disneyland

survived
disneyland... barely. but oh how i hate tourists who stand around looking disgusting and bewildered in elastic waist shorts (PS IT'S FRREEZING HERE) and fanny packs :| and always with the brand new reeboks - the dead giveaway if any is needed :)

found
the store i have been looking for all my mommy life: kitson kids. it's true - heaven is a place on earth :)

spent
far far far too long comparing mickey mouse cookie cutters... and ended up with the first one i saw

drove
home at the speed of light as Danny announced the second we got out of the car park that his butt needed to "bomit". we got home in 9 minutes and he then proceeded to play with his new argentinasaurus, Jinto :|

wrote
invites out. sigh, Martha suggests 3 weeks in advance.... 5 days in advance will just have to do :)

i made these with the kids today


but i actually ended up making them with his company as the kids got bored :|

watching the top ten dinosaurs is far more exciting than making cookie boxes and felt lollipops :|


even argentinasauruses need their butts washed :)

picture 444 in the candy store. i love that candy store :)

cotton candy stop

monday things

going
to disneyland in an hour :| sigh. why does everyone else exclaim 'i'm going to disneyland!' like it's the happiest place on earth or something? it's full of the most annoying people from all over the world - and their screaming snotty children - all squeezed into a tiny sweaty space :|

making
an argentinosaurus there for a child who has talked about NOTHING else since i foolishly mentioned there was a build a dino at disneyland. sigh :|

listening
to Danny and Lily discuss how much they love 'mentals' (mentos:)

writing
letters to the boys from "Santa Claus" :) i write a much cooler letter than those send-away places for $9.95 :) and i pepper it with Santa beating himself up for not always being very nice to HIS siblings and making sure to mention he takes good care of HIS pets and room in order to get a decent gift from Mrs Claus :)

loving
radio flyer. we got our trike from them in 2002 (model 33 = perfect for pictures:) anyway it's old and it lives outdoors and it's kind of rusty but i like it that way for pictures :) after years of abuse, being ridden by adults and reckless children, it just broke. i called them to buy the replacement part because the trike is kind of like a member of our family. but no siree bob, they wouldn't sell me the part.... they would only GIVE it to me with free two day shipping :) now, that's classy!

off to disneyland (sign of the cross) i'm goin' in.......

why....

why...
when i say 'no thanks' to gross icky sweet tarts candy do my kids insist on practically pushing it into my mouth, yelling 'it's good! you'll love it!! just try it!!' maybe they are getting their own back for my years of plying them with kernels of corn and tiny broccoli trees? but really i don't like sweet tarts! i know i don't!

why...
is my child scared of multiplication apart from when it's multiplying 26 days by 24 hours to equal the hours till the gifts arrive :| (624)

why...
is it that the second we put up christmas lights and fanciful signs and such in the yard that the santa ana winds return with a vengeance? (ditto ghosts and goblins at halloween)

why...
does a week out of preschool equal Danny crying and hiding in a corner about going back :(

why...
is it so hard to decide between a readymade no-muss-no-fuss-costco sheet cake and this homemade rainbow layer cake which will be impossible to make and cause me to cry all friday evening and my fingers to be stained and gross at the party?

why...
do i start off every monday morning vowing ONLY to eat yogurt forever more and by 3pm i am binging on stacy's pita chips and endless bowls of trader joe's ginger cat cookies :(

back later - got to run to trader joe's and NOT buy ginger cat cookies i swear :|

sunday night things

went
to dog beach today where all the dogs were black. every single last one of them :) it was soooooo cool!!!

made
a christmas topiary out of a box of leftover mini-lights and a tomato cage (Martha Stewart i salute you!)

received
our first christmas card (always from the very same sweet friend in England:)

baked
an apple pie which will have to be dinner tonight since we didn't eat yet :)

got
my iphone 'MissSpell' score up to A :)

searched
high and low for a cotton candy rental for saturday... Danny loves cotton candy and we love Danny, therefore he needs cotton candy at his party :)

checked
dryday.com to see if it is going to rain on saturday (which it is NOT allowed to do - no way no how) it says it is going to be a transition day from grey on friday (possible rain) to dry on sunday... this is giving me majorindigestion, an itchy neck and a sensitive tummy with stress. hmm, i wonder if we can set up a bouncer in the garage...? rain at birthday parties should be illegal :|

no clue what day it is :|

didn't
do ANY black friday shopping whatsoever yesterday :) instead we stayed in bed for coffee, cash cab and cuddles

did
deck the whole house with lights and little villages. we made a lot of new ornaments this year :) it's a very good thing as Martha would say

babysat
my pretend kids last night so their mommy and daddy could go on a date to target:) that equals 4 children. we read the elf on the shelf and immediately put the elf to work (thanks Chris and Jodi, he is named Scranton and absolutely adorable and treasured by my boys!) my pretend little girl immediately dismissed him as "just an ornament" :| i was forced to move him while she wasn't watching to prove he is real and she is now totally intimidated by him and his magical powers :)

bought
Danny's party favors at US Toys. there is absolutely no theme apart from everything being totally COOL and fun! oh and we had to sample the pizza and garlic bread that will be catering the party. it's gooooooooooooood pizza :) better than the garlic bread - yes, for the first time ever, i found pizza that gazumps the garlic bread :)

printed
our holiday cards at kinko's. yes kinko's :| and i love them! i hated white house the last two times i got their cards so i took them to the copy shop and viola/walla/bingo bango bongo (as people who can't speak a word of french say) they are done!! and i don't have to stress over unstraight borders, cropped heads, midwestern snowstorms canceling all UPS pickups :|

it rained
for 32 seconds today :)

the card: some assembly required

at their favorite toy store (ok and mine too:)


my own personal pocket-sized disneyland :)




the sick bay - one sick puppy and one sick boy who are feeling better today (fingers crossed:)

it's official

i cannot live without my iphone :|

today i asked it (WITH MY VOICE - NO BUTTONS! JUST TALKED TO IT!!!) if target was open today (it's thanksgiving in the u. s. of a.) and it flashed up a message saying "not till tomorrow at 6am". oh my, now that is quite something!!!!!!!! last night i said 'fart' to it and gave me a whole wikipedia entry about farting and a link to books i could buy at amazon on farting (walter the farting dog was on the list ;) forget healthcare Obama - everyone needs an iphone :| there is even a period tracker app which i am too shy to download but i think sounds wonderful!

