Saturday, January 31, 2009

why is it that.....

when i go to mcdonalds for my kids' dinner i think i can safely live without their yummy delicious golden french fries and obligatory big mac. then i get home and realize i can't in fact live without them. but going back would be weak and pathetic. so i settle for a polkadotty bowl of granola mixed with cinnamon toast crunch and honey nuts and oats, and kid myself it tastes much much better than a big mac (it does not). have i ever mentioned how much i love mcdonalds. they are the same in paris as they are in manchester as they are in new york as they are at john wayne airport = perfectly consistent every single time.

i hear that the real housewives of new york are coming back. i hate to admit it... but i love them the best of all. i will simply DIE if Alex McCord isn't on this season - how i love that woman and her tumor husband, and her shockingly appallingly behaved children who can say Three Blind Mice in latin (?) but have zero social graces. i love her family. for all the very wrongest of reasons :)

though this season i am really struggling to decide which orange county housewife is the nicest/meanest. clearly, lynne is the lamest of them all. her daughter makes me so happy to have little boys - she is such a horrible hateful little creature (and her teeth are way too big and white for TV) but vicky or gretchen... both have moments of niceness and then dark moments when i just can't decide and i have to admit, it keeps me up at night. vicky says we don't know everything about gretchen. but gretchen seems so nice... urgh, it is so confusing reading all these blogs and interviews and trying to make sense of it all.

last night i dreamt about a police chase. the man eventually caught fire and turned into a lump of charcoal but kept on running anyway, ashes scattering all over the freeway. well i turned on tv and there was a police chase on! of course i HAD to watch it - all the way to the end and it went on for h-o-u-r-s. i find those police chases completely addictive - like i can't go to the toilet or get a snack, or answer the phone, i am just riveted to the spot and can't change the channel and i curse the camera man if he goes out of focus or can't keep up with the car... they are never that interesting but i just cannot turn off... can't even record them, must watch them live as they 'unfold' even if it means staying up 3 hours past bedtime :)

our dog Blackjack's health report is back!! $363 of tests later, we now know he weighs 52.9 pounds, his pulse is 120, he is bright and friendly with no social issues, his nose is moist and cool, he has normal genitalia, his gums are healthy and pink and his teeth are properly aligned.... but we still have no idea what is up with the seizures. for another $2000 our vet can cheerfully perform an MRI to discover what else is/isn't wrong with him. vets suck!!

random pics
we love superwalmart
and ruby's peanut butter cup milkshakes
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and this house which is 3 miles from superwalmart incidentally
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and it being 77 degrees
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and watching dinosaur movies
and the trampoline

Friday, January 30, 2009

little briton

i love little britain. i never did until aaron forced me to watch it one night and it wasn't as awful as i thought it would be - au contraire in fact, it was wonderfully mean and cruel! now they have an entire series taking the mickey out of americans and i love it even more :) i find myself quoting them more each day - "call me bubbles, everybody does!!" "margaret...? margaret......?" "i'm the only gay in the vill-ege".

today i had to brave the santa ana post office to collect a very urgent parcel that the postman wouldn't deliver (?) i waited 17 minutes for 3 people to be served extremely slowly. what the hell is up with the post office??!! and why do old people insist on queuing to buy 2 stamps that they could buy from a machine AND then write a check with trembling hands to pay? arrghh! anyway, the parcel was soooo worth the wait, i tore it apart when i got to my car - it was full of lovely goodies, homemade gifts and cookies that, ahem, i wolfed on the ride home :) thank you MCJ <3

this afternoon is my Sam date - we go out every friday after school and "hang out" as they say in america. i am not sure where we will end up today, but i think a Rubys peanut butter chocolate milkshake sounds reaaaaally good after all those cookies :)

today i woke with a start. more very important questions about moving out of state. i completely forgot to check how many Corner Bakeries and Paneras were in CO!! and whether Indiana has Supertargets. argh, the pounding of my heart waiting for the computer to return results is almost deafening! anyway there is only a Corner Bakery in Denver, but Paneras everywhere and the bad news - only a Supertarget 136 miles from Evansille, IN. BUT lots of Superwalmarts so i think it will be ok because they DO have 2 Fazolis which would make moving there a HUGE hit with my boys ;) Danny loves his bwedfix (breadsticks)

i keep wondering - as i struggle to keep in stock milk and cereal - why anyone would want 14 children. why???? why when you have SIX already you ever want to see another diaper ever again? i always thought having a second child was totally crazy and irresponsible. i can't even imagine buying shoes for 14 kids or keeping it straight what size everyone was in... the thought of having to remember all those shoes everytime we got in the car. or just GETTING IN THE CAR, buckling up that many car seats, dealing with that many sets of shots, ear infections, diaper rashes, nose boogers, naps, ER visits for stitches, peas up noses, the co-pays, the prescriptions, the washing, the folding, the closet pruning (oh how i hate throwing away beloved clothes that are outgrown)... i know you should focus on the white but that is a whole LOT of black to dwell on. i am blessed (repeat forever until i believe it.....)

