boxing/dancing/guitar playing

i don't know why i make up such elaborate passwords. i can never remember them :(

today i took my multivitamin. this means i will be too nauseous and dizzy to even walk for the next 3 hours. why????!

my arms are S-O-R-E. too much boxing with Obama, maybe...? he's my trainer :)

i have successfully played "yellow submarine' on the medium setting! sure it's a Ringo song, so clearly suitable for low IQs but it's cool, right?! for someone who couldn't even do beginner a week ago...?

'just dance', the next wii must-have, has been waiting in sante fe springs for 3 entire agonizing days. clearly the mailman there is a major kleptomaniac too. i bet he is currently in front of his tv doing the 'u can't touch this' dance, when it should be ME :(

however the eye fi card arrived! and it's totally cool! i put my camera on my desk and bam! it puts all the pictures on my computer for me like magic! no more plugging things in and clicking 'ok' over and over and over! it doesn't delete them though which means i have to press 3 buttons myself - must figure out how to remedy that.

it's snowing in Yosemite. crap. i am guessing that means it's cold there...

things people are supposed to like...

but i don't, which makes me wonder if i am human or still a (resident) alien:

• the gap
  
• twilight
• starbucks
  
• baseball games
• sleeping in till 11am
• tattoos
  
• tropical vacations
• facebook
• flip flops
• chicago pizza
• talking on the phone
  
• target
• flying instead of driving
• fancy $500 shoes
• peperoni pizza
• going to the movies
• big SUVs
• new home communities
• church
• american idol
• the olive garden
• pedigree dogs
• museums/zoo/theme parks
  
• sunny days
• valet parking
• beige rooms
• snickerdoodles
• live shows
  
• marc jacobs handbags
• animal print a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g
• shopping at ikea
• dancing with the stars
• jamba juice
  
• piercings
  
• dreamworks movies (pixar fan :)
• late night talk shows
• south orange county
  
• all-you-can-eat snow crab legs
• parades (with ONE exception: the disney electrical parade:)
• killing bugs
• alcohol
• red robin
• mall shopping

things people are not supposed to like, but i do: (making me SURE i am still an alien)

• kmart
• instant coffee
• nonfat creamer
• dr phil
• staying at excalibur instead of bellagio :)
• little miss perfect
• overcast skies
• wearing black
• mary jane crocs
• hometown buffet
• burnt pizza
• all bran
• snails
• walmart
• martha stewart
• tap water
• 99 cent store
• minivans
• anaheim
• rainy days
  

this weekend i...

followed my iphone yelp advice and set my gps coordinates for exciting new places!!

was underwhelmed upon arrival at a couple of them (s'typical ;)

weighed myself several hundred times on the wii thingie (the little person advised against it - i overrode the little person)

became a Beatle!

r-e-f-u-s-e-d to be Paul :|

sucked at playing r.e.m. on 'guitar hero' which pisses me off more than sucking at anything else :(

ate cinnamon toast crunch for dinner each night

learned to box and punched my imaginary enemy really really really hard 300 times in a minute (enemies are good for something - carrying a coffee cup this morning hurts :)

did a lot of tightrope walking...

became a supa hula hoopa :)

was beaten at bowling by small obnoxious ("ooh yeah - uhuh!") children

rented 'up in the air' with George Clooney for obvious reasons :)

bought enough boxes of cereal to earn me free gallons of milk at albertsons (i live for lame stuff like this!!)

waited on the doorstep for Mr UPS to deliver my new eye fi memory card (the answer to all my troubles - right??? no more downloading pics... right....?)

bought new dankso sandals for vacation and waited patiently for their imminent next day arrival :)

went to the mission in san gabriel. it's official, i am soooo not a mission-visiting, pretending-to-be-interested-in-missions kind of person. sigh, one down, twenty more to go :|

hehehe

happy :)

sad :(

my child praying

the boy who is studying missions not really appreciating how completely awesome and selfless we are for taking him :|

worst.day.ever.

went to three stores to find the outfit i wanted in stock :| they were, of course, out of stock in the first two stores i tried :(

waited while some idiot woman at the store didn't have her stupid little rewards card thingie, nor did she know her phone number or last name - but she still was mentally capable enough to make sure she earned her damned rewards. arrghhh!!!

looked everywhere (ok, one store...) for transparent contact paper. and i couldn't think of the word transparent and kept calling it invisible so no-one knew what i meant :( assholes!!!

made an ugly cake that was edible. made some attractive frosting that was inedible and tasted like soap. combined they're SO BAD, i can't possibly give them to the intended recipient and must rebake tomorrow :(

went to Trader Joe's in Tustin for nutmeg - no Pedro Hernandez and fricking fracking goat cheese at the tasting hut. yuck!

did i mention Tustin is a hellhole? all the woman here are spacey-eyed, blindingly white, anemic and malnourished, and look like shocked/plucked chickens (if you can imagine a chicken wearing black yoga wear and a baseball cap and pretending to be the center of the universe) and they drive identical tanks around really really badly, with no clue how obnoxious they are to co-exist with. that's Tustin ;)

i have been using the wii fit for 2 days. today the thing asked me if i wanted a male or female trainer and i of course selected the lady (even though she has the same exact lumpy lower torso area as the man and her mouth still moves long after she has stopped talking...) anyway today my trainer "wasn't available":| so i had to have the man anyway :| SO WHY ASK ME which gender then give me the opposite???

burnt my pita bread trying to toast it. honestly :[

'16 and pregnant' gave me a huge headache. yes, having a baby hurts :| seriously :[

spent like an HOUR setting up the dogs' profiles on the wii fit. it's nearly impossible to hold a dog and step on and step off the board thing, waiting while it reboots SEVEN FREAKING TIMES trying to collect data :| especially when the dog weighs 70 pounds and likes to nip and pee everywhere :|

going to bed. the end :|

the good part - lunch at Ruby's (until i read the word 'yeppers' in an online recipe, and felt instantly sick and had to get my club sandwich to go :[

what i did today

• found the wii fit at the very very first kmart we went to! three cheers for Norwalk, California! it's official: kmart does NOT (always) suck :)

• accidentally happened upon my favorite little nature center in long beach, completely by accident, thanks to the nice british gps lady, who i think is much kinder than the old gps woman with the american accent, who says route 'rowt' instead of 'root'. she even sent us past a dollar tree full of never seen before action diggers (this = happy Danny :)

• went for a little nature walk that turned into a looooong nature walk filled with tree climbing, bird spotting, lovely conversations and dragonfly rescuing :)

• had crazy bread for lunch (the kmart with the wii fit also had a little caesars... could today be any cooler?!)