anyway here i am trying to play paparazzi, look for the lyrics AND use 'i am t-pain' to auto tune my wretched voice and it's all impossible without the use of the damned iphone. i need three iphones to do all these tasks simultaneously:)

and either i have wicked swine flu or i cannot sing to save my life ;)

or..... maybe just i am t-pain sucks???!

and who the hell IS t-pain anyway??!

off to make gingerbread men with one white glove for our trip to Neverland tomorrow :)

which reminds me........


i've told him a MILLION times it's 'no-one wants to be defeated, showing how funky strong it's your fight, it doesn't matter who's wrong or right' but does he listen??? no he does NOT :|

back soon xoxoxo

tune wiki and other loves

i l-o-o-o-v-e tune wiki. it has to be the most awesome thing ever since the invention of a phone i CAN actually use :)

i love the channukah song by adam sandler - though tune wiki doesn't have the words to it. but it doesn't really matter that much because i know the words by heart :)

i love the Kennedy's so much - they're awesome!! i actually watched today's entire oprah :| i didn't know Ted Kennedy's son only had one leg - you learn something everyday. anyway, i love them all - we named Friday after JFK jnr's dog and our grey rat Teddy after Edward Kennedy :) i am sure this honor means more to them than having airports and freeways named after them... right??! i love that the 11 year old grandson of Ted Kennedy said 'oh my god' on screen and no-one shot him the judgmental shriveled up stare. i officially love the Kennedy's forever for this reason alone :)

i love perfectly clean reflective floors and perfectly spotless windows :)

i love watching movies in bed

i love that target had tim tams today! i didn't buy them because it was day one of my diet and it seemed wrong. but i am sure by weekend they will be mine though :)

i love Brian Culbertson - for all the meanest most horribly wrong reasons:) Melissa, he's coming to New York City next week ;) and LA too - so we can both see him live again :)

i love Elvis Presley :)

and i love Britney Spears :)

i love that my christmas card is done. and it has 90 highlight of the year on it... yes NINETY highlights :) and it was hard to pick :)

i love bedtime :)

ramble

i am on the dietest of diets!
i am never eating ever again!!
and it's really really hard to stop eating when you are used to sneaking a bite of unwanted child's waffle unconsciously here and there (the waffle is unwanted - not the child :|)
and a handful of ginger cat cookies on the way out of the kitchen
anyway i had to spit the biteful of waffle out :|
which i need to look up... that isn't bulimnia... right?
it's only bulimnia if you swallow it and then barf... right?
(argh american spellcheck says it doesn't have a n but it does - i know it does!!)
anyway i could never be bulimnic
because i hate being sick
it comes out of my nose and eyes
that isn't normal, surely?
blowing your nose and getting a tissue full of stomach lining???
it's enough to make you sick all over again :|
anyway, no food for me!
yes i know it's the holidays... worst time to diet, etc
but jenny craig says people can lose 12 pounds during the holidays
which i absolutely don't believe for a second...
and i am not doing her plan anyway
it's my plan! no food! nil by mouth!!
back later with the scoop on what i managed NOT to eat today
xoxox

air freshener, farting dogs and bad words

i have been searching high and low for febreze ginger and nutmeg room freshener. even though the name febreze is very offputting - it should be FABreze, as in fabric/fabulous, not febreze as is febrile seizures, right? the thought of a product that you spritz in the air that causes febrile seizures surely does them a disservice? anyway i wouldn't be so curious about this FABreze product, if i didn't love jo malone nutmeg and ginger so very much... i am sure this FABreze stuff will suck when i finally do locate it as it's ginger and nutmeg NOT nutmeg and ginger :| but the wild goose chase continues for now through every cvs and walmart and walgreens and target i come across (and i must admit... it's kind of fun ;)

today i found it at drugstore.com. this store is my nemesis since they give you $10 off if you spend $50 or something like that. so can i spend just $12 on room freshener? nope i can not. so now i am trying to decide if i really need night vision goggles that will push the total to $59, thus earning me free shipping, $3 drugstore dollars AND $10 or whatever it is off. argh. am i sick? what would Dr Phil say about this? or worse still... Suze Orman???? i feel like one of those women who hides things in her car for fear of revealing her shopoholic ways to her husband. but at the end of the day, it's just an air freshener... and i wouldn't even hide the box (ok maybe i'd hide the night vision goggles since how would i explain those???? :)

