still falling

seriously feeling
breathless and broken in two 
did i ever mention it's been the WORST.YEAR.EVER.
and now it's more than a year so.... worst more than a year ever i guess.  how long till the world isn't so horribly broken anymore.  every last little thing in the world is broken somehow or at best, badly mended with visible weak spots

ridiculously craving
Del Taco macho nachos: they are a therapeutic healing mess of wonderful melty jalapeno cheesy good/badness
greek salad.  whatever is in feta cheese: my body NEEEEEDS it :|
excedrin and diet coke (i gave up giving it up for now)

desperately seeking
a light blue Shabby Chic comforter with a ruffled trim (not ruffles on the quilt itself, no siree) and pretty pink/white flowers.  i'd take a green comforter at a pinch...
flowery painted clogs with a heel strap 
command strips that fix bigger problems like hanging shelves and curtains (i fear this house so much i don't want to put holes in it, in case it falls down again.  seriously, every structure feels like paper these days)
the perfect hotel on the perfect beach with the perfect 2 bedroom 2 bath suite.  and breakfast and direct beach access and kitchenette and plentiful parking and close to a McDonalds (WHY is this so hard to find???)

hopefully wishing
for things to be back to normal or at least have no visible worrying cracks
to stop clenching my jaw so hard it hurts to eat
to find a mouth guard that isn't vomit-inducing
for this place to go the fuck away - and in the meantime, please shut up too, PLEASE!
to sleep at night without taking 3 different pills, spraying my pillow with sleepytime spray and covering my entire body with calming lotion and baby powder.  SO FUCKING TIRED of being at 3%

hopelessly missing
people who act their mental age not their actual height in inches if not centimeters (for real: eyeroll).  New England: you're just too too old for me. or i'm too young for you.  or both.  but the gap is getting bigger everyday and i'm NOT turning into dust anytime soon and especially not here

kinda hating
96% of men and 90% of women and 3% of dogs (the little white pedigree ones who steal homes away from big black mixed breed dogs) i don't hate any cats
that i don't have a friend like me.  i'd text me all day long.  and chain-watch Embarrassing Bodies/Coronation Street with me.  and leave carrot and raisin bread on my doorstep for no reason whatsoever.  and go to the beach or Walmart at the drop of a hat with me :)  and i'd even share my chocolate with someone like me. but not my favorite pairs of shoes...
that David Bowie is STILL DEAD - the (dumb sooo not funny) joke's over, wake up already

back later............