* :|  (*but not really... some really are vomit inducingly awful)

don't you hate resort fees?  i just canceled a hotel because of one.  just charge me $25 more and don't make me pay for parking, free local calls (I HAVE A PHONE AND BESIDES I HATE MAKING PHONE CALLS!!!) and 2 bottles of bedside water and we will both be happy (me: not so much happy but not totally pissed off before i even arrive...)

Little Bunny Foo Foo (sung by an adorable kindergartner missing his front teeth) has been playing on an eternal loop in my head of 70 hours nonstop.  and i am NOT complaining, i love it :)

i hate candles with a passion but i found one i love SO MUCH i want to burn it forever.  or at least warm the wax forever, candles are terrifying :|  it is called Empress Gold and according to online it doesn't even exist.  so today i'm going back to Wegmans to BUY THEM ALL!!!!!  ALL THE CANDLES ARE MINE!!!!  it smells like Chanel Mademoiselle and wonderful date nights and meals you make that actually turn out fantastic you eat the whole meal from the pan and really clean pretty houses and snuggles and early Spring and from the hair salon flippy hair.  in short: i love Empress Gold (whatever it is - i hope i didn't dream it...)

whoever flies a helicopter around and around in circles over my house every single day, since it was hit by a plane, please please take one last good look/picture/video and then stop.  you're freaking out the people rebuilding the house. they are seriously ducking for cover.  and they weren't in the house when it was actually hit by a plane :|

the cats have gone on strike.  they will ONLY eat treats :(  and ONLY Temptations.  and ONLY surfers delight Temptations, not beachside crunch Party mix (which i bought on sale... they will not accept substitutes).  if i move, they herd me to the Temptations stash.  and hold me at clawpoint till i empty the entire container out.  i have created ungrateful monsters :| 

i got a thing to ask me to go for jury duty and i really hope i get picked!  i can tell whether someone is guilty instantly, purely based on external factors like whether their eyes twinkle, how up to date their hairstyle is and whether they do that foul nose snort thing when they swallow.  maybe i should become a judge???

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

five things times 2 weeks = 10 things. hmm right

i'm in chandelier picking hell.  seriously it's a real place and it's migrainey and either too garish or too boring and unexpainably expensive and truly dreadfully awful

but we did pick a countertop.  it's called Cambria which is latin for Wales and also a nice place in California:)  it's so pretty!!! this is one thing off the stupidly long list of things that make me grind my teeth and stay up all night

also off the list: taxes.... i haaaaaaaaaaate taxes (but i do quite like the little refund that shows up 10 days later :)  

coincidentally i'm going home in 10 days.  i think going home should be covered by health insurance. it's THAT important! 

i really love chinese food.  i N-E-V-E-R thought i would say that :| and sushi.  i N-E-V-E-R thought i would say that!!!!

and middle eastern food.  i had toum on toast for breakfast :|

i still love pizza.  but not as much as the above two mentioned food groups (????)  

Lady Gaga being David Bowie at the Grammys = vomit inducing.  like bad cheap Vegas.  dear David, that is NOT what you sounded/looked like :|  AT ALL!!!!!!

the word par as in par-baked really bugs me.  why not just call it parT-baked?  why?????

also i'm in a world of confusion over my rice cooker.  i have rice and parT-boiled rice.  i don't know if you can boil parT-boiled rice in it?  urgh, how did i get sucked into the craziness of buying (sooooo many packets of) parT-boiled rice before i discovered the magic of the rice cooker???!!!  seriously!!! also: i want to invent a pasta cooker.  who has time for pans and standing around timing/stirring food????

we went to the Bernie Sanders office on Saturday.  i wanted a bumper sticker but i came away empty handed.  hmm.  the materialist, plastic-smell-loving, 6 year old me was so disappointed.  not in Bernie because i am sure he would have given me a bumper sticker, but in his volunteers. i'll still vote for him but i DO expect a bumper sticker in return.  in the mail is fine.

off to paint and get some chinese food :))))))))

Thursday, February 04, 2016

bra camis, homework, shittastic asstastic Comcast (you suck) and New York City

Garnet Hill has their amazingly awesome bra camis back.  they were gone, discontinued, supposedly for all time, for TWO ENTIRE inferior-but-much-more-expensive-bra-cami-hating YEARS.  this kind of shit should be illegal.  seriously a felony to take away something i love so deeply.  but it's back so Garnet Hill, you're off death row for now

when it's 7:48am and the bus comes at 7:55am and your kid realizes as he picks up his backpack that  he didn't start his vocabulary homework yet and starts to blub and you run to the computer, hands shaking, to basically do it yourself in under 7 minutes because if you do the drive thru lane you will want to kill people who have to get out of the car and put their kids' backpacks on their backs...?  urgh, that's the worst feeling in the world (OK, it's in the top 100 for sure) they don't tell you this kind of shit is going to happen in What To Expect When You're Expecting or the doorways of fire stations would be littered with babies :|

fuck you, ridiculously slow internet connection when i need to find out what ornithopter means.  FUCK YOU.  it's OK, Comcast, no thanks to you i figured it out in my head thanks to years of pointless latin!  you suck donkey balls and don't deserve my business other than there's only one option (so how is that an option????!)

and fuck you printer too.  the bus is actually coming down the street and you're thinking about the print request.  you and the internet should run for the the republican nomination.  because you both SUCK the life out of life

i want to go to New York this weekend.  NYC is my dog beach.  i neeeeeeed the dog beach.  and pizza :)  and wide angle pictures of skyscrapers :)  and banana pudding from Magnolia :)  and just not to be here.  sorry Massachusetts but you're not New York ;)