things

i think the flu is finally behind me.... at last i have things in my head again and the energy to write them down.

and i can finally start my diet again. leftover chonbons to the freezer stat! put nothing BUT George Michael on the shuffle!! i'm back on track (the flu lasted approximately 5 months....:)

so, without further adieu, what i ate today by Carol Ann aged 38 1/2:

• one chonbon (before i tried on the black eyelet skirt and decided to start the diet with immediate effect... i did cut the chonbon in two therefore halfing the calories... but then i ate both pieces....)
• two cups of coffee - fat free creamer and fake sugar
• icky chicken breast and a corn on the cob doused in ketchup to add flavor, at Chili's (this diet is going to suck)
• 2 freedom colored gummies
• 6 strawberries
  
• 12 chips dipped in queso (i know... and i am going to suck at it)
• half a fat free yogurt and half a breadstick (sigh)
• a cup of peas and an inch of fish
• one french fry
• child's leftover frozen yogurt with gummibears drowning in it
  

exercise:
walked up to the corn field. got a hankering for corn and came back to go to Chili's for lunch :|

the new vacuum cleaner arrives tomorrow. sadly i was not plucky enough to break into UPS for it, nor convincing enough to talk Aaron into doing it. he said we can wait. sure, we can... men are sooooo from mars sometimes

i have deliberately not vacuumed the floors for 3 entire days. it's agony - like waiting to wash your hair after a perm. or like waiting to bathe your newborn until the stump falls off. or like waiting until it's daylight to go out and admire your brand new car . i literally have to sit on my hands so i don't vacuum or at least give the floor a quick seeing-to with the broom. but i want to able to really give the robotic vacuum cleaner "the floor" so to speak - so it can show us what it can do and shine for all to see! i am going to be very straight faced and Simon Cowell about it's performance... while secretly wanting to love it and hug it to death

oh well... off to see if Obama's at the frozen yogurt shop :)

more weekend pics...
a very evil cookie sits in the chonbon bag, mocking me

how Sam eats strawberries and cream

today we made little birds


then along came Mr Bumps... until he was placed under arrest by Danny :)

weekend in pixels

friday night walk/ride... this is honestly the way Danny rolls (he's practicing for the circus, apparently...)

at Target while we waited for our tires........

off to the english pub

enjoying a pint of (root) beer at the pub

at the herb sale, we bought mint, fennel, dill and some butterfly friendly plants

a really fascinating video about 'the hand' (i jest)

what we did in may

it isn't technically the end of the month yet... and i could technically bump into Obama getting frozen yogurt tonight at cherry on top... but i am taking a chance and posting my month in pictures 8 hours early :) the art of living dangerously and all that.... (if i do meet Obama tonight, it might even get it's own collage:)

danny-isms

i adore every single one and want to write them all down somewhere so i never forget them. so i am going to keep adding and adding and adding to this post as they happen. danny has another name for just about everything. a hotel is a "hotelo" and pizza hut is "pizza hunt". there's no such thing as tomorrow - it's 'next day' and yesterday is 'last day' :) want to know what something crunchy but not too crunchy is? yogurt :| and someone who's mean but not too mean? his teddy bear. gawsh i love the bones of him.

today he awoke and with his hands on his hips and his 'see this face? it's MAD!' expression snapped "i don't wike the smell in here!" he said. i sniffed and sniffed but could smell nothing. "it smells wike the rain and i don't wike it!" he said. huh??? "over there, that machine makes it smell like the rain!" ohhh, you mean the sound machine...

rectangles (sandwiches) for lunch. red things (strawberries) for dessert. yes, it does all get awfully confusing... but how i loooove 4 year olds :)

today's to-do list

must m-u-s-t must MUST M-U-S-T get the tires changed today. they are threadbare. but who wants to spend 4.75 hours at the Tustin Legacy waiting with only Michaels, Target, Lowes, Costco, Joanns, Whole Foods, In-N-Out, Pinkberry (bleck) and Ulta for company. not me that's for sure :)

plus the smell of rubber makes me heave. it reminds me of being gassed as a small child (don't ask)

oh my gawd!!!!!!!!! i just checked (for the billionth time) and my robotic vacuum cleaner has arrived at UPS in Anaheim :| what am i going to do???! i need it today!! i must find a way inside and without drawing attention find it and slip it into my purse and bring it home while charging it (yes i have a car charger... i thought of that already) and spend the rest of the weekend laying on the floor, gazing at the new love of my life.... honestly, how many parcels can there possibly be at the UPS HQ? it shouldn't be that hard to find, right???