today i read my children (pretend and real) Walter the Farting Dog which has to be the best book i have read in a very long time if not ever... (at least since Letters from Obedience School which is the cutest funniest book ever and i would read even if i didn't have to read to children:) anyway, "they" (people like that annoying smug Sears guy off the doctors) say you should read to your children (pretend or real) for 15 minutes per day. so i was feeling all proud of myself walking them to school (another good mother point!) as i had actually completed my parenting requirement for the day :) suddenly, my children started to yell 'hey, fart face!' at passing dogs on leashes. gasp! old ladies shook their heads in horror. i got the evil stare from people with no children, who should not be allowed to stare at people with children. "but it's from a book!! i just read them a book about a farting dog... they called him 'fart face'.... i'm a good mom honestly!!!" sigh. life as a parent here truly sucks ass, everyone is sooo uptight! you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. and yeah, i bet damned is a 'bad word' too. and 'ass' too. arghh...help me i am in hell!!! in england you can say 'oh my god' and 'god stewth' and 'damn it all to hell and back' and 'jesus christ' and no-one even whips around to judge you with their eyes. i miss england so very much ;)

i love it when:
i buy something silly and pointless like small paul birthday supplies for danny's party and i find a forgotten-about gift card tucked in my wallet that covers the total :)

i get a little concerned when:
the new neighbor has a sticker in his car saying he likes to hunt tourists :|

i hate:
folding fitted sheets with a passion

i have to:
stop biting my fingers till they bleed

and:
delete all those stale unwatched 'secret lives of women' - that show sounds so promising but it's just awful and lame

i love the smell of:
baby powder and pink baby lotion

and:
neutrogena shampoo

i baked:
bread from scratch today. it totally wasn't worth the hours of waiting and made me thankful for trader joe's parbaked french baguettes :|

i can't help but wonder if:
foam glue isn't just regular glue...

and:
if 'praying hard' works faster/better than just regular everyday praying :|

i am listening to:
MJ 'the way you make me feel'

and wishing that:
my computer wasn't so slow tonight - death by photoshop. going to bed ;)

it's the monday before black friday

and my head is spinning like a top :|

deals abound, and i cannot decide where i should be at 5am on friday morning!! waiting in line at walgreens for a $8 snuggie (in select styles... that part worries me as the ad shows an animal print snuggie:), or grabbing the rubbermaid easy find container set of my dreams at walmart or settling for a 32 inch tv at target because it's only $240... or enjoying a free breakfast at the south coast plaza ikea (can you imagine that zoo?!!)

truth be told... i don't need anything :| and the people who shop on black friday are truly terrifying - like elderly female boo radleys but without the vulnerable sweetness. they only come out once a year to shop. they are afraid of the light and are ghostly white and doused in powder. they don't know how to drive but insist on driving huge boats and go when they should stop and stop when they should go. they pay by check - always - and write in illegible cursive really really really slowly :| they spend $70 on colored pencils in individual 25c packs. argh - i have a tension headache just thinking about it :|

here is what i realllly want to do on friday. get up like it's black friday. grab some chocolate croissants and coffee at the cream pan. zoom at the speed of light through LA at 6am. stop briefly in santa barbara to play on the perfectly glassy beach. drive north past llama and ostrich farms. turn right. keep going as per my map. find the gates of neverland. turn up the stereo in the car and listen to MJ and share a few minutes of singing/dancing bliss with my kids. drive south via less crowded stores around 4pm, pick up same bargains as the 5am crazies and go home happy :)

back later xox

loves........

(and don't loves... naturally:)

i love Mr UPS - he is fast and friendly and i love the color brown :)
i don't love Mr Fed Ex - he is slow and serious and brings boring documents, not beaming boxes bearing gifts :(

i love shelter cats
i don't love fancy cats

i love walmart
i don't love target

i love my iphone :)
i don't have a don't love about it yet :)

i love crocs
i don't love flip flops

i love pet rats
i don't love pet snakes

i love the soup
i don't love the dish

i love martha stewart
i don't love donald trump

i love cheesecake factory
i don't love red robin

i love the beach
i don't love "the river" (wherever that is....)

i love trader joes
i don't love whole foods

i love a full tank of gas
i don't love warning lights

i love cash cab
i don't love deal or no deal

i love wearing perfume
i don't love wearing jewelry

i love mcdonalds
i don't love burger king

i love biblical names
i don't love 'cool' names like jagger and lennon

i love duncan hines
i don't love the pillsbury dough boy

i love french bread
i don't love sourdough bread

i love the house being empty
i don't love feeling like i should clean up while the house is empty - i'm going shopping instead :)

night things

it's ok, oprah can retire now. why? because Nate is getting his own show! horray!!!! there is a God (and her name is Oprah with a capital O :)

today i got an email from Barry Manilow. this man emails me ALL THE TIME with personal crap and it kind of bugs me.... today's email was all chipper-like and began "i'm alive!! i survived the surgery" :| well, since we are such good friends, you would think he would have mentioned the surgery in a previous email or on facebook or something????! he is such an oddball, that one... and he signed the email 'all best'... i hate 'best' but 'all best' is even worse :| all best... seriously

while we're on the subject of odd, how on earth are the most searched things on yahoo today:
1) victoria beckham
2) dave matthews band

either:
a) they died today (gawd, that would be just my luck - they will die just to make me look mean... that happens all the time)
b)............. i can't think of a b????!

i felt slightly homesick today. we stopped at the most sumptuous british store in the whole of the united states. they have e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g you can think of, including my favorite floor cleaning product ever that i would even fly home for, as i absolutely cannot and will not live without it. it smells like freshly cut flowers. anyway i bought like 10 bottles of disinfectant and a lot of crisps in various crazy flavors like tomato ketchup, roasted chicken, worcester sauce, steak and onion.... how can a country as great as america have such crappy crisps???! just to make the homesickness a little worse, i'm listening to kate bush which reminds me of home more than the beatles and blur and smiths all put together.... i must stop listening before i eat all those crisps to appease my homesick blues

with Santa today, the sock monkey needs ears, yes i know, it bothers me too :)

we made sugar cookie people :) the ladies had hershey kisses for breasts, naturally :)

we made ornaments. the ones i made have a check next to them :)


and i hung my nut thing on the door :) then had a panic attack that someone with a nut allergy would touch it and die on the doorstep, and took it down :(

a piece of the christmas card so far....

