all about rush limbaugh

i'd kind of forgotten about this grotesque-older-even-more-annoying-male-equivilent to "blythe beck", but over this morning's coffee i found some truly fascinating facts about 'the man':

his family refer to him as "Rusty"

his full name is Rush Hudson Limbaugh III

he is entirely deaf

he has been married (and DIVORCED... how odd) three times

born at 6:50am-CST... yes this is the second entry on his bio :|

he has been addicted to prescription pain medication for many years

he is the #1 nationally syndicated radio talk show host in America (this is why i avoid the radio at all costs - imagine how bad the rest is....)

he shares a birthday with Howard Stern... note to self: male capricorns are assholes

quotable quotes from 'the man':

• half my brain tied behind my back just to make it fair
• talent on loan from GOD (God must be SOOOO PROUD!)
• feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream
  
• i love the women's movement. especially when I am walking behind it
• one thing i want to do before i die is to conduct the homeless olympics. events would include the ten-meter shopping cart relay, the dumpster dig and the hop, skip & trip (God...? regretting that loan yet.....?)
• the most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down
  

at that point i got sick of reading and went back to playing my runway game :)

rain

there is a light drizzle over southern california today! horray!!! we spent the day at home, sitting watching it rain and drinking coffee and cooking and landing planes and photoshopping - as a result the kitchen smells A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and i have 20 brand new pictures waiting to be picked up at costco. which, yes, i absolutely must pick up in the rain :)

i had the misfortune however to watch "blythe beck" on oxygen on demand. this hideous creature claims to be naughty and sexy but she is nothing of the sort. gordon ramsay is... blythe beck - not in a million. she has red hair, is very tall/wide and has a gruff voice like danny bonaduce :| she thinks she is cool and says she "hearts" everything (bleck) and thinks mentioning her "iceberg babies" twenty times a minute makes her a cool, innovative new chef :| she is also overbearingly southern and annoying and cries and is loud and did i mention her gruff horrible hairball hacking raspy voice? yes i don't "heart" her a whole lot :|

i do however love, no "heart" tabatha and her most excellent salon takeovers :)

intervention is so sooooo boring. i want to see real addictions on there, like to camera lenses and the gnashing of teeth that occurs when the price drops on amazon.com and there are only 3 of that particular lens left and the returning of yesterday's purchases to IKEA to raise the cash for that lens since there are only 3 left so you just have to grab it, then the rabid stalking of the ups man until he delivers 'the shit'. heroin just isn't nearly as relate-able :|

hmmm i smell flaky biscuits..... back after the meatloaf and the mercy dash in the rain to costco for my pics................

loving...

• two entire lazy weeks at home, just us, all off work/school/etc with no particular place to be at any particular time :)
• sorting, deleting and organizing the files on my computer :)
• beating my highest score playing runway on my iphone :)
• ... while lying in bed each morning watching teen mom :)
• homemade chilled guacamole - gawd i wish we had some - and pita chips (trader joe's are good:)
  
• the completely white 10 feet x 10 x 10 feet studio on the 'good light' side of the garage with shiny white floor :)
• Bo, Danny's newest build a bear pet, who suffers from terrible gas and must take a daily pill for it :)
• being able to remember every last detail about last night's odd dream that Oprah interviewed a waitress who found a severed hand of a 1970s model, in a field of what she thought was pretty yellow flowers but was actually blond hair... the show upped the ratings so much that she was able to build 27,000 habitat for humanity homes in kentucky, the biggest of which being for her and Steadman to retire to :)
• flying kites at the beach on a windy day :)
• the smell of homemade meatloaf cooking :)
• the whole house being christmas free and clean :)
• a day to just photoshop - nothing else, JUST photoshop my kids all day long :)
  

just pets

nothing more nothing less... back to making an age appropriate playlist for the 9.25 year old (pictured below) who is tired of christmas songs and has outgrown the beatles :|

my robot "it"