i cannot believe it, the entire 5 pound bag of homemade bones are GONE. i really should start up my bone-a-gram business. dogs love to eat 'em, kids love to make 'em - it's a win win! oh but that might be construed as slave labor... a la jon&kate :| and we wouldn't want to exploit our children, would we???

seriously, how dull is this season going to be? if CPS get their way we will no longer see Joel puking in the laundry room so he doesn't mess up the house... or having his blankie tossed in the trash for getting gum on it... sigh, it's going to totally SUCK!

oh dear - the tire center awaits. must put on an extra spritz of JoMa to sniff myself whilst inside... i'm going in!

the school pic so far... it will be bigger and legible on the bookmark :)

Sam's teacher (left) is 6 months pregnant - but she can still jump like a wild kangaroo :)

us by Sam

friday

the awful stiff neck i had last week has slowly seeped into every part of my body and rendered me limp and lifeless. i think i have flu. so why am i beating myself up when one trip to the top of the slide at mcdonalds leaves me half dead and gasping for breath? why??? i am SICK!! (i think... i hope... or i am totally unfit and lame) i should be in bed watching Split Ends and sipping hot sweet tea with an entire packet of digestive biscuits beside me to dunk in it. sigh, the woman on Oprah was right: being a mom does suck 80% of the time. of course all the people with nannies/cleaners/no kids immediately jumped down her throat for even thinking such a travesty, i think she deserved the nobel prize for honesty and being super cool :)

today i photograph the third grade. with flu - i promise not to breathe on them while doing it and i swear it isn't swine flu, it's just regular crappy flu. and school is almost over so no biggie if it is, right ;) then as it's a minimum day, i am taking Sam on a big date. life must go on!! we are going to Maggie's Pub. after all, doesn't every mom take their 8 year old to a PUB for a date??!

i have decided the devil is living in our DVR. i bet no-one wants to come and take pictures of that though, why can't we have the Virgin Mary living in there instead? anyway, that DVL (as it SHOULD be called) always waits til there is some cliffhanger about to be announced at 9:59pm and then the big X comes on at exactly 10pm and it freezes at the absolute most crucial second of "and the winner is...." drama. just just just... one second more....pleeeease? noooooooo!!!!! and if there is a conflict, why must it choose the fighting show e-v-er-y-t-i-m-e over the trashy jon&kate tabloid show??? why???! clearly it IS male, in addition to having a cruel sense of humor. also, we have to keep a collection of small dinosaur toys all over the top of ours because the warm vents are attractive to our cats who climb up there to groom themselves and then throw up hairballs (why?? i have no idea...)

oh well. time to go... another day breaks in paradise :)

three reasons the president is totally awesome!

he loves dogs!! (though the trailing leash makes me sick with worry....) did i mention i WALKED DOWN THAT HALLWAY??! so our feet have practically brushed against each others, right?


he is like every other mom and dad at his kids' basketball games - no fancy chair for him, no sireebob! though he does look like he was maybe sneaking a look at his email (just like every other mom and dad:)


he waits in line for his greasy fast food hamburger (ok that's two things to love about him, ooh i wonder if he likes onion rings...)


he is on team Canon :) duh, of course he is!!!


ok that's 5... and i have more to come soon :)

today

this morning we braved a really cool Garden Grove playground. it was full of little bunnies scampering around and the boys were having a wonderful time... until Danny brought over what appeared to be a little furry toy... hmm, i thought to myself, we didn't bring in a little furry toy... seconds later i connected the dots - it was a RABBIT SKIN. argghhh, noooooo!!! put it down!!!! step away from it!!! do not try to kiss it and hug it, Danny!! and did i have wipes in my purse today after yesterday's toilet fiasco. no i did NOT :|

the next telemarketer who calls my house is going to to be VERY VERY SORRY. if they're wearing a headset, they might want to remove it before dialing my number...... however before i scream, i am going to keep them talking long enough to get their company info so i can report them to the donotcall.gov website! ohhh yes! it's that time of the month around here :)

speaking of which, i have a new obsession - the chombon. i have never heard of these fine creations before, but i bought one at the mexican supermarket in a fit of weakness, and it just might be the finest cake i have EVER tasted. it is indescribably exquisite.... like a flaky sweet pie crust with sweet doughnutty goodness spilling out of it and encrusted with tons of granulated sugar... light and heavenly, and soo sooooooo good. but now alas i must walk... urgh, damn you, stupid fricking chombon!