ohmygod

it's official - oprah is the meanest woman ON EARTH

she is ending her show - how dare she! she can't end her show - i haven't been on it yet, celebrating the release of my latest book, scolding her playfully for asking about what she said she wouldn't ask about in the green room, and grasping my hands together at the end of the show in faux humbleness as the audience delights at finding a free copy under their seat.

she CAN'T quit - i didn't write to her to have Disneyland rented out exclusively to Danny's preschool teacher, Mrs Kay, and all her former 22 years of students yet :(

or asked her if she wants to help fund the new auto mechanic school that i want to start for women, where they learn to work on cars, belonging to poor people who need them to get to work... she is letting SO MANY PEOPLE down :(

i honestly can't say i will miss her show - it had sucked for a long time and i really only read the title of the show and delete it. fridays are the worst - i have NEVER watched it on a friday. oh no... i just let out an audible sharp gasp: Nate Berkus :( when will i ever get to see him anymore???? how come that sleazeball Dr Oz gets a show but Nate doesn't???! i think Nate should take over.... i must write to oprah about it. oh my gosh - who am i going to write to anymore????!!! arrghhh!!!!!!!!!

wednesday/thursday things

baked cookies....

and ate them all :)


unabashedly bawled my eyes out watching these clips

the lucky green parrots came to visit again:)


proof that sometimes life is quieter with boys, especially at the car wash :)




became somewhat obsessed looking through 18 years of daily polaroids taken throughout this man's life (and death)

and took random sweet pictures of sweet things

the search continues...

for the perfect plug-in automatic kettle (must be black)

i love my automatic kettle to pieces, but the time has come for it to retire - i bought for $19 at linens and things in 1998. alas linens and things is no more and now i think about it - duh, i should probably check bed bath and beyond, huh? they are practically the same store full of pointless crap that i can only buy if i have a coupon, then i can only buy one thing and have to plan on coming back next time i have a coupon - i am not sure how this works to their advantage...? and i always confuse bed bath and beyond with bath and body works and they sell entirely different stuff :|

anyway i have been through a plethora of kettles (two) so far and i am getting frustrated! one didn't turn off.... no auto shut! what the....!! the whole point of the automatic kettle is it doesn't do that stress inducing whistle that goes higher and higher and higher, causing my blood pressure to sky rocket and have to drop everything to rush over there to rescue it, before it boils dry and explodes and blows off my face :|

the present one is so heavy and loud, it sounds like a steam train. and i can't see the little window that tells me how full it is. lame.

on the possible next kettle list:



but.... i can already forsee the con of this kettle - the ugly chalky stuff that will build up on the inside causing the kettle to have to be tucked in a cupboard everytime polite company comes over

and this kettle:


which is the younger sibling of the kettle i have now - which cost $19 in 1998 :| this kettle is $59 :| i can't pay that :| even with a 20% off coupon, it only reduces to $47... that's still DOUBLE what i paid just a few short years ago! urgh, it sucks being logical and responsible.

so i am hoping and praying (ok not really praying) that on black friday, i find this kettle in walmart for $7. even though they don't actually sell it at walmart - a girl can dream, right!! and while i'm dreaming, a 135mm f2.0 for $500 would be super! and a new tv for the bedroom - 42 inches ideally, no bigger no smaller - for $250! dino roars for $40! the ipod touch (Sam's christmas wish) for $125! fingers crossed.........................

i think...

... studies that link 3 year old daredevils to a future life of crime are so hopelessly lame and pointless

Danny asking for three icebergs in his drink was the highlight of my day

... the words 'i love you' should be reserved only for people you really, really, really love and not thrown around glibly

... Bree Hodge is a complete fool - and a slut to boot, even if she does make her own croutons. Orson Hodge is the most wonderful man EVER to live on Wisteria Lane and i hope he does something suitably twin peaks to her :)

... tater tot casserole is totally cool! and i got all the ingredients at the dollar tree :)

... all the selling seminars and conventions geared towards photographers remind of the shark infested real estate waters of the 90s :|

... you should be able to sing over your itunes into your iphone microphone, using tune wiki and auto tune and use the voice recorder to capture the wonder of it all... it has to be possible... right???!

... it's time for a nice cup of tea in bed :)


his birthday invitation - as always totally themeless :)

what he got up to while i was buying a kettle in costco (he's going to rob banks someday...)

things i learnt this year

• it's nice to have a strong president again
• and watching the news isn't so depressing these days
• that things that start with "i" are not necessarily all bad
• that good good friends are all around :)
• that taking care of two 5-year-olds is for the most part, easier than taking care of one 5-year-old :)
• unless one 5-year-old is in a rotten mood :)
• that short hair is definitely more me
• and i might as well just accept it, i only wear black - no point keep buying things i will never wear in pink
• how to make deeply fudgy brownies (butter instead of oil and underbake)
• that really long roadtrips are good for the soul
• that Danny is actually pretty smart under that tough guy acrobat exterior
• that the right teacher can work magic (i love Mrs Kay:)
• that my art looks so much better when it's shrinky dinked
• that the dollar tree isn't so bad after all
• that i am really really lucky to be around people who 'get' me
• that i don't miss talking on the phone (i have used about 17 minutes so far this year:)
• how to count to 10 in japanese
• that rats are not that scary after all
  
• but chimpanzees are :|

part two

• i don't like Oprah
• her facing-eating chimpanzee episode has given me nightmares and i am considering suing for the emotional distress
• and i still am in disbelief that she didn't give that woman, whose face was eaten by a chimpanzee, a BIRTHDAY gift...
• it was her birthday for heaven's sake!!
• and she's Oprah for heaven's sake!!
• give her a certificate for a face transplant, Oprah - you know you could do it!!
• and totally milk it for another few compulsive viewing shows...
  