• i don't think i really like the roomba
• and not just because the cats won't ride on it
• it is SO RUDE - it does a 180 degree turn if it sees dirt in front of it
• and it hides in the laundry room and pretends to get 'stuck'
• i follow it around pushing dirt right in front of it and it refuses to pick it up every single time so i have to do it - but it's IT'S JOB!
• it plays this triumphant little fanfare when it's done even though the floor is still an inch thick with cat hair
• and in the event that it is feeling lazy, it plays a sinister tune to let me know it's not feeling well and it's going back to bed
• or worse still it goes somewhere really dusty and gross (usually under the bed where it flatly refuses to actually CLEAN) and says 'uh-oh' over and over and over again like it's taunting me to go and find it and get all dusty and gross
• then i have to clean it's brushes using a special comb (eye roll)
• it follows the dogs around bumping into their legs and makes them all skittish and crazy
• it goes over the same little area over and over again (by the dog food - it seems to have it in for the dogs...) and seems genuinely to be messing with everyone's mind (dogs included)
• i always end up giving up and doing the damned job myself :(
• it requires cleaning : did i mention it has a special comb???!
• it can't go from the wood in the kitchen to the pebbles in the hallway without huge drama and upset and the above mentioned sinister music playing
• it has the work ethic and personality of a spotty teenage boy
• there it goes again to the dog food bowl
• off to vacuum - thanks for nothing roomba

sunday thingies

hoping
i find the elusive over-the-sink drainer at true value hardware - it's my last hope. i have exhausted every old person store and am even willing to face my nemesis, the terrifying swooping true value store parrot, in order to make my wish come true :|

wondering
why in the name of sweet jesus it's $47.32 at amazon.com????!


dying
to try the rich creamy tillamook chocolate peanut butter icecream - kids go to bed already!! it's grown-up time! (it's 4:56pm...)

wishing
that it wasn't so freezing cold here (it's 56 degrees and cloudy and just bone-chilling)

also wishing
the MGM lion's roar at the start of movies didn't make me jump every-single-time

growing
to love the sweet patchouli smell of my iphone these days :)

eating
one salted caramel chocolate. no more no less :) ok, two. alright, who am i kidding - the whole box :)

needing
a ridiculously early night tonight to catch up on intervention and my discovery health oddity shows, i'm all backed up :|

it's random but...

• i don't know why Catelynn and Tyler would have unprotected sex - urgh, i want to shake my wannabe adopted kids and slap them across the face! i lost 22% of my respect for them this morning watching 'teen mom' on mtv :
• though the thought of baby Carly having a sibling did make my heart skip a beat...
• ps is it even legal for people born in 1971 to still watch mtv....?
• pps i'm with mom - i think Farrah needs to spend more time with Sophia (who is super duper cute:)
• i made coffee in my teeny tiny thimble coffee cup... it's either going to be way too strong or completely addictive. first sip says: completely addictive :)
• we neeeed more tillamook icecream... it's the bestest
• the only thing that cures my multivitamin induced nausea is wearing jo malone nutmeg and ginger - i wonder if i could get it covered by insurance?
• i think spending $1069 on the 135mm because i can't live without it is kind of a have-to.... right....?
• and technically since it's life or death it should be covered by insurance too... right...?
• i have partially healed paper cuts all over my hands from tearing open christmas cards/wrapping paper with wild abandon...
• i hate the word bullcrap - bullshit is so much nicer to say
• and when people say 'this world'... where is the other world?
• oh gawd, it's a religious thing, isn't it? like 'not of this world'...
• our garage is all clean and empty and zen today :)
• we needed the tax write-off :)
• Aaron smashed our piano to smithereens
• so we're having a beach bonfire :)
• Danny is starting horse riding classes next week
• so i must find a totally cute brown velvety Ralph Lauren Kids-esque hard hat :)
• going to winco - for the icecream :) and hopefully some horsey stores along the way

Danny's nativity scene - with dinosaurs :)

white Santa is so 2008

christmas eve

christmas stuff

strangely exciting:
shooting tin cans off the wall in the backyard with the boys' new air guns (i have a pretty sharp aim and think i should join the BAU :)

somewhat heartening:
the sweet sincere thank you hugs that the boys gave repeatedly for their gifts

greatly intriguing:
the wonderful book of australian creatures and objects from T'N'T (thanks guys, we absolutely love it!!!)