we are waiting for blood test results for sweet Blackjack. he had a series of seizures yesterday and seems OK for now but we need to figure out just what happened to the old chap. food poisoning is the most likely... but we have no idea what caused it so we can prevent it again. i don't even want to think of the other possibilities...

back later...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

forever and a day old

after pro-ing and con-ing for days on end, i decided to go to Disneyland on my birthday yesterday after all and it was FREE :) i kept waiting for the catch... but there was none... it was indeed entirely 100% free. and i get to go back for a second day for free... how very strange and un-Disney-esque! Danny kind of liked it (i think... we stayed two hours before he begged to go home - "puweeez Mama!") i am still wondering if $5.42 a month is too much to upgrade to a pass. yup, i am that keen on the place ;)

i am getting a heat rash on my legs from excessive laptop use. i am totally addicted to - every single house in America is graded on how many libraries/schools/grocery stores/restaurants are walking distance from it! it is the best invention since being able to drive around neighborhoods with google maps looking whether houses have mailboxes by the curb, in a communal cluster of 20 mailboxes, or by each front door (must be by the front door or i can't live there). anyway now i am househunting in soooooo many states, i have to toggle between, google maps and walkscore to find out how many minutes/miles to Albertsons, Supertarget and Superwalmart. can you believe some places don't have an Albertsons? at all - never mind within walking distance. that means some Americans don't have hot fresh bread everyday at 4pm. such places actually exist and thankfully i have the internet to keep me safe from them.

snapshots from the happiest place on earth. i find it hard to say that without adding the silent "cr" to happy :) and i really really should love disneyland because we spent many wonderful carefee dates there (not to mention second date) in the days of yore... before exploding bags of pretzel goldfish, getting home for naptime and lenses complicated life. back in the days when you could park right outside the turnstiles and California Adventure was a space age idea. i am soooooooooo old.

go gadget in toontown - his very first rollercoaster ride! "scawy but awesome!"
a very merry unbirthday to him
he looooves carrousels
payment for posing with minnie and mickey - one peanut butter chocolate sandwich cookie
he really really REALLY liked storybook land - it IS totally cool though the little gardens make me sick with jealousy
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Monday, January 26, 2009

desperately seeking air and simple gifts

i have a bald spot in my iTunes listening to that song (thanks Graham) and i love it. though when it was playing at the inauguration last Tuesday, i couldn't possibly just enjoy it as it had to end ASAP so we could get the whole swearing in part over with. but i do so love it and it reminds me that not ALL of Bush's term was painful and jarring - the last five minutes were beautifully verklempt.

have i ever mentioned how awful i am at giving directions... i suck. i hate - HATE - when someone winds their window down to ask for directions. firstly i am from England, i don't know left from right, never mind east from west. and secondly i don't know street names EVER. the street target is on, del taco corner, the intersection of walgreens and fresh and easy - those should be street names... not Tustin Ave in Orange, and Newport Blvd in Tustin. anyway, today someone asked me what city we were in. which sounds totally simple... but no, it was a trick question! you can be in any of three cities within a few steps... and the one city i live in has three other names just to make life even harder. i mumbled "kind of Tustin-ish....?" and of course the man ended up doing a U-turn and coming back five minutes later, as i realized we weren't in fact in Tustin.......... aargh, seriously i need to just be invisible when i walk - my directions and advice are always always wrong.

i am still suffering endless sleepless nights about the Disneyland birthday thing. do i get a pass? and if so, do i get the whole family passes? ' they' say it's the happiest place on earth... and i'm always in the pursuit of happiness. but what if we move to Colorado this Summer? what then??! Danny has never experienced Disneyland like Sam did, and I feel like every little kid is entitled to their share of spinning teacups, riding in the monkey cage on Casey Jr, feeling like a big kid on Go Gadget rollercoaster, balmy Friday nights at California Adventure watching the Electrical Parade before falling asleep on the car ride home. sigh. i don't help matters romanticizing it. it isn't the happiest place on earth... i need to keep this in proportion.

ok enough down time back to turbotax. they are experiencing technical difficulties because they know our W2 arrived today :| assholes. i hate taxes (especially when your state is too bankrupt to actually give you your refund. do you think Arnold will sign the IOU personally?:)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

you know it's almost your birthday when........

you get emails for free milkshakes, free entrees (with the purchase of another - what kind of gift is that??), free 10 oz frozen yoghurt, a free disneyland ticket, free pie at Coco's, free dinner for maggiano's... and the real telltale sign - the milk expires on your birthday :) yes in 6 days i will be 38. i only mention the year because mine is etched into the sidewalk by my house, year and all ... and i didn't do it.