• encountered zero traffic/perfect parking spaces all day long :) we even zipped effortlessly by a couple of accidents and had the very best spot at school pick-up time :)

• had leftover chicken tikka masala. and it was gooooood :)

• got another season of 'weeds' in the mail from netflix (how i love little red envelopes in the mailbox)

• got a smiley box from amazon.com :)
  

• got peed on by Romeo (it wasn't all good :)

• helped the STUPID robotic vacuum cleaner get unstuck over and over and over - if i hear one more whiny robotic 'uh-oh', i am going to lose it with that thing!

• reaped the rewards of months of laborious rattie potty-training - the boys live in a 3-story townhome and used to pee and poop everywhere requiring constant cleaning.... now they are actually keeping the upper two floors clean, thus cutting the cleaning by 66.6% :) hurray!!! my paper shredder is happy too.... it has to shred all the junk mail to keep them in clean unstinky bedding

i don't get...

• the grown-up happy meal... same price/no toy. why??! instead of the toy, at least give us a cookie :(

• kelly wearing fur on real housewives. honestly, anyone wearing fur i just don't get, but especially her, she has no room to be more hated by the world :)

• men who say 'nopers'. fluffy clueless mommies who say 'nopers' are bad enough, but men?????!!! i ask, why???!

• ashton kutcher. not only does his first name have a silent h, but his second name rhymes with douche(r). and he's on team nikon ;) and he is the lovepet of a cougar too....

• why people say 'what all are you doing?' where were these people in third grade...? and how did they graduate to fourth grade??!!
  

• why they would cast a reincarnated Billy Mays lookalike as Amanda's love interest in Melrose Place... right when i was starting to forget him too :(
  

• why when i asked for tickets to Gordon Ramsay's cookathon thingie, i got tickets for some dumb 'beat the chef' taping this weekend that the company is pretending he might be on. i am soooo not driving into stinky LA on the off chance i see him.... must see or won't go!!

• what happened to Mark Wahlberg's third nipple :( i saw a trailer for that movie 'date night' and it was gone :( was it removed? photoshopped off??! why??! so sad!!

• why i am soooo horrible at tightrope walking :( not to mention ski jumping :(
  

i am excited
about anniversary datenight at ruths chris this weekend. no whammies!! if they don't have alaskan halibut, and if my favorite skirt is too snug before dinner, and if my new little silver necklace doesn't arrive in time, and if Pamela is our waitress, and if we sit next to clueless parents dining with their small children, and if we have to park outside mother's market, and if we don't get a tall booth, i reserve the right to be P-I-S-S-E-D and to swear

i wish
i lived in Massachusetts :( preferably Sandwich :) because i think it sounds super cute :)

i need
to pee ;) like reaaaally badly. but i leave it till i have a list of things to do (i am sure Dr Oz would be horrified and whip out a dissected diseased bladder to scare me into making better choices)

i want
to go and take pictures under the huntington beach pier. must pee first :)

i hope
my mini boden order arrives before vacation (it's imperative it does, in fact, or i will demand Johnny's head on a stick)

i kind of love
little polkadots

i kind of don't love
organic things in any way, shape or form

i bought
tank tops yesterday - which means the weather is bound to drop in temperature at least 30 degrees indefinitely

i have
to find the wii fit today by driving around the southland to every target and walmart on earth... wish me luck, i'm goin' in :)

kmart, soldiers and big white bunnies

watching lots and lots and lots of weeds (and kind of liking it though nancy bugs me... and it also bothers me that there is nothing very agrestic about agrestic...)

avoiding chocolate so i don't accidentally go nuts and eat the boys' very british easter eggs (buttons, always, in the smallest size, to avoid mid easter sunday chocolate overdose)

shopping at kmart. yes. they had me with that coupon :)

finally understanding which one is the nunchuk (even though i REFUSE to say that dorkazoid word... it the small remote in my world, and always will be)

making chicken tikka masala for dinner tonight - must make mercy dash to trader joe's for naan (and fresh flowers:)

eating it for leftovers tomorrow - it's infinitely better as leftovers for some reason...

obsessively stalking Barack Obama - he never, ever, ever has a drink or any candy on his desk (and trust me i have checked every picture)

wondering if anyone ever bites really loud into one of the apples in the oval office during a meeting :)

being baby-free and realizing i am so so sooooo happy to be out the other side of the whole babies/runny food/naps/diapers/eating receipts stage in my life (occasional pretend baby visit aside:)

going on vacation next week to Yosemite and now with Sequoia added on... there are 3000 year old trees there!!! they were planted in 1000BC!!! and they're 300 feet tall!! and they're 40 feet wide!!! and this is all right outside of Bakersfield and i never knew :|

hating the MEAN swedish girlfriend in desperate housewives. urgh Lynette, kill her!! seriously everyone on that street has murdered at least one person, and Lynette has the whole pregnant/ crazy/temporary insanity line to get her off the hook ;)

looking high and low for a scandinavian waffle maker and wondering if a krumkake maker would work... i have never heard of krumkake before but it looks good. although the gross misspelling gives me hives :(

pictures from the weekend
spent a lot of time in the sand pit playing with actions diggers (as Danny calls them)




fell in LOVE

hurt my elbow playing this

shopped at target

played at south coast plaza


rode on big white bunnies

watched Up about 17 times

acted like a "smooth crinimal"

Sam got a fancy new patch:) it requires more sewing :(

today is like, the best day ever!

