things i don't miss about California

luke warm, stagnant tasting 'cold' water from the tap - with invisible floaty germs multiplying and feasting on each other's poo in it.  yes - ewwww is right!!!!

no roundabouts (except that lame excuse for a roundabout in downtown Orange that has crosswalks all over it because that makes sense???!)  how do i even begin to adequately express my love for roundabouts.... for starters: you NEVER EVER EVER STOP DRIVING here!!!  like EVER!!!  our mileage per tank of gas has increased from 320 miles to 370 miles here!  we get everywhere ten minutes before the GPS lady predicts!  they make you feel like you're in the Grand Prix!  if you miss your turn, you just go around again!  and you could just keep going around and around again if you felt like it - no-one would even notice or care!  also some roundabouts have pretty festive displays on them!  my favorite one is the huuuuge topiary Cape Cod display one!!  anyway, they're awesome and very lovely and i want my ashes scattered on a roundabout (preferably the topiary one ;)

they don't have Goldfish bread in California.  and i have no idea why :|

they don't have clouds in California.  every sky is a perfect landcape of cotton candy clouds here

they don't have good pizza in California.  at all.  and i've tried every single place in the state ;)   

76% of Californians are hyper-religious and judgy and in your face about it.  religion is most definitely like a penis - i don't care if you have one or not, but pleeeeease just keep it tucked well away... for i do NOT need to know about it :)

the beaches are dirtier, full of half-eaten corn cobs and dead seagulls and there are those ugly oil rigs that you have to photoshop out

the sand isn't as white and full of perfect white shells and the sea isn't calm and shining like it is here

the animals shelters are overflowing with overbred, unloved cats, dogs and rabbits in California... 8 out of 10 animals don't make it out alive. here you never ever see a desperate-looking stray dog wandering at the side of the road or a dead cat run over 17 times for the sport of it (and that fact alone was worth driving 3000 miles way way away from)  if you do see a wild animal dead in the road, everyone drives carefully around it and it's disposed of within an hour (just the way a civilized society should operate)

the post offices here are actually nice places that smell like brown paper packages tied up with string

the don't have Portuguese English muffins in California!

next episode: things i actually do miss about California ;)