my presidential crush is growing to expedential proportions by the day. the icky tabloid shows are actually worth watching these days!!! adorably UNcreepy booty bumps (how totally megan's law would GWB have looked bumping booties with a teenage girl?), adorable husband/wife hugs that last 5 seconds and more, 7 year olds high-fiving their Dad. BE HAPPY, BUSH SOON GONE!!!!!!!!!!
a couple voting day memories, i don't miss the yes on 8 lawn signs that forced me to hate complete strangers:
aww bless Mr Small - he must have forgotten his stepstool <3

having been absolutely obsessed with moving to Cape Cod for the past 6 months the situation has become even more confusing, i am now absolutely obsessed with moving to Colorado. so much so i have compiled an excel spreadsheet to keep my vital information in order: pink means one point FOR moving to that state, orange is zero and blue is one point AGAINST ( incase you're wondering MA loses a point for baja fresh because mexican food that far east of the rockies MUST be bad)

what i want for my birthday (dear you know who you are... long's drug store has them)

"have you seen me???" posting this for a neighbor, who is quite the artist

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

am i on candid camera...?

seriously, how long does one have to endure bizarre behavior before the man jumps out and points to an out-of-place moving box and shrieks "smile! you're on candid camera!" i ask because something odd is happening everyday on my walk.

it's no secret that i like to jaywalk. always have, always will!! i hate crossing at stop signs and traffic lights and just skip across the road whenever i feel like it. and being only about 30% american i am still not sure if it is a felony or not so i always check for policemen before i do it.

anyway on my daily walk i have been encountering the same copper in his policecar at the same stop sign everyday, and i always make a point to use the darned stop sign to appease him. recently he has been zooming up to the NEXT stop sign after i cross to make sure i use that one too... each day it has got a little more insane and he now follows me about 3 miles in total :) i just figured i was on some kind of watchlist and should be grateful for the nice police escort. but today... today there were SEVEN policecars!!! SEVEN to make sure i don't jaywalk/no-one mugs me for my iPod shuffle...? did i mention that California is so far bankrupt that our tax rebates are being paid as IOUs this year?

i just watched the nightly news - for the first time in 8 years!! at last i can stand to hear what is going on around the world and watching Barack sign bills and stuff is just fascinating :) though i am not sure about Katie Couric's "new" haircut. she looks so much like Suze Orman these days and i much prefer her old look of circa 2000. i sure wish she'd get married again, i worry about her being lonely. hm, maybe she did in the last 8 years... must check on that :)

i actually managed to watch Desperate Housewives this week all the way through without getting so bored that i needed to shop online/paint my nails/get 3 rice crispie treats to make it more interesting. i cried nonstop about the handyman dying. and felt entirely lame about it... but it was so sad!!!!

ohhh and it's finally time to mail my 'i had a little American baby, could you send him a birth congrats thing' letter to the White House! i didn't want the one sent from Bush ;)

ok my computer is making a ticking noise... which must mean it is overheating and i must 'power down' for now. back tomorrow with pics :)

Monday, January 19, 2009

is it tomorrow yet???!

nope! but in one snap of-a-unisom it will be... Melissa says her computer has some fancy countdown clock online to the inauguration but of course it doesn't work for me on my pesky computer and it just says one soul destroying day to go. i need to know when it is!!! i want how many hours, minutes, seconds and milliseconds we are to being in blissful yippy skippy remission!!!

i havent shared a picture, blogged or even sat at my computer for 7 entire days. i lay in bed for an entire week and watched Split Ends nonstop. i did ok for the first 415 weeks of Bush. then i had to hibernate in my cloud bed with seven down pillows and ingest billions of milligrams of gummivites to try to stay sane. while Tom Cruise swears by vitamins for such manic moments, i am not sure it worked for the original Katie . she was swiftly replaced with a Jackie O inspired robotic doll named "Kate" who seems to be functioning well for now :) anyway i just wasn't feeling the love on week 416. that Bush has been a major thorn in my side since Sam was just 9 weeks old and now.... now one half unisom later... poof, he's GONE ;)
yes - fast forward to AFTER the inauguration... though who on earth decided to air it at 9am? who is home watching TV at 9am??? i sincerely hate living on PST and want to move to EST or even cooler back to GMT. that woman with the contrived laugh was so right, you don't know what you've got til it's gone! how come London gets the very best standard time when the inauguration is on at tea time?? and in New York they get to watch it over lunch?! i hate California (even though Diane Feinstein is pretty cool:)

my essential 1-20-09 playlist:)
shoot the dog - george michael
turn you inside out - rem
let it be - beatles
yes sir i can boogie - baccara :)
fame - irene cara
bye bye baby - bay city rollers
you are the sunshine of my life - stevie wonder
melissa casey jose - o holy night (from her forthcoming cd "songs of comfort and joy")

scenes from our perfectly saturday bonfire
our afterschool date at Watson's olde-worlde Drugge Store
1-19-08 hijinks
Sam watched at school on a shaky portable tv, we watched at home
the boys renamed these homemade peanut butter candies 'Obama balls'...and they'll be Obama balls forever more :)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

don't worry.....