because i didn't get strong armed into buying a toy today :)

because i found an amazing $10 off coupon for kmart at dealnews (that has since mysteriously disappeared - thankfully i printed 3:), and even though kmart sucks, i looove going anyway, because it makes me feel like i live in a sucketysucksuck small town, when i actually don't :)

because i got a really cool new brownie pan with little rubber handles that was absolutely free thanks to the abovementioned coupon

because that means i HAVE to test the brownie pan - right??!

because we are going to the Salton Sea tomorrow so we technically need the brownies

because people are smiling today and they haven't been all week

because i think the daylight savings haze is lifting ;)

because shopping with Danny and PB was actually easy and pleasant this morning (and i didn't have to buy a toy;)

because Sam is being picked up from school by Grandma

because PB is peacefully napping

because Danny is peacefully watching Up, courtesy of redbox (the magic free code is: breakroom)

because today my inbox was inundated with email offers for Vegas :)

because i picked Mandalay Bay for a change, their attractive $50 daily credit caught my eye

because it's where we're going the weekend school is over for summer!

because the house is clean

because i thought i had forgotten to sign up for the next 3 months of preschool, but when i checked my statement, the check has cleared

because the house is full of daffodils and sunshine

because it's friday :)

ok...

i clearly have some kind of debilitating illness that is making me sleep 12 hours a day, or daylight savings spring forward totally truly completely sucks and should be banned. i used to be able to skip carefreely between GMT and PST without a hitch but the past week has been a complete and utter bitch (gasp i'm a poet and i didn't know it... i've read too much Dr Seuss, i fear :)

speaking of bitches, i hate when people call their friends bitches. and i hate that superwhite people try to talk all cool and ghetto and hip, but still shop at (silent A)whole foods and listen to dave matthews band - it doesn't compute :)

it's early... i had a handful of ginger cat cookies for breakfast and i'm feeling like it's time to go back to bed :) i need visine and something stronger than coffee and ginger cookies to feel human again

the ipod touch didn't change in price overnight as it always always always does... i figure if i wait long enough it will be free :) the set of melissa & doug stamps dropped in price by $0.09 (i wonder why:) and i have had the wii in my shopping cart for a year and the price has never changed, not one cent. should i order it...? i am thinking no because if i can't work the dvd player without a nervous breakdown, i am guessing it might be too hard and will make me feel really elderly and lame. plus i do want to be in the beatles but i don't want to buy a guitar :(

off for more coffee and ginger cats... back later-ish

listening to
'green' by r.e.m. i really really love Michael Stipe even if he's a little pretentious and drinks out of a prell bottle ;)

wishing
i hadn't had a second pita pocket with my delicious el pollo loco chicken and rice dinner. note to self: two pita pockets is one too many :| and the tortillas that come with el pollo loco meals probably taste better too. but i just love the convenience of pockets, i need to invent tortilla pockets...

also wanting
to take on the dragon's den my fantastic housekeeping cart invention, with 3 bins for trash/laundry/things in the wrong room and a roll of paper towels and spaces for windex/polish/disinfectant spray, that vacuums as you scoot it around the house and sucks in dirt on the sides too! and a place to charge your iphone and listen to tunes as you clean. i'd so buy one :)

regretting
scraping all the skin off my knuckles instead of scraping the dust off the sidewalk, then having to sweep up dust AND grated skin and blood :(

wishing
we could zoom 2 weeks ahead. because that would equal spring break and fields of wildflowers and really really tall waterfalls and mountains in Yosemite

wondering
what happened to Dr Phil today... my DVR didn't record him. and tomorrow he isn't scheduled either. i sure hope he's ok ;)

looking forward
to bedtime (my favorite set of sheets are on the bed), and some much-needed runway therapy:) i can do Sydney airport

what i've been up to....

• sleeping from 7pm to 7am to try to 'catch up' on that missing hour's sleep (how i hate that missing hour...)

• obsessively watching and worrying about Clarice, Danny's new fish. she seems depressed, she squeeeeezes behind a shell which i read can be bad for her delicate scales... must figure out how to get the shell out without being viciously attacked by Clarice, she is a betta fish and they are very mean. anyway she squeeezes behind the shell and lies perfectly still for hours of end, looking very blue. she looks in need of 'something' - i just don't know what it is :( i wonder if fish suffer from daylight savings blues too...

• planning on taking a dreaded multivitamin to set it all right but never wanting to feel deathly sick for an hour following, thus losing another hour
  

• going shopping and buying absolutely nothing. damn you daylight savings!

• watching my amazon.com shopping cart... the price of the ipod touch drops every single day. hmm, when to buy it... it's like being on 'the price is right' (but with drew carey, that's why it's not really that exciting or fun:)
  

• figuring out infrared filters. it's hard....

• avoiding edge brownies but overindulging on non-edge brownies
  

• missing all my shows thanks to the new dvr (meaning i missed this week's 16 and pregnant and have to wait till tonight for a re-run. grrrr)

• always forgetting to return dvds on time :(
  

• almost taking a bite of my mouse - it's brownie shaped and my new mousepad is plate shaped :)

• wanting to test-drive my new old lady shopping cart but too afraid to take it to trader joe's and be scoffed by the aryan race that shop there

• wearing cool weather clothes on 90 degree days that start out cool that end up sooo not cool :|
  

back later... or next week ;)

tuesday things

baked
the world's most inedible, awful, dry, no-eggs/no butter "chocolate cake" (which should really be called cow patty). i think even the trashcan will balk at having to eat it :| delicious and moist, they said. whhhhatever, i said...

forgot
to buy eggs at the mexican supermarket, thanks to almost breaking my leg falling over a plastic bag. which is how i ended up making the above-mentioned hideous cow patty. it most certainly has been one of those days

went
shopping at the 'bargain basket' today too. it was awful and scary!! i didn't know placentia could be scary..... and i certainly didn't want to buy eggs there ;)

spilled
an entire diet coke over Danny's chicken mcnuggets :( but it wasn't all bad news - two out of four were boots and he didn't seem to mind the extra flavor :)

begged
Aaron to please return to the mexican supermarket for eggs to bake a REAL CAKE and also buy one of those old lady wire shopping cart thingies with wheels for the next flea market at the rose bowl (it's 11 april, i checked already!)

