air freshener, farting dogs and bad words

i have been searching high and low for febreze ginger and nutmeg room freshener. even though the name febreze is very offputting - it should be FABreze, as in fabric/fabulous, not febreze as is febrile seizures, right? the thought of a product that you spritz in the air that causes febrile seizures surely does them a disservice? anyway i wouldn't be so curious about this FABreze product, if i didn't love jo malone nutmeg and ginger so very much... i am sure this FABreze stuff will suck when i finally do locate it as it's ginger and nutmeg NOT nutmeg and ginger :| but the wild goose chase continues for now through every cvs and walmart and walgreens and target i come across (and i must admit... it's kind of fun ;)

today i found it at drugstore.com. this store is my nemesis since they give you $10 off if you spend $50 or something like that. so can i spend just $12 on room freshener? nope i can not. so now i am trying to decide if i really need night vision goggles that will push the total to $59, thus earning me free shipping, $3 drugstore dollars AND $10 or whatever it is off. argh. am i sick? what would Dr Phil say about this? or worse still... Suze Orman???? i feel like one of those women who hides things in her car for fear of revealing her shopoholic ways to her husband. but at the end of the day, it's just an air freshener... and i wouldn't even hide the box (ok maybe i'd hide the night vision goggles since how would i explain those???? :)

today i read my children (pretend and real) Walter the Farting Dog which has to be the best book i have read in a very long time if not ever... (at least since Letters from Obedience School which is the cutest funniest book ever and i would read even if i didn't have to read to children:) anyway, "they" (people like that annoying smug Sears guy off the doctors) say you should read to your children (pretend or real) for 15 minutes per day. so i was feeling all proud of myself walking them to school (another good mother point!) as i had actually completed my parenting requirement for the day :) suddenly, my children started to yell 'hey, fart face!' at passing dogs on leashes. gasp! old ladies shook their heads in horror. i got the evil stare from people with no children, who should not be allowed to stare at people with children. "but it's from a book!! i just read them a book about a farting dog... they called him 'fart face'.... i'm a good mom honestly!!!" sigh. life as a parent here truly sucks ass, everyone is sooo uptight! you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. and yeah, i bet damned is a 'bad word' too. and 'ass' too. arghh...help me i am in hell!!! in england you can say 'oh my god' and 'god stewth' and 'damn it all to hell and back' and 'jesus christ' and no-one even whips around to judge you with their eyes. i miss england so very much ;)