• anyway i always thought chimps were supposed to be nice and somewhat human :|
• but then again i always thought Sarah Palin would be the same ;)
• and she was really really defensive and dull as dishwater/Todd :(
  
• and i get soooo confused with all her kids having almost the same names
• what's with trigg and track and tripp? did they just read one page of the baby names book...?
• yeah maybe, huh?
  
• i can't believe she called Katie Couric 'the perky one'
• (gasp)
• i love Katie Couric!
• at least she isn't the 'folksy one who uses the word maverick over and over'
• she said it AGAIN - like in the first minute of the interview!
• i have a sore sore throat
• and a headache
• and the sniffles :(
  
• so does Danny - i forsee a day off preschool painting snowflake ornaments and dumping an entire tub of glitter over them :)
• i wonder if we have the hini?
• hmm..... i really should see what all the hoopla and hysteria is about, huh ;)
  
• does anyone else know who the hell Ed Pierce is?
• or want to take pictures like him?
• one time he was taking pics of a 6 year old girl and said she was 'so hot'
• O
• M
• G
• and... ewwww!
• it was a clip - he didn't see fit to edit that out??!
  
• yeah, now i feel sick too :)
• off to take some aleve
• and have some ginger cat cookies for the nausea :)
• back later xoxox
  
• 
  

holy crap!

i think... i really think i am in love with my (i)phone. and there's only one thing i previously hated as much as the phone.

my phone tells me what the temperature is outside before i even consider stepping out of bed. it also tells me what the temperature is in manchester, new york, cape cod, santa barbara and palm springs :)

my phone tells me the best places to eat no matter where i am and the phone number and a button to call them. and directions to the place. and reviews of what's best to order when i get there :)

it tells me when people are online and i can even 'talk' to them without ever 'talking' to them

and if anything really interesting is happening on facebook outside of drinking coffee and people being 'really busy' :)

my phone tells me how much the canon 135mm f2.0 is on any given day in case i happen to find a thousand dollars lying around

it's pointless stuff like a compass too

and a dictionary. and gps

but it's a camera!

and a video camera too!

and photoshop!

and a voice recorder to leave myself shopping lists like fish and eggs, so i don't end up with fish eggs (happens all the time)

pandora - which is total crap if you fast forward through every single song, even the good ones. but it's better than b.i.n.g.o. i guess ;)

it's connect four! and matching zoo for Danny!! and flick fishing for Sam!!! and word searches for me!!!

and a thing so when you're watching melrose place and you're a little bit bored with the lame storylines you can ask it what song is playing :)

and my latest love: tune wiki :)

so, as i sit here, i have ALL THE WORDS to 'it's the end of the world as we know it' by rem - and it's scrolling through them like crazy and keeping up :) i always thought it was 'turn them into flies' but it's 'tournament of lies'.... oh huh!

i just gave it an extremely hard test and asked it if it knew the words to 'the safety dance' by men without hats :| and it does. it's better than having a robot!!!!!!!!

yes i love my iphone. it's official :)

friday

dr oz
bugs me. and he makes me feel ill too. and (whispering...) he's just not cute enough for tv :)

poor danny
has an icky little tummy. even without watching the dr oz show :|

tamra
from the real housewives is, by far, the most wicked witch of the west

luciano pavarotti
singing 'o holy night' is one of my most favorite things about christmas

the sex pistols
are totally overrated and i have no idea what they are doing on my itunes :|

reveal
by r.e.m. never gets old

trader joe's
triple ginger thins are even better than his ginger cat cookies. and that's saying something ;)

pirate's booty
is admittedly yummy, but completely overhyped for what seems to be just cheese puffs without the orangey stuff all over them....

white house custom color
has the suckiest templates... i don't know who picks them but i'd hate to see their house

hanna andersson
has an outlet 16 hours' north of us (in Oregon!) and for a split second i considered driving all that way to get some stripy pjs, when fashion island is a 10 minute drive away :|

my new life

i have subscribed to martha stewart living in a bid to become as perfect and wholesome(disregard jail time) as the queen of america herself!! (and to support Sam's school fundraiser which also checks those boxes) so far she has bombarded me with several magazines and i am overwhelmed with the pressure to keep up with the daily to-do lists and recipes and ideas she insists are easier than they look but even the shopping list is daunting and contains ingredients i don't even understand like sanding sugar and sugar pumpkin... they don't have such fancy things at my albertsons :(

today i was all set to bathe the cats, work out (hahahaha), and 'start amaryllis and paperwhites for christmas displays' (like i know what that means) when i noticed - i have been using the wrong calendar! i should be working out (apparently that's a weekly occurance), cleaning out gutters and adding leaves to compost, then staking boxwoods with bamboo and wrapping them in burlap. sigh - i will NEVER get the hang of this :|

though clearly she knows what she's talking about - because if i had been following her calendar all week (admittedly on the wrong week...) i would have saved myself running out of sugar on tuesday (she replenished her baking supplies on monday and gave the unwanted crap to the food bank) and not having hand sanitizer in my car on wednesday and having to make a mercy dash to buy some. i'm sticking with the program! even though i don't technically have beehives to winterize :)

today i want to make this nut wreath. yes, i want to... but firstly i don't know what the hell 'size' is - it says it's an adhesive but i can just picture the scenario of orange aprons standing around me snickering in home depot when i ask for 'size', and then joanns - repeat scenario but with old dears trying to touch my pretend baby while making me feel AWFUL because he has no blanket/hat/socks/pacifier, instead of looking for my damned 'SIZE' :| and secondly, i don't know what mica is... the only mica i know is spelled mika and he sings like a girl (according to Danny, not me) urgh, maybe target just sell the wreath for $19.99....?