felt
itchy and out of sorts all day... i totally blame daylight savings and farmers in the midwest for my icky mood

wished
Friday wouldn't keep staring behind me like someone is standing there (it's giving me goosebumps...)

had
chili cheese fries for dinner. and they were so yummy!

thought about
making playlists for our drive to Yosemite. but just thought about it, of course :)

wondered
am i the only person who doesn't love HDTV....? Gordon Ramsay isn't quite so dashing in HDTV..... i can't work out what all the deep lines are about - must google that

loved loved loved
'murmur' by r.e.m. today (it was that kind of day)

meet Clarice, Danny's new pet - the shell on the right is her bedroom ;)


apparently this is how 'they' do criss cross apple sauce in England :)



a new lucky ice formation with 4 cubes :)

listening to...

listening to
automatic for the people by r.e.m. (it really is automatic :)

regretting
forgetting yet another british mother's day... sorry Mum :(

needing to
go and stay at the michael mancini (circa 1993) beach house again very soon

hoping
to go to bed early even though it's technically only 7:25pm right now :)

wishing that
my new rattie mousepad would show up already :( i have a mouse on my mousepad right now

eating
perfect sweet strawberries

loving
the rose bowl flea market in pasadena and already wanting to go back :)

feeling
a little sunkissed after all today's sunshine.. but happy :)

celebs i like:

• Martha Stewart - even though she makes me positively SICK with envy and i dread the arrival of her magazine each month because it makes me so depressed, i L-O-V-E her to pieces. she likes pretty bakeware and pets and sweet scalloped edges and good bedding and grosgain ribbon and everything that's good and wholesome. and i bet she smells like almonds too :)

• Katie Couric - no reason, i just LOVE her

• Patrick Swayze - pretty much all Patricks, no questions asked

• Bob Barker - i so miss him and can't bear to watch the Price is Right anymore :( even if those pretty ladies tell bad stories about him being a pig, he does the spay and neuter thing for his late wife you know! so he's NOT a pig! and Aaron's friends once met him and said he was lovely too. so there, barker's beauties :|

• Bill Clinton - he is just lovely and twinkly and all southern-like. and did i ever tell the Costco Yorba Linda story about him staying 3 entire hours after closing to make sure he signed everyone's books...? uhuh. i bet Bush wouldn't have done that

• Dr Phil - lovely and twinkly and southern-like also. and i love to quote him :)

• Britney Spears - she's just as cute as a speckled pup (see above:)

• Betty White

• Nate Berkus

• George Clooney/Dr Ross circa 1999 - no explanation necessary :)

and celebs i do NOT like:

• Kim/Kourtney/all of the Kardashians - WHO ARE THEY????!!! and why exactly am i supposed to be interested in keeping up with them...??

• anyone with the last name Gosselin

• Speidi (gag)
  

• Elisabeth Hasselbeck for OBVIOUS reasons
  

• Alex Trebek

• Fergie - her hair is so flat and lifeless :(
  

• Ben Affleck - though i get him confused with Matt Damon. but i don't like the tall, big headed one with poufy dark hair, the other one is OK ;)
  

• Mel Gibson - sooooooo not cute. and once i read he's a 'joker' it was all over for him. because i do NOT like jokers
  

• Dr Oz - he drives me crazy with all his doom-saying and pieces of dissected colon :( it's just not good tv... (and ps tv doctors should be cute always... and he is no George Clooney/Dr Ross circa 1999:)
  

• that young Dr Sears for the same reasons
  

oh there are many more... but i am tired and ready to climb the wooden hill.... back tomorrow :)

today i...

bought

• baby carrots which i am sure i will never eat but the rats will like them
  
• 5 teeshirts
• a big huge bag of teeny tiny apples (how i love teeny tiny apples:)
• 72 cans of diet coke
• 'whiskas' in stay fresh pouches for Friday who is getting old and needs wet food these days
• 4 plastic ninjas
• a pair of wellington boots in size 13
• shoestring french fries

dined

at tacos sinaloa with my baby daddy for friday night datenight. i had one crunchy taco and one soft taco because i just couldn't decide which i like more :) i still can't decide, they were both wonderful

received

my step-down rings from Lilly Ding in Hong Kong :)

cut out

lots of little paper birds to sit in the branches of Danny's tree

painstakingily painted over

every annoying little scuff mark throughout the house (there were 2500 of them...)

going to
watch the rest of the housewives reunion part 2 - i hope it's good!!!!!!!!!!!


(iphone camera warning)

today i:

• had far far far far too much caffeine :|

• painted the equivalent 0f 70 football fields of baseboard white... i am going to treat myself to a well earned handful of aleve, a large cornflake cake and some quality tv tonight :)

• walked the equivalent of 10 football field with a small child who has two speeds: way too far in front and waaaay too far behind :|

• spent 30 minutes in Michaels while Danny tried to decide which sea creature to get. he chose a mother wobster and a baby wobster, then cried all the way home because he wished he'd chosen sharks :|

• was kind enough to complete some stupid online survey for the cheesecake factory and they didn't even give me a coupon... it's official, our relationship is SO over :|

• watched 33 minutes so far of the real housewives of orange county reunion (must finish it before part two starts....)

