ohmygod

it's official - oprah is the meanest woman ON EARTH

she is ending her show - how dare she! she can't end her show - i haven't been on it yet, celebrating the release of my latest book, scolding her playfully for asking about what she said she wouldn't ask about in the green room, and grasping my hands together at the end of the show in faux humbleness as the audience delights at finding a free copy under their seat.

she CAN'T quit - i didn't write to her to have Disneyland rented out exclusively to Danny's preschool teacher, Mrs Kay, and all her former 22 years of students yet :(

or asked her if she wants to help fund the new auto mechanic school that i want to start for women, where they learn to work on cars, belonging to poor people who need them to get to work... she is letting SO MANY PEOPLE down :(

i honestly can't say i will miss her show - it had sucked for a long time and i really only read the title of the show and delete it. fridays are the worst - i have NEVER watched it on a friday. oh no... i just let out an audible sharp gasp: Nate Berkus :( when will i ever get to see him anymore???? how come that sleazeball Dr Oz gets a show but Nate doesn't???! i think Nate should take over.... i must write to oprah about it. oh my gosh - who am i going to write to anymore????!!! arrghhh!!!!!!!!!