i did spy these cookies advertised in the half advertisements magazine... mmmm!!!! they are filled with gooey chocolate/caramel and i MUST HAVE THEM today!!

and this adorable little puppy who reminds me so much of Romeo :)

back later when i have finished my to-do list and have nuts hanging on my front door :)

xoxoxo

ps i want to make these totally andy warhol glitter portraits next!!!

loving:

• completely empty freeways
• the most awesome room freshener spray ever. it claims to be baby powder scented, and i was skeptical as always... but it really does smell just like johnson&johnson baby powder and it lasts forever and eliminates that incense smell :)
• homemade meatloaf with homemade la brea bread for dinner
• my lovely new iphone case that exceeds my highest expectations... i sure hope postie enjoyed it for the past 48 hours:|
• Aaron making wordle work
• Nat King Cole's 'stardust'
  
• wearing Sam's hoodies
• 'borrowing' the boys' almond joy bars from their halloween candy :)
• Danny coming home from preschool exhausted from too much chicken fat today :)
• datenight on saturday night :)
• my new pink snow boots
• reservations at a little cottage in the woods this winter
• school portraits coming home
• perfect little baby feet

wednesday things

photoshopping
pictures i took today of a teeny tiny squeaky one week old baby boy :)

reminiscing over
the very best grilled cheese sandwich ever for lunch :)

wondering
if the mailman is enjoying playing with my new iphone case... i know he'll deliver it tomorrow all innocent-like, looking not even remotely guilty for holding it hostage since tuesday. the man has NO shame :|

listening to
'smooth criminal' by MJ... this song has played on a continual loop in my head since the summer of 1987: "annie, are you ok? annie, are you ok? are you ok, annie?" repeat for twenty-two entire years :| (this blog is actually a detailed insanity plea, if needed in the future:)

burning
cedar incense... it seemed like a good idea but i am not sure i like the house smelling so pungently 1970s and we shall be forced to sleep with all the windows open tonight

trying not to forget to write myself a reminder that
it's show and tell tomorrow for Danny who, of course, is taking yet another dinosaur in :)

trying to outwit
shazam with my singing to see if it recognizes the song :) it doesn't, clearly i cannot sing :(

why, when i see a link labeled '25 fattiest fast foods' am i compelled to click on it... even though i know the results will be traumatic to me? :(

however it wasn't all bad news... the worst fast food item in the world is quizno's large tuna melt which is alright because i don't eat at quizno's and i don't like tuna...

next on my recognizable list (there are a lot of places that aren't in so cal) carl's jnr $6 burger... that's alright too! i don't eat at places where if it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face :| just that saying alone is enough to make it the last place on earth i would dine at. and it's expensive and they don't have a dollar menu and the food doesn't taste like it's been under heat lamps like at mcdonald's where the cheese gets all melty and sweaty. enough said.

however then i got caught up in this list and kept clicking and clicking looking for the world's ugliest car ever, the aztek only to find it at number 39?? surely some mistake?! i am soooo relieved to NOT see my car on the list.... right next to it :)

must go!! errands to run and people to see! back later....

you know the day is officially doomed to failure when...

... you get the long anticipated email - that the 'elf yourself' website is back in business - and try as you might (all day long in fact) you can't find a decent picture of each member of the family that looks perfect on the little elf's body :( and the dance just doesn't look as funny when the heads are cropped out of a crowd and all sideways and one face is too light and the others are too dark :(

and when you finally do get it to work and email it to yourself to enjoy over and over and over at your leisure, the stupid iphone doesn't support flash :|

... the green pepper you had planned to put into today's meatloaf turns out to be furry and black :(

... you spend $71 running to the store for a bag of sugar. and forget the pepper :(

... at any one point, for the entire day, all day long, someone is crying :|

... no-one can fasten their derned seatbelts by themselves and then they cry because you have to help...

... the mom next to you in line at pre-k asks if you like the bugaboo stroller and you tell her, oh yes, but it's not mine - i'd never pay $900 for a stroller, that's crazy....... only for her to tell you she has the exact same stroller :| (silence... turns full attention to checking contents of lunchpail)

... you watch a couple of minutes of a show called 'i shouldn't be alive' and get so completely engrossed in it that you can't look away, get a drink, fix a snack or do anything till you make sure that person survives being lost in a snowstorm for 7 whole days (when clearly the title and the fact that they're narrating the story gives the ending away)

... you forget the insulated bugaboo cupholder and have to carry a freezing cold soda by the ring pull to avoid having to have your frostbitten fingers amputated (as per the above mentioned show)

.... it's 85 degrees and you're still dressed for a cold foggy morning (and somehow worrying about frostbite)

... the mailman was supposed to deliver my white iphone case and he didn't - he kept it in his sack and took it home with him. and i bet he won't deliver it tomorrow either using the excuse that it's veteran's day :|

... you spend an HOUR drawing a huge picture on the chalkboard wall and then step back and realize it's completely crooked and the writing is bigger at the end than at the beginning :|

... you find out that the delicious ginger cat cookies from trader joes are responsible for the extinction of orangutans... seriously today SUCKED!!!