• had chili cheese fries for dinner :)

• tried to stick a dumbass screen protector on my iphone... i cannot do this to save my life :(

• used my macro lens all day long

• went to bed early (well that's what's next :)

my kind of people

• love all animals (hating cats is an instant dead-to-me)
• drive unfancy cars
• give their kids names not verbs
• eat unorganic food once in a while
• watch my favorite bravo shows (but not project runway)
• recycle but not religiously
• love Obama
  
• don't wear white shoes - ever
• do nice things just because
• don't wear lanyards especially at disneyland :
• love mcdonalds
• don't wear flip flops (too much foot showing)
• hate olive garden
• never wear blue tooths
• love apple pie
• shop at walmart
• love to take pictures
• smile first
• let their kids have downtime
• don't drink starbucks
• are always on time - especially for their children :
• appreciate good manners
• clean up after themselves
• curse (mandatory)
• text instead of call
• don't answer their phones in company
• look the other way if a little boy needs to pee into a bush at the park :)
• don't wear foot jewelry or thumb rings
• bake and share their goodies
  
• like r.e.m.
• play with their kids at the park :)
  

today i....

• had 3 cups of coffee and one mini shredded wheat (no milk) for breakfast

• procrastinated at length over ranunculus in trader joe's and whether they would wilt if they sat in the car for over two hours (they didn't...)

• also bought daffodils for Mrs Kay (because we kiss up to our preschool teacher too, Melissa:)

• also... Danny tried almond butter and declared with sheer delight "i wuv it!!" (we bought the almond butter... and he got a 'try something new' sticker)

• changed my outfit a dozen times... the weather was so skitzo today

• raced Danny down the dueling helterskelters at the park (he won... his butt is much smaller than mine, apparently:)
  

• made rice crispy cakes with hershey kisses instead of marshmallow fluff

• read a really boring Dr Seuss book about Maisy with a daisy on her head... it was really boring
  

• made peanut butter and jelly hotdogs

• made it to school 2 seconds before the end-of-day bell rang

• tried to land planes in Tokyo for a change (i like Sydney better...)

• tried the fingerzilla app... i don't like it, but Danny does :)
  

• made teeny flags for the boys to stick in their burgers at dinnertime, there was a scuffle over the boy scout flag which i accidentally only made one of
  

• spent 45 minutes standing in Michael's waiting for Danny to decide which dollar toy he wanted (he picked an anatomically incorrect crab )
  

• made bird feeders out of pine cones
  

• accidentally ate a scoop of peanut butter with bird seed in it (crunchy...)

morning has broken

and i have no clue who corey haim is, but rest in peace :|

i'm incredibly bummed that i can't go to Mrs Kay's grandson's birthday party :( we will be in Yosemite celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary that day. ps Mrs Kay got married in Vegas too, 43 years ago (how i love her... and yes, she's old, huh?!)

i also love the old man who lives by Danny's preschool, who looks just like my Dad, dresses like him and walks like him... anyway i have been stalking him since about 2000 but i've never actually met him and talked to him, just watched him obsessively from a distance when i saw him out shopping. well yesterday i went to the park with PB (his first time on a swing!)... and he was walking his sweet old dog and he stopped to talk to me :) i didn't tell him i have been stalking him for 9 years... and he reminds me of my Dad (i didn't want to make him feel old...) who miss so much that just seeing him brightens my whole day... but he was absolutely lovely and sweet and kind (as i suspected he might be:)

off for more coffee and to brush my teeth again... then more coffee and brush my teeth again... same crap different day ;)

diets. presidents. air traffic control

i have only a handful of ginger cat cookies left :(

but it's a good thing, diet wise (i think :)

today i walked 5.5 miles :)

but i forgot to wear my stupid pedometer so i can't technically count them :(

i have looked at 562 dining chairs today :|

this is the worst one i found :|

and this is the best one but it's white only (scroll down to see what hell furniture shopping in america is...)

three pics i love of BO (there are about a hundred more but i was really just looking for signs of candy and diet coke addiction :) ok one more because it's just so darned cute:)

heading to bed early to valet park a few cars and do some Sydney air traffic control ;)

it's mimosa season


lavender too

johnny jump up, chicken tikka and chocolate chip cookies

photoshopping
pictures from preschool this morning... as much as i love the preschool, i love the gorgeous shady playground even more :)

listening
to helicopters and a baby mildly protest his johnny-jump-up time. but johnny-jump-up is good exercise, baby!

wondering
if pretend baby is too little to be trusted to sit under an oak tree and not fall over as i dash back to take a pic with my 70-200.... i am thinking i should take a cushion with me :)

anxiously waiting
for my brand new rattie mousepad to be delivered - i made it yesterday. it will be here today, right? i bet postie will keep it for a few days as usual... grrr

loving
leftover homemade chicken tikka masala better than fresh chicken tikka masala, the sauce the day after is just soooooooo rich and creamy :)

wanting
to bake chocolate chip cookies this afternoon... but i mustn't... but if i give them away... maybe i will :)

tuesday

i slept in the guest room, thanks to Blackjack having no idea of personal space in his sleep. today i dreamt that cars kept driving by my second storey bedroom window and everyone was looking in. then i realized our neighbors had built a wooden ramp from their bathroom window past my bedroom window, into our bathroom window, down the stairs (a sharp left turn) and back out to the street, because they had messed up their plumbing. it was very odd. and as always set in deepest England....

i walked to the library yesterday in 50mph winds, a perilously perilous 4 mile walk (in one hour). when i got home i dropped my pedometer and all my effort was erased :( this kind of crap is why i don't exercise :|

if i had my own not pretend baby i'd buy these stripy clothes even though this baby picture is kind of scary

if i wasn't so afraid of the post office i'd buy these dansko shoes. but i am pretty sure i'd end up returning them and the thought of having to go to the post office makes me sick with fear...

is it just me or does Brad Pitt's beard look like old person pubies...? i can't even look at him anymore :(

i haven't seen Pedro Hernandez in a very long time :( i am sure he is now an international model in Paris :( speaking of trader joe's they are SO SMART - they give each child a shell for shopping with them - Danny has asked 17 times this morning 'hey mom, wanna go to twader joe's?' (and he NEVER wants to go :)

in other news, my children have finally worn me down - we are going to be fluffy chick parents again next month :|

sunday

i never want to go to alaska. ok i never did in the first place, but the comments after this kathy griffin article should make the lower 48ers feel far far far superior to the upper 1ers ;)

and ps i don't like kathy griffin/andy dick. i just don't like sarah palin even more :)

yeah... and i still don't love kelly from rhonyc the most. when she did the 'i'm up here and you're down here' hands to bethanny... dead to me (and i don't love skinny girl margarita either...)