unworthy:
of yet m-o-r-e jo malone and camera stuff from my sweet wonderful hubbie :)

pictures from yesterday's 135mm shoot... gawd how i loooove that lens, it's sharp, detail oriented, requires no photoshopping whatsoever and is wonderfully sparkly and vivacious.... if it was a person it would be Barack Obama :) or Aaron :) i am not sure how detail oriented George Clooney circa 1996 in ER is, so he didn't make the list :)









cute outtake :)

pluses

and no minuses :)

hosted...
a really really really fun playdate, attended by really sweet friends and a really nice Santa Claus who didn't smell like listerine or cigarettes and gave really good hugs :)

opened...
a present that looked suspiciously like a monchhichi monkey and it WAS a monchhichi monkey! a girl one with a pigtail and everything!! she has the cutest little monchhichi monkeyface ever T, i'm going to call her bubbles xoxo

also...
a huge box filled with every color of sugar sprinkle on earth... even jet black!!

also also...
a big brown box with a happy smiley face on it - Melissa i peeked at the JFK book and i love it! i am sneaking it to bed with me tonight xoxo

also also also...
another season of 'dead like me' :)

found...
and set dvr coordinates for 'teen mom' on mtv. oh yes, there is a God!!

listened...
to my favorite 2 song playlist:
space oddity by david bowie
all day and all of the night - the kinks
over and over and over again :)

programming my GPS
for neverland on boxing day. for realsies this time, no chickening out because it's 6 hours 6 minutes roundtrip :)

it was like christmas morning here this afternoon :)

my three little monkeys









the card pre-assembly

FWIW

for what it's worth i hate abbrevations like FWIW. and HTH. and TIA. and i despise PMLMFAO (nice visual:) but i do so dearly love STFU for obvious reasons though i think typing it in full is half the fun :)

gosh i sure hope the president of the united states still curses like a sailor... oh yeah, and i do hate the abbreviations POTUS and FLOTUS... GWB Bush could be considered a potus, but BO certainly is NOT a potus :) psst did i mention i have a new york times crossword crush on him? and i don't even do crosswords :) i have the nytimes crossword on my iphone and i can't do it to save my life. i thought if it stayed in the space, it was right... until i came to do the downs and all the acrosses were wrong (eye roll) i'll stick to landing airplanes, i think, and tossing paper balls in the trash can :) and word searches, i CAN do those :)

other fwiws:

i love when someone not very nice has a not very nice looking child. it's kharmic retribution in it's purest form :)

this is my favorite perfect brownie removing spatula

i hate static - i found a static ring tone. who??? and WHY???!! (and Aaron this is the yodel i want you to make for me... thank you kind sir:)

Cliffhanger Yodel sound bite  The Price is Right sound bites

i also hate the test of the emergency broadcast system - why is it always right in the middle of a kid's show?

i love our Dave Lee Roth lookalike auto mechanic Kevin, he fixed the chugginess in our minivan and now it purrs like a kitten and corners like it's on rails (not really but it sounded cool)

oh and i love when someone in a super lame lowered car scrapes the front of it going into a parking lot - my minivan doesn't do that ever :)

i love this cat riding on a roomba and am wondering how to get my cats to ride on ours (and buy a second roomba so they can fight as they pass each other :)

got to go and frost cookies... back later

today so far.....

it's sooo windy here. combine it being 3 days before christmas and the santa anas kicking in, and that equals a whole lot of crazy out there :|

shopping was sooooo not fun that i abandoned my search for the over-the-sink-drainer-thingie-ma-bob to come home to try to find a stylophone online that can be delivered by 24 december and listen to space oddity by david bowie... entering the house i stood on a freaking bindi (i am assuming, Tarnya, that the awful spiky balls that i get stuck in my foot are bindis?) and swore louder and more syllabled than i've ever sworn :| sorry neighborhood :(

at amazon.com i discovered, upon processing my wish list entry for a brand new stylophone, that i can type in any name and see that person's wish list :| what if that person had something really 'personal' on their wish list like a personal massager or worse, a brian culbertson cd??! Melissa i didn't see any brian culbertson on your list but i did see you had a musical starring Mandy (i call him Rube now...) Patinken on your list. did anyone ever fulfill this particular wish of yours? and if so, is it worth watching? and between you and me.... how much would you love to do the crossword with him ;)?

tomorrow we are hosting a Santa Claus playdate! yes Santa Claus will be at our house - coincidentally around the time Mr Aaron nips out to run errands :) i cannot wait to get pictures of the kids crawling all over him and hopefully avoiding his busted black toes and the finger that got thwacked with Danny's wooden sword today :) no cursing Santa... sheesh i cannot type Santa without typing satan by mistake... it's so strange.