saying goodbye to our butterflies - they left home last night :(

before the bunny incident this morning

beach

this morning i took Danny to the beach :| it took an entire 30 minutes to get there in stagnant 55 traffic all the while listening to Danny sing 'chicka chicka boom boom' totally wrong, but refusing my kind offers of help singing it the right way (grrrrrr!)

it cost $2 to park (remember this is orange county - we don't pay to park, ever!!!) for one measly hour.... the next 15 minutes of which were spent walking at painfully slooow 4-year-old speed to the end of the pier.

andd the SECOND we got there, Danny needed to pee. "vewwy badwwy Mama" (arrghhh!!).we walked back painfully slowly to the restrooms - alas, they were closed for repairs. walked another agonizingly s-l-o-w 10 minutes to the opposite side of the pier to find the next set of restrooms - where were the filthiest, stinkiest, stickiest, unisex (of course), most grotesque, urine-soaked restrooms ever.... (and yes, i've been to Paris). oh and no sink.... and for the first time ever - no wipes in my purse! argghhh....................

seriously this is all why i love the beach so much. but we did get a picture or two, in the 15 minutes left between all that walking back and forth and the camera battery dying :) with the lensbaby no less - i have to give that thing a break, not only does it hurt my eyes like crazy but my left hand is developing carpal tunnel syndrome from it :)

good morning world!

dear johnie boden, you know you had me at hello. please pleeaaase stop encouraging me to spend more and more and more causing me to have to always meet postie in the driveway and quickly whisk my bags of swag into the boot of the car til hubbie is out fishing then smuggle them inside as 'hand me downs'... hubbie if you're reading, please disregard :) no more seductive emails PLEASE offering awesome deals on your fineass clothes. but since i have the website open, maybe just one little peek wouldn't hurt, you can never have too many summer essentials :) that man sent me a message on facebook too - he is relentless. i made such a stink over the dinosaur teeshirt, johnnie boden wrote to me personally. i am that cool/mean/sassy!

boden have this insanely hard to follow color coding/ordering system of what's in stock. translucent blue means in stock, pink means low stock and solid green means you selected it. THEN you need to buy the selected items! argh - it's soooo hard!! shopping should be easy and fun! i need to send johnnie a note about that. green should be in stock, an exclamation point should be low stock so grab it now, and when i click on it, just stick it in my cart already - seriously one step only!! this is the land of drivethru coffee and ATMS - make it easier for us busy Americans!

oh well, order complete. you win Johnnie... this time :)

random pics from yesterday:
making dog bones! so easy a 4.5 year old can do it!

however... if you give a 4.5 year a bag of flour... expect him to need a bath right after :|

he is superman (but he RE-FUUUSED to wear his cape)

the start of the world's biggest water balloon fight....

with his newly 'metamorphasized' butterflies

fake tuesday

i think bank holiday mondays should be banned and made into bank holiday fridays instead. i get sooo utterly lost after a bank holiday monday and think it is the wrong day every morning. and fridays are just more sassy and fun than mondays! i must write to the President and suggest it :)

why do people go out in their pyjamas? i don't understand it. yes, they are mighty comfortable, i agree, but i am assuming the woman walking her kids to school in front of me this morn had slept in those pink kitty covered pj bottoms and didn't have on any underwear beneath them? and if so, ewwwww. going out in pyjamas should be illegal. as should not wearing any underwear. i can slip a note about that into the above mentioned envelope too!

my robotic vacuum cleaner has shipped :) but it won't be here til next Monday :( right now it is sitting on a brown truck in deepest Indiana, fantasizing about my gritty floors while i dream of it's soft swirling brushes. it's a love connection - i can already feel it...

jon and kate plus 8 :| seriously how boring is this season going to be, if for the entire show kate is going to sit alone tugging on her earrings (eeeeeeeewww) NOT repeatedly berating Jon til he disintegrates like a salted slug .... it's going to totally suck!!!

oh well, i bet that rotten kate never makes homemade dog treats for choker and narla (those names... haha!) today we made them for our pups and since they are so easy to make, and our dogs love them dearly, i thought i would share my fool proof recipe:

• flour - lots of it, like a big bowlful (i don't measure things... but at least 4 cups)
• cornmeal - again i just dump a lot in, i'm sass-ay and carefree like Rachel Ray but without the annoying sore throat voice
  