ps the countless countess is still awful too :) ok they all are!! they're the bestest, hollowest, sourest, fakest real housewives on tv!!

today is the boy scout pancake breakfast - i am so excited! and hungry too :)

last night i dreamt that i accidentally killed all of MJ's children while i was supposed to be watching them :| i am sure it has something to do with the stun gun thingie but it was very disturbing and real :| but i did take some nice pictures of them before i accidentally killed them...

we watched a lot of weeds last night. gawd if it didn't remind me so much of where i live... i'd like it more :( i'd like it more if i was watching it from this house)

if i wasn't so anti-pedigree dogs, i'd clone blackjack and register his offspring as a brand new breed with the kennel club - the blackjack terrier. he is the most awesome dog ever and i want to have a blackjack terrier in my life forever more

time to play with Danny... he's into star wars these days :)

saturday things...

... i hate:

buca di beppo. even with a coupon-keeper full of 50% off coupons i never ever want to go :| anyway tonight in a bid to eat dinner for under $20 we decided to confront our demon and go to buca di beppo for dinner. the wait at 4:30pm was AN HOUR!!! what on earth would Gordon Ramsay think of that... it's disgusting! i don't wait for good food, never mind lame bland crap food

people who dine out with their babies on saturday night. seriously, i have had small children for what seems like most of my entire life, and i just don't see the point in taking a baby out on datenight - it's no fun for anyone! they are just stuffed into a carseat in a booth in a crowded restaurant with no option but to scream about it. i have served my debt to society. i have stayed home for what seems like 88% of saturday nights since 2000 to save the world from the agony that is dining in the next booth to my children. i propose that people with babies be banned from restaurants (that do not have slides) on saturday nights :)

when diet coke in a restaurant tastes like cheapo crappo diet shasta and even when you get a new one and they SWEAR it is diet coke, it still isn't :|

the fact that my ipod is really really stupid and lame. i select a song to play (ie 'scary monsters and super creeps' by david bowie) and it plays it over and over again. i am usually so preoccupied buying ND filters and downloading e-books and replying to IMs and photoshopping icecream stains on shirts, that i don't notice until the 17th consecutive play that the song is on permanent, never-ending, maddening repeat. i don't know why it does it, but it drives me insane.

really lame boring women who stare at you, and then look away when you catch them staring, and then when you pretend to look away, they stare right back again. arghh, what is that??!

having to get up early on sunday morning (the underlying reason for all the above toxicity)

the fact that it only rains for about 35 seconds on days when there is a chance of rain and those 35 seconds are exactly when i am walking to my car :|

being too cold when the heating clicks off and too hot when it clicks on :|

getting used to a new keyboard that has home and end and up and insert in new locations :| i wanted a clickety keyboard so much, but i miss my old (quiet) keyboard already :(

my fancy new $6 moisturizing socks getting peed all over by the stupid dog. sure my feet were very moist after the peeing incident, but in a really gross way :(

off to bed to watch more 'weeds'......

did you know.....

this week is first child appreciation week on facebook: post a photo of your oldest child as your profile picture. let's show how much we appreciate the first born kids in our families for all they go through and all they do!

what the...? how bored was the inventor of first child appreciation week??! this can't be a real hallmark holiday, right....? since when do you celebrate one child for 'all they go through'?? clearly the inventor of 'FCAW' is a first child themselves with a big ole chip or their shoulder, desperately seeking validation and a pat on the shoulder for all they went through and all they did :) what's next, last child appreciation week? how about the middle children?? and the penultimate children...? sigh, it's just plain odd!

also odd: having a bird stuck in your garage and not even thinking to open the big huge 16 feet wide garage door to let it fly out, but instead trying to figure out how to slide open the tiny window with a feather duster and bust out the screen, all the while begging the bird not to flap in your face :) note to self: don't offer to think up the next facebook week theme :)

also odd: having voicemails that i have no idea how to check and having to just delete them to make the annoying red dot go away;)

what's on my to-do today list:

• go to superwalmart for spray paint. if we lived in MA or CO it wouldn't be locked up like it is here :(
• figure out which one of these eye-fi cards i need :|
  
• try to talk myself out of the 85mm AGAIN. i had it, never used it and got rid of it. so why exactly do i want it again...?
• try to talk Danny into giving up his loft bed because it casts a dark unphotogenic shadow across the room :)
• buy cream of tartar
• find datenight place on yelp - i want to go somewhere new and not crappy
  
• get $50 from bank for Sam who just realized we 'stole' his christmas money:)
• research this brick oven pizza baking thing...
• brush teeth :)

ps i really want a piglet :(

i want:

• fuzzy socks for my cold feet
• less salsa/more chips
• to remember to put lady gaga on my shuffle (it's still my favorite iPod)
  
• a three day weekend
• someone to please hem the curtains that have been waiting to be hemmed for the past year...
• anniversary datenight at ruth's chris (but not in Pamela's section:)
• 15% off at miniboden, not a percent less will do
• the red/blue beach hoodies to be available in boy 13 (they fit mums too:)
• valentino's pizza for dinner
• to watch the real housewives of NYC tonight (hmm i wonder if Kelly is still the most annoying;)
• to go back to Britain this summer
• to somehow get there without flying
• failing that, fly nonstop with BA (absolutely no changing in Ohare or JFK)

random pics from my last trip home... the grass really is greener on the other side of the world :|

and random 2008 pics (because i don't have any new pics on my new computer yet and i have to play with PS4:)

a random under the pier pic because i love it there so very much xoxo

loves:

• kind, positive people (who hate the same things as me:)
• days at the zoo with kids
• clean white sheets (changed by hubbie... i heart him!!)
• making heart shaped pb&js - though the cutter is called a 'love bite'... ewww that's an english hickie :|
  