... it's ANOTHER repeat of tabatha's salon takeover and there are no new housewives on till thursday :(

... you can't decide if you should be writing you or i in each of the above and are too beyond apathetic to care :|

happiness is...

a white iphone that gives me directions to my nearest walmart (or furthest walmart if i am feeling crazy), lets me play connect 4 against a complete stranger (which made my hair stand on end - i don't like strangers) and even tells the time!! i don't possess a watch (too hopelessly poor and disorganized to remember to put it on, and jewelry phobic too - i get rashy) and am always everywhere 10 minutes early because i don't know what time it is... today i arrived to school pick-up just one minute early AND had games to play while i waited :)

and did i mention it's an ipod?????! and a camera! and a video camera! and a compass (because that's really helpful when you use stores as landmarks...) and a paper toss game! and pocket yelp! and auto tune so i can sing like Britney! the sum of all these things surely doesn't equal it's original $599 price tag, but it certainly equals $197 - especially when you have $120 in gift cards :)

happiness is also:

the wonderful insulated cup holder on the bugaboo

sweet buttery apple pie warm from the oven (and the amazing smell in our house)

having all the ingredients for dinner without having to improvise/run to the store

getting a long-awaited kid movie at red box (and peace for the next couple of hours:)

kissing a baby who smells like mustela

soft cool white sheets on the bed

shredding junk mail

animals sleeping on their backs

friday nights

a full tank of gas

chili cheese dogs

'shake your body' by mj

warm chocolate chip cookies

a second cup of coffee (which is where i am heading now:)

our day in the middle of nowhere

well, as close as it gets when you're in the middle of somewhere.... palmdale. home to many a shaky out of focus R.E.M. video of the 90s... and officially my new favorite place to go on a saturday to get far far away from here


they picked 19 pounds of arkansas black, fuji and granny smith apples which i still need to figure out a plan for :)

the fuji orchard... those little bags of cute baby fujis at trader joes that i love so dearly - they come from HERE!!!

these cows posed in return for the bruised apples :)

bullets

• i don't get the hills at all
  
• it seems too totally contrived and lame to be even remotely real
• but on the other hand, too totally lame and pointless to be made up
• i can't decide who is the bigger douchebag : spencer or heidi :|
• he is a grade A bonesmoker
• with a flesh colored beard :)
• and she is the posterchild for the phony unbearable american woman
  
• speaking vaguely of places with hills in the name...
• last night was the 15 year anniversary of meeting my hubbie
• in the hollywood hills
  
• he baked me chocolate chip cookies and took me to dinner in beverly hills
  
• he had the best twinkling eyes i had ever seen
• and i envied whoever got to sit opposite him at dinner for the rest of their life :)
• he made my coffee this morning
• he makes much better coffee than me
• and fixed my toilet (thanks hun xoxo:)
  
• i'm still trying to complete that fricking oriental trading company order...
• also on the to-do list: book cabin in the woods for christmas
• make the derned christmas card
• put together a dinosaur themed 5th birthday party for our little T Rex
• but i did order an iphone case
  
• the same one that Steph has because i love her so
  
• last night i checked my email under the covers on my new iphone :)
• ps Steph i loooove your pictures from your class xoxoxo
• and i owe you an email
  
• the weather at 4am was 53 degrees and foggy :)
• i don't know how to make my iphone not make funny noises - i think it woke up the dog...
• who was lying with his paws around Aaron :)
• will i EVER get to $49 at oriental trading company???!!!
  

loving having 19 pounds of fresh apples from our day in sky meadow
not so much loving the LA traffic to get home... i never see stars on the freeway which pretty much confirms to me that they're all robots

loving driving through dusty palmdale listening to R.E.M.
not so much loving that 'beachball' mysteriously wasn't on my ipod yesterday :(

loving (most of) my new clothes
not so much loving my oprah jeans - i should never ever ever ever listen to oprah. i don't want to look like her anyways ;)

loving the 50mm
not so much loving the lens baby

loving black polkadot toenails
not so much loving oval shaped dusky pink fingernails

loving day old stubble on cute guys (you know who you are:)
not so much loving dorky glasses on dorky guys

loving pretzel goldfish
not so much loving cheese goldfish

loving MJ (times a hundred billion)
not so much loving the movie 'this is it'... i want to see the concert made into a cirque du soleil show on the strip, not a documentary of what could have been :(

loving my sparklesome new white iphone
not so much loving trying to decide which case is the perfect one...

loving having bake-at-home la brea crusty bread in the freezer
not so much loving that i really shouldn't have it...

loving diet coke with three chunks of ice
not so much loving alcoholic anything

a dog’s purpose as told by a 6 year old

i love dogs... and loved this even though it's totally schmaltzy, a little twee and most likely a total figment of someone's imagination :)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
• Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
• Take naps.
• Stretch before rising.
• Run, romp, and play daily.
• Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
• On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
• On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
• When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
• Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
• Stop when you have had enough.
• Be loyal.
• Never pretend to be something you're not.
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
• Be always grateful for each new day..
• ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY

horray!

this weekend
i am becoming really positively upwardly mobile! my at&t thingie finally allows the purchase of an iphone at discounted price. and i want a white one. must be white and have a polka dot case :)

wondering
how on earth, when i throw a handful of alphabet cookies into a lunchbox, they always spell something completely inappropriate and rude like penis or sex :| i quit buying those potato alphabet thingies because of this problem: one day at dinner i looked down at my plate at dinner, and the letters read: faty. i wanted to mock those potato alphabet thingies for their AWFUL spelling but i was too embarrassed and ashamed to do so :(

still seething
that stater bros didn't even have my beloved yoplait creme caramel yogurts during yesterday's awful shopping experience.