• one egg
• a can of chicken broth
• mix it all together and add warm water if necessary

roll out and cut up with bone shaped cookie cutter or heart shaped one. we also make pretzels but it is not mandatory.

bake for at least 35 minutes on 350 degrees and leave them to go hard and crunchy while the oven cools. they don't last indefinitely because of the egg but my dogs love them and they are all gone within a week! but they are shelter dogs and consider cat poop a delicacy so clearly they aren't that choosy ;)

back later with pictures. bleck, must walk.

sunday

i dyed my hair 'dark ash blond' in a fit of restlessness mid friday :| i have definitely noticed an upturn in the fun i've been having since the transition so i am now anxious to dye it medium ash blond ASAP and start having even more fun :)

i am about to buy the ROBOT of my wildest dreams!! it's finally on sale after waiting patiently in my 'to buy later' at amazon for 6 entire months. it's one of those vacuum cleaners that whisks around the house sweeping up kitty hair and sand and putting all the dinosaurs and hot wheels cars it finds along the way back into their relevant toybox. or so the 100 5 star ratings would have me believe.... gawsh, if it does everything they say, my life just might be complete by friday! (saturday if it arrives needing to be charged - grr)

this morning we went to the dog beach with Blackjack who is completely awesome and well behaved... and Romeo - who always insists on living up to his name :| he will try to strike up a casual fling with any dog whatsoever, big or small, male or female - he isn't at all choosy :| and did you know it's an offense to let your dog show his love for another dog? yes! how can you make your dog not do that other than spaying/neutering/shaking a penny can like crazy, and screaming "ROMEO!! ROMEO!!! GET OFF HIS BACK, ROMEO!!" over and over and over and over again while being completely ignored. all while trying to take pictures (and making home movies) with a lens baby no less... what on earth was i thinking...? we got home from dog beach at 10am. now it's 5pm and i JUST crawled out of bed, so exhausting was that hour on the beach with my sex maniac dog and the evil little lens baby :|

completely random but what on earth happened to potato chips??! there was only half a can of stax when i opened them today... they were sealed alright but the can was half empty! that's the last time i buy lays stax (ha, riiiight....)

oh well, without further 'adieu', here are my fancy lens baby pictures. warning: viewing these pictures is almost as dangerous as taking these pictures. using a lens baby should come with a health warning i swear... and a coupon for free aleve.


that poor Corgi's little face! "call the police... he's right behind me!"

wordelicious

i need to blog very badly. if i don't blog, venom will start to seep from my pores and i will vomit repeatedly for days on end until the rancid stomach lining comes out of my nose and tearducts. dearest blog, bless you for always being there like a virtual freshly sanitized toilet bowl ready to take whatever comes your way...

i need to see Love by the Beatles. very badly - for the third time, no less. so i got this tantalizing email offering seats for $25. it was too good to be true! anyway you had to buy one ticket for full price and then you could take a friend for $25.... so i got a hotel room at Mirage, my favorite hotel because the rooms are entirely white and they have a CPK onsite (i'm that easy to please) and went to get my Love tickets. they were seats 1 and 2 on row A of section 108 right by the stage, where i have always dreamt of sitting, but each time settled for row A of the upper upper upper upper section (because i would never pay $330 for 90 minutes entertainment no matter how entertaining and wonderful it was). throughout the show, i would gaze at the people in row A of section 108, as the show illuminated the enjoyment and awe on the faces... quite clearly, they were having the time of their lives while i sat in section 303 in pitch darkness with the cheap folk :(

anyway.... did i grab those seats?? or even hold onto them to think it over? nope, though there was absolutely nothing to think about... it was a done deal in my head! and those tickets slipped through my fingers like sand and now they are now gone forever. poof! back into the hands of the beautiful people who live their best life (and to hell with Suze Orman). the only tickets left now are on row P. as in P for pathetic. i like row A for awesome. so now i am absolutely kicking myself and wanting to commit hari kiri (thought i never could.... i can't even watch fake stabbings on tv) for being such a STUPID STUPID PROCRASTINATING ASS. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! ok. i feel better........... not much but a little. who needs to see the stupid show again anyway... not me, that's for sure (she lied)

phew. that feels better................ anyway, scenes from the weekend so far:
ruth's chris. thank heavens for male waiters and creme brulee

Michelle in her bikini that i need to redo - her bottoms look like a sumo outfit (sorry Michelle...)

us today

Elliot on the street of my (west coast) dreams