off to bed to watch tv in bed with my honey. back tomorrow xoxoxo

our wall of awesome cards :)

our date at the pub today


we had to make our own dinosaur ornaments, they don't sell them anywhere :(

oh for the love of pete

(i don't know who pete is... for the love of george makes much more sense to me:)

(also Danny please stop telling me which toy you just saw on the tv that you want Santa to miraculously craft, wrap and deliver at such late notice...)

my computer is unfashionably 1980s this morning. just let me type already!! i have things to do, lofthouse cookie dough to whip up, children to drive to Grandma's, places to go, nausea-inducing multivitamins to recover from... i have no time for annoying spinning hourglasses today :|

i must find:

thing one: over the sink dish drainer - small and white. NOT this one from container store but THIS one from space savers, who are inconsiderately only located in NC... if that stood for northern california i would so drive up and get it today. i NEED it... the little log cabin had one and it was marvelous. i don't want a silver one, nor a big one, nor a colander. who knew being a housewife would be so hard work? it's not all bon-bons and days of our lives (which i have never watched... nor have i ever eaten a bon-bon)

speaking of which, we watched julie and julia last night - which i couldn't like for several reasons... firstly in the real world food should never take longer to prepare than it does to eat.... nor cost half your take-home pay EVER... and how can someone possibly cook 426 recipes in 365 days? i don't know whether she did, i had to turn off after the aspic scene because it was just so hopelessly lame. also anyone who shops at dean and deluca is a total blowhard because that store stinks like a plane after someone's thrown up on it (icky old cheese) and doesn't even have a decent sprinkle dept. and how interesting could a total ripoff of sex and the city but with a really dull miranda-esque woman who blogs about food instead of sex possibly be...? about 32 minutes interesting, that's how long :|

also on the list today: listen to rage against the machine 'killing in the name of' for the first time since circa 1996 driving to magic mountain with my honey and NO KIDS, as it is now officially on my christmas playlist. England, you'll always be my first love, you are so hopelessly silly and anti-everything that's generic and predictable :)

also find thing 2: envelopes (red ideally...) 6 inches x 6 inches. i bet paper source has them. but any trip to paper source ends poorly (as in expensively;)

also possibly maybe make Bobama doggie at build-a-bear... if buying thing one and two go smoothly. we'll see. back later xoxoxoxo

home again...

and never wanting to hear another discussion about kodiak bears. or poop :| or farts. or Tiny, the Kodiak bear-size Caltrans worker who helped us navigate the perilous guard-rail-less mountain road back to everyday life full of sad-people-in-bad-moods-rushing-around-buying-poorly-thought-out-gifts-for-people-they-don't-really-like :|

seriously. i have so far printed and mailed at least 4800 christmas cards and i just realized... i have an entire other excel spreadsheet of people yet to be mailed a card :| some of those names, luckily, have a sad face next to them due to:
a) mailing an unfashionably late 'new year' card
b) not mailing a card at all
but the others are getting a xeroxed card stuffed into a manila envelope ;)

i have a very curious post-it on my desk. it's been on my desk for one entire week and it's completely blank except for a mark where i started to write and didn't. hmm... i am afraid to throw it away unless i remember what the mark represents...

good news (and some bad news...): today we bought our very first toastie maker!!! i was delighted with it and proudly carried home my fancy 'sandwichera' thinking it was some cool invention like a panini maker thingie. until i realized it was just turned backwards so the spanish description was shown and it really wasn't that fancy after all :( anyway i plugged it in and waited on baited breath for the 'luz de preparado' to go out and anxiously assembled my cheese, onion and tomato creation on the device and attempted to close the lid... suddenly there was a loud crack and springs and pieces of plastic richocheted across the kitchen :( sob. and that was the end of the 'sandwichera'... RIP:(

off to bed. yes it's only 7:16pm. i spent the weekend landing planes with the runway app on the iphone and i am totally exhausted and wishing i could file a compensation claim for ailments associated with dragging planes around to get gas/food/maintenance :|

some quick pics from vacation....














they watched wizard of oz FIVE TIMES :|



it's so hard to take pictures of stars when you don't have the bulb thingie. i am sure there is an easy way to do it but we couldn't figure it out (and it was freezing and we had hot fudge brownies and two episodes of 'dead like me' waiting inside:)