soon is finally (almost) here!!!!!!!!!!!

last night i had the worst dream EVER. we were on a cruise. the doors to all the cabins were like mouseholes and you had to crawl inside.... well i couldn't do it, not for all the tea in China. i was sooo tired and seasick but crawling through that little space was not even an option. so i had to spend day and night on the freezing cold deck throwing up over the side for a week... note to self: never book a cruise until you see actual pictures and dimensions of the cabin doors.

a couple of nights before i dreamt i was carrying a HUGE lowercase letter that was stuffed with really heavy wet sawdust. it was so wide and so huge i could barely keep it off the ground but i had to take it everywhere i went and NEVER put it down. whhhat is with these dreams? he's soon gone, brain - take it easy :)

gawd i hate facebook. firstly i don't see the point - i have 213 virtual pets, hugs, gifts, pokes, waiting to be ignored. i want REAL gifts and hugs and ahem, pokes. it's like living in a small town where everyone knows you, your friends, your family, your business, what you're doing today, what friends of friends are doing today.... well let me tell you, i live in this vast soulless sprawl for a reason. i don't care what people are doing today! secondly, i cannot figure out the wall - people can't write on it and email me to tell me so. why not just email me to tell me what you were going to write on the wall?? i can't fix the wall thing...

at our cute little zoo... (even I like it ... and i hate zoos...)
this is Mickey the possum - oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind hey Mickey, hey Mickey. i am the only person on earth old enough to remember this
she asked him what it felt like... "a velociraptor" he replied
watching the gibbons with Big Al(losaurus) and T Wex... the monkeys were fascinated with these visitors :)

Friday, January 09, 2009

it's a beautiful day!

because someone - and whoever that person is, i thank you - has finally put their finger on why dr phil has been going rapidly down the pipes since this season started. it is, without doubt, the lamentable theme song... i hate that song, it's whiney and pathetic and i don't care to listen to christian rock, not even by proxy. yesterday someone had answered my prayers.... the lame whiney song commenced to playing as always... i rolled my eyes as always and searched frantically for the >> button but something was different... gasp, the old interjections of dr phil-isms were back!! "this is going to be a changing day in your life!"...."i want you to get excited about your life!" and then....."let's do it!!" yay!!! he's baaa-ack!

can there be ANYTHING WORSE than accidentally downloading the live version of a song? yes! the song being by U2. now don't get me wrong, i love U2 as much as the next man(more in fact, my very first CD was the unforgettable fire).... but live songs by U2 cause me more agony than paper cuts/bent back fingernails/looking at torn earlobes combined. be gone with you, live version of 11 o'clock tick tock! to the little trash can where you belong!! though the song (the cheering second i heard of it) was apparently recorded in Boston, yet another sign that we must move to the Cape....

ok, i swear i find NO PLEASURE in the catty comments on this link but i just have to share... it's too funny :) ok, and this one.... for the my little pony comment alone :) gosh, i cannot stop myself - this one is VERY VERY VERY VERY mean and i strongly strongly disapprove... but just look at number 15, how on earth does SJP run in those shoes...? ok, back in the knife drawer (for now:)

i have been thinking all day. this year is the year of celebrations at disneyland and everyone gets into disneyland on their birthday for free. but you don't get to take your entire family in too for free, i guess that would be too much to ask? and who wants to go to disneyland alone on their BIRTHDAY??? and who wants to spend $200 on something that is supposed to be free? i can't stop thinking and wondering and pondering and recorrecting and analyzing the data. is it worth it for a 'free' day out? i don't even really like disneyland... but free is good, right? it's all very confusing...

my latest dream project: i want to open a little pancake diner in cape cod. you'll be able to make your own waffles (all you can eat!)in various adorable shapes and there will be a buffet table of fruits, syrups and delicious toppings so you can make your breakfast into an ornate sundae. it will be called tiffany's. not because i like that name but because who doesn't want to have breakfast at tiffany's.... so many dreams, so little time. just watch, that jerry seinfeld wife woman person thingie will do it, she steals all my dreams (though i have NEVER dreamt of jerry seinfeld... he drops doors on innocent 4 year olds, i know this for a fact)

our afterschool date
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camping in the den with Danny and dinosaurs
puppy love
jumping jacks and scottie dogs in costco!
the pictures that only get a one star rating
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i found this note on friday morning - gulp. he wasn't kidding...
he's like the wind (my favorite song EVER by Patrick Swayze)