• my new computer... it's fast (and shiny!!)
• Sam knowing the weather forecast always... and having the North Pole listed at weather.com :)
  
• my new cs4 and bridge that doesn't close under pressure :)
• getting paid $30 to eat 3 crackers at the taste test place last night (i liked the second one best:)
• did i mention i looooove my teeth....? i have been proudly smiling a lot this week :) and flossing twice daily and brushing 3 times daily :)
  

don't loves:

• people who drive with dogs on their knees - if i can corral small human beings into car seats and get them to sit and s-t-a-y, i am sure dog owners can do the same (dogs are as intelligent as 3 year olds, after all...)
• everything being on the left instead of the right on my new computer... and things that you mouse over getting all big and bulbous. that's too mac for me :(
  
• forgetting to take lunch to preschool (grrrrr)
• annoying STOOPID people who think grapes are bad for you... seriously lady, you're not fat because of pigging out on entire bunches of grapes :|
• 'people with cameras' who think 'moms with cameras' are clearly all incompetent and should stick to changing diapers (which is kind of funny in an unfunny tom lykas kind of way;) a cheap camera doesn't make you a bad photographer, just as an expensive camera doesn't make you a good photographer ;) gawd i hate facebook :|
• my asshole multivitamin making me feel sick in the morning... must switch to gummies
• Sam's dentist trip that revealed that he now has a spare tooth traveling towards his NOSE :| it requires surgery stat :(
  

today's going to be a great day....

• (even though Mr Bumps already threw up all over my chair. and the floor around my chair. and there is barf spatter on my desk...)
• (and i have a major unisom hangover...)
• (and Sam is 'sick' and wants to stay home - yesterday he went to school 'sick' also and i was supposed to make a doctor's appointment and take him out of school for it... i forgot, great mum that i am...)
• (and i have dreaded KINDERGARTEN paperwork to complete....)
• (and i scheduled my next dentist appointment on the first day of kindergarten by mistake while trying desperately to avoid doing so... must must must cancel that)
• (and tickets to the 'walking with dinosaurs' thing are like $100 EACH... unless you want to sit 500 miles from the stage with an easily distracted 5 year old... and you can't just buy one and have him go alone, no siree - you must buy at least 2)
  

nope, today's going to be a great day because....

• today i get my new computer!!!!
• we're a little bit closer to spring break!!
  
• my teeth are healthy and shiny!!
  
• the kindergarten paperwork requires a dental checkup - and Danny actually has a check-up today! perfect timing!!
• kitchen nightmares is on tonight!!
• and the real housewives of OC!
• annnnnd real housewives on NY! (Alex McCord is now following me on twitter - i bet she finds my one and only 'tweet' riveting:)
• i applied for tickets to watch Gordon Ramsay cook in LA!!! please please please a) let me get the tickets and b) let him yell like a maniac and c) call dumb people donkeys!)
• i get to go for a walk before preschool with Danny and PB and get my dreaded exercise done and dusted for the day :)

back later xoxox

dentists, russians and cats

hoping
there is a new kitchen nightmares on tonight... i wish i could work out what night my shows are on :( but tv guide is impossibly hard to navigate

wondering
if sending a note to the dentist to say i love him is too much too soon. maybe he didn't say i need 14 root canals and 25 fillings and 36 teeth removed this time so i will trust him enough to go back THEN he will say i need 14 root canals and 25 fillings and 36 teeth removed....? hmm. Aaron has a filling this morning (snicker) - i was going to send a note for the dentist, but i think i might regret it at my 6 month appointment when i realize i have been caught in an elaborate hoax....

loving
my fancy kettle. not only does it boil water for delicious instant coffee but i also use it to boil water for pasta and rice. AND boil water to keep the drains spic and span :)

still hating
Aleksander Petrofsky, Carrie's horrible boyfriend from sex and the city. after all these years :)

wishing
my children weren't singing LOUDLY right now in two different rooms (that i am equidistant between...) two different made-up songs :(

needing
to clean the kitty litter. as if i didn't deal with enough cat crap last night :[

staring
at Mr Bumps. he just turned his back on me :)

the sleepless night

i could not sleep for wondering if melrose place is canceled. try as i might, i tossed and turned and thought of cape cod waves crashing on the shore but i could not get melrose place out of my mind. finally i was forced to give in to my insatiable desire for knowledge and fire up the trusty iphone (which sleeps next to me at all times for such emergency situations :)

gasp... no connection... i pressed refresh over and over in desperation. not a sausage! i was forced to change beds to be closer to the thing that makes the internet work. and hey presto!! i was redirected to some site called cw (which i thought was the country/western channel...) but there was no sign of my show!! in desperation i checked buzzsugar and phew! THERE i found my answer - it's back 9 march! ahhhh now i could drift peacefully off to sleep...

enter Mr Bumps. the largest cat on earth. a 22 pound ginger tom, who weighed 6 pounds when we got him from the animal shelter : also the loudest purrer on earth. as in the whole room vibrates when he purrs. and this morning he was in the mood to cuddle. and purr loudly. and bump my face really really hard and run his tartared fishy teeth down my cheek to claim me as his (i like it honestly, it's how he got his name:) and worst of all, knead me (i wonder if he does this because i remind him of his mother...? do i really feel like a 8 nippled, postpartum, engorged cat's stomach...? sigh, i must do :(

finally Friday came in. and it was all over. a screeching boxing match broke out (i was too tired to watch) and the cats left to chase each other around the house, hiding around corners and pouncing on each other (it's so fun to watch - if you're not dog tired...) and i fell back to sleep.

so that's today's excuse for being achey and sleep deprived :)

still grateful:

• for naps and quiet time :)
• for diet coke )
• for aleve :)
• for healthy kids :)
• for my iphone that i miss horribly if i forget to take it everywhere with me :)
• for people who pretty much hate everything too :)
• for funny signs :)
• for cake wrecks :)
• for chocolate brownies :)
• for bad engrish :)
• for kids who occasionally let me take their picture :)
  
  
  
  

grateful list

i am grateful for:

