things i want to write reviews about on yelp/amazon but am too unimaginative to think up a screenname

plus i don't want people saying they found my review 'unhelpful' (because that would be devastating...)

eyefi sd card thing
this card is orange, which is what first caught my eye. it is supposed to transfer pics to your computer when you walk in from a tiresome day at the beach so when you've finally sat down in fresh unsandy clothes, with a can of ice cold diet coke, the pictures are there waiting to be awarded stars - 5 stars for a keeper, 3 stars for a possible headswap and 1 star for pictures that are just awful but as a mommy you just can't delete them ;)
anyway the card is crap and still requires attention each time it detects the camera is within range. then it proceeds to transfer the same pictures over and over again because it never erases them - ever! so it ends up transfering like 2500 before you finally go berserk and just delete them yourself (i only think to format when i'm very very bored) 0 out of 10

the mac
i've had one. for 24 hours. and it sucked! sure, they are pretty and minimalist and white (usually always a good thing as per my previous post) but not when it comes to c-o-m-p-u-t-e-r-s. everything on a mac goes big and small like it does when you have a migraine right before the vomiting stage. the mouse doesn't have a succinct nice call center clickety-ness to it. you can't be alone with your picture in an empty photoshop screen, always in a room full of busy icons going big and small and distractions everywhere. everything is backwards, just because the mac people are trying to be different and cool. and i hate the traffic lights and going on safari too. 0 out of 10

the above should NOT to be confused with the BIG mac
the same the world over. that is - pure joy. at John Wayne airport. in deepest Paris. after a day at magic mountain. just awesome and perfect in every way (without pickles naturally) 10 out of 10 :)

the olive garden
i hate the olive garden. it's the most awful soulless, generic rubbish place in the whole of America. the food is crap, the salad makes me burp and they bring like 3 'unlimited' breadsticks at a time. and did i mention the food is crap..... 0 out of 10

Maggianos
the opposite of Olive Garden. they play Frank Sinatra all the time. it's dark with cozy booths. you can book on opentable.com. the spaghetti with meat sauce is my absolute favorite spaghetti with meat sauce in the world and a to-go order comes with an entire loaf of bread and can feed our entire family for two days :) 10 out of 10 :)

Honda Odyssey
the most awesome car ever - bar none. 'get it and forget it' should be it's little slogan. it's got no attitude, it's hardworking and reliable, it's down to earth and faithful and just goes and goes and goes without ever complaining or getting worn out. it makes roadtrips a breeze, it's perfect for babies/kids/strollers/bikes/canoes and can even convert to carry an entire kitchen in the back. it has sliding doors which mean you can park in tight spaces and still get in and out with ease. it has a table. you can use the back as a little changing room at the beach. it deserves 100000 out of 10 :)

earthquakes
5.9 out of 10 (we just had one....) i think they're fun. but i never really know what to do when one hits apart from maybe hold the tv and go on facebook to ask who felt it :|

pinkberry
worst. place. EVER. the yogurt tastes like paint that the lid was left off, or worse - burnt coffee. the toppings are all total crap too. plus you can't take pictures. and it's like $7 :| MINUS 1,000,000 out of 10

Vons
i hate Vons. it smells like stale bread and the people who work there are really gruff. they don't even have a redbox and i can't remember the phone number i signed up with and the checker always has a huge attitude about it... it's the worst! 0 out of 10

off to bedfordshire xoxox