• Aaron always making my coffee and it always being the bestest, strongest, sweetest coffee ever that no-one else can replicate :)
  
• uncrumby unhairy floors - thank you Sam xoxoxoxo
• Dr Seuss for writing kid books that i like to read
  
• Danny walking four huge laps of the park this morning with me without complaining (a whole lot...)
• pretend baby going on that loooong walk with us without so much as a peep
• Mrs Kay, thanks to a huuuge puddle at said park this morning, Danny had to change into crocs again for school... she said he would be perfectly safe and to not worry:)
• multivitamins for giving me back some energy
  
• the sweet sweet lady at preschool who goes everyday to feed the stray cat, who lives under the school, who is too shy to be adopted
• Mrs Kay again for not freaking out that a mangy old cat lives under the school
• the little girl and her Dad in line at preschool who adopted a shelter cat this weekend :)
• pretend baby again for falling fast asleep on the car ride home (this is why i have time to blog!)
• my new dentist and my perfectly white teeth (how i stressed that he would REFUSE to treat me and my neglected teeth:)
• the internet for giving me instant access to 'green eggs and ham' recipes for dinner
• the library for having 20 copies of 'The Twits' - Sam lost his and needs it for his book report (and i know if we buy it, it will show up the next day)
• the 99 cent store
• friends

tuesday

i overslept till 6:52am. urgh - but then... i remembered my teeth! so i sprung out of bed to run to the bathroom to use my new 'softer than cashmere' toothbrush and admire my perfectly white teeth!

Danny was telling me this morning about a game he and his little neighborhood friend invented called "elmo deserves it" in which they beat elmo up :| i had to pretend to be shocked all the while feeling overwhelmingly proud that Danny hates him too :)

and don't get me started on the backyardigans. i hate to see roadkill, but i would happily run over those backyardigans and then back up and do it again :| their voices - arrrghhhhhhh

Oh. Em. Gee!! Sam is VACUUMING! D-A-I-L-Y!!!! how i love our sticker chart invention thingie! and the fact that we get the vacuuming done (by Mr Fussy no less who must vacuum in perfect lines) for 20 cents!! however he is terrorizing Mr Bumps and that is strictly forbidden in this house :| except by Friday - yes i like watching cat fights (which i am sure is illegal, but so exciting to watch!)

it's Dr Seuss's birthday!!! browsing facebook is actually useful for the handful of people who post something interesting on their walls (you know who you are xoxo :)
here are my favorite of his books in order:
Horton Hatches the Egg (Danny too! he dislikes Mayzie very much)
Sneetches (how on earth did Dr Seuss predict the whole nikon/canon switcheroo in the 1960s??!)
Green Eggs and Ham (how Sam got to read his name so well)
The Zax
Fox in Socks (we have an alternative name that is racy, wildly inappropriate and i stress: we DO NOT use that name around our children:)
Horton Hears a Who
Go Dog Go!

as always my least favorite list too:
The Cat in the Hat (it's fun to read but i really don't like the cat at all)
Oh the Places You'll Go!
Too Many Daves...

back later xoxo

i love:

• special k yummy granola pretzel chocolate chewy bars (they were on sale at target AND you got a $5 gift card - i will buy ANYTHING that earns me a $5 gift card:)
• girl scout lemonade cookies. they look like slices of lemon and all healthy and nutritious-like, surely they are healthy and nutritious-like too... :)
• walking to the grocery store
• the way Danny says 'Abraham Winkin'
• cinnamon toast crunch - no generic alternative will do
• my new dentist :) Aaron was quite right, he was not an ogre. he has a charming Trey MacDougal/Orson Hodge air of calmness and correctness about him :)
• having zero fillings after 14 entire years of dental neglect :)
• having really really shiny clean teeth :)
• movies set in France
• the little town of Carmel-by-the-Sea
• having a really big steering wheel in my minivan... i feel like a bus driver sometimes (in a good way - i don't stop for passengers...)
• meeting a nice mom at the park who is actually human and cool
• big pots of spaghetti with homemade meat sauce (and la brea bread always)

i don't love:

• the incredibly dull Dr Phil family... anyone who lives in the Dr Phil house too
• lucky charms cereal
• the anticipation and overhype that surrounds movies like 'alice in wonderland' and 'where the wild things are'
• rat-eating snakes
• Jerry Seinfeld. i am sure he's very funny and all, but he doesn't hold the door for little boys and their mommies :(
• the millionaire matchmaker woman (for no real reason)
• bags of salad (for good reason:)
• expressions that start 'color me....'
• the ramones

back later with pics xo

white rabbits! white rabbits!! white rabbits!!!

yahoo 'thing-you-didn't-know' of the day: tigers also have striped skin. but i knew that already :( one time Friday had to have an operation on her leg and she was black and white underneath her black and white fur.

things i found out myself that i didn't know that are truly fascinating (to me at least):

• rats don't have thumbs
• rats can eat chocolate
  
• a group of rats is called a mischief (i need to fact check this...)
  
• rats have poor vision. to compensate for this, a red or pink eyed rat (eg Jerry:) will often weave his head side to side to add "motion" in order to see better
• rats have bellybuttons
• rats don't have tonsils
• a rat's fur smells like grape soda(note to self: never buy grape soda)
  
• rats can be trained to do simple tricks
  

Danny just came over to ask "hey mom... ever twied wed wobster? they say on the tv it's weally good!" then i must go there! wight away!! we once went on a very terrible gray line tour of NYC and the tour guide (who i am SURE was dracula) talked for 4 hours about the fact that Red Lobster had opened in Times Square and we MUST all try it :)

things i am grateful for today:

• a cozy spare bedroom for when the pets completely take over my side of the bed
• California being the first state to pop up when you press C on the state list :)
• Aaron making Sam's lunch (the smell of lasagne at 7am makes me ill...)
• coffee
• the smell of cedar polish (and a CHILD POLISHING!!!)
• the shiny new CS4 sitting on my desk waiting for the new computer :)
  

off to enjoy another day in paradise orange county. back later xoxoxoxox