but i did get
Pillsbury brownies for 50 cents - that is a total deal!!! however... i really like Duncan Hines a whole lot more than the Pillsbury dough boy for some reason. so who knows if they'll be deeply fudgy at all :|

looking online
for a whoopie pie recipe. i found one but they insist i need dutch-process cocoa and i only have hersheys. they swear my whoopie pies will suck if i use anything but dutch-process cocoa. i hate snooty recipes :(

the final straw
is that the recipe calls for buttermilk. who has buttermilk lying around??! and something called marshmallow cream?? what in the hell is that? to quote the dragon's den (best show EVER!) dragons, "i'm out". i saw whoopie pies at ralph's and susiecakes and corner bakery - no need for me to get out every kitchen appliance and have to eat the ugly rejects and then feel awful and lame for eating 8 in a row

off for more coffee xo

new items on the shit list...

old people
especially ones who insist on trying to drive and go shopping and stuff that involves keeping up with the speed of life. and is it my imagination or are old people kind of nasty these days? they used to be nice in the old days and smell like parma violets and have candy in their handbags and they were a little eccentric but fascinating and they were always kind, but not anymore! now they are just mean and annoying and try to touch my pretend baby, while i am putting my groceries on the conveyor belt :| do i honestly need to get a big sign for the infant seat that says "it's flu season so please do not touch the baby under any circumstances, even if his bootie has fallen off... that means you too, grandma!"... because i will :|

stater bros
i am officially boycotting stater bros. like, forever!!! today i stopped to get diet coke and noticed their baking sale - buy 10 items and get $5 off. how could i resist?! so i quickly dashed around the store, grabbing golden brown sugar and cream cheese (which incidentally was in a completely different dept to butter just to add to the misery) only to find on my receipt (after i had left of course) that the coupon took off $0.00 instead of $5.00 :| i called the store and apparently one of the 10 baking items wasn't in the promotion, but the nice cashier didn't bother to tell me that. i sent a member of my family back to claim my $5, but it's so totally over between us, stater bros. and i mean it this time. for real!!

hi-back booster seats
whoever invented this device is one sick puppy - hi-back booster seats are the work of the devil sent to torture parents of preschoolers just a little more. firstly they are ugly and have gross scratchy covers. second, when you thread the seat belt through the red thing, it locks everytime a kid pulls on it and won't budge at all, which requires the parent to crawl into the back of the car and unthread it completely in order to unlock it, fasten the seat belt, rethread it through the red thing, then climb back into the front of the car, by which time the child in the seat needs a snack and has dropped a beloved toy. multiple this by 6 times in an average each day and multiply that by 2 :| the day my kids outgrow the last hi-back booster seat we are having a carseat bonfire (and i don't care if you're not supposed to burn plastic!)

'tiger woman' at preschool
this woman insists on always waiting for my space even though i am not leaving :| this morning i refused to rush so she tried to squeeeeze her suburban into the compact space next to my minivan, as i wrangled a 5 year old in a poofy un-carseat-friendly pettiskirt and a past-naptime 3 month old into their carseats. tiger woman, i don't care for you very much :|

back after i finally eat for the first time today with pics xo

it's friday somewhere!

am i the only person in my house with eyes? apparently yes :| why is it... when someone asks "Moooooom... where is my snow covered miniature school house?", and i say "did you check the cubby where you keep all your books and crafts?" and he says "i can't find it!" do i go over there and see it right before my eyes in the cubby with the books and crafts??? why???!

no freaking way. i finally, after days of waiting and searching, have $49.89 of wares in my oriental trading co shopping cart!!! and it's free shipping over $49!! praise Jesus!! we are soooo having a christmas ornament decorating party when the box arrives :)

oh for the love of pete... i go to check out and suddenly all the things i have put in the cart previously, only to break off to fix a snack, pick up a child from school, answer an IM, etc etc, are there waiting to be purchased :| all $201 of them. now i have to painstakingly, one by one, delete all the extra things (waiting for the cart to painstakingly reload after each individual X) to get the total back down to $49.89. there is no empty cart button :| seriously, this is why i curse so much :| and why i NEVER complete an order at oriental trading co

off to drown my sorrows at amazon.com - where the cart is sooo much easier to steer :|

wednesday things

tonight i realized a lifelong dream - to enjoy a chicken dinner at Polly's Pies! and Polly did NOT disappoint... even though the place did have a faint smell of indoor dogs, and leo sayer playing in the background. but it was lovely and familiar and reminded me of my babysitter's house circa 1975 :) they even had my 3rd favorite pie ever (after my homemade apple and rightmoon pumpkin) from England - real life egg custard pie, which is VVVVHTF in the USA :)

bar none THE funniest joke ever:
what did the zero say to the eight?
nice belt!!

a joke i made up all by myself:
what did the one say to the eleven?
i didn't know you had a twin! (it makes sense... right...? or would eleven having a twin make it 1111...? urgh, i overthink everything....)

this is Danny's joke that he made up all by himself:
why was the three scared of the thousand?
because he was so much bigger (it's official, he's going to Harvard:)

off to bed in time to get nicely tucked in before criminal minds commences (squirrel man please LEAVE!!)

grateful saps r us

last night our family spent an hour of "quality time" around the table (after eating a homemade dinner together i might add) writing down what we are grateful for on little leaves made cut stolen home depot paint swatches. i had to add that they were stolen as we were sounding far too much like the people on facebook whose statuses i must hide to avoid vomiting over my laptop :) but technically it wasn't stealing as the paint swatches were free... but i am pretty sure all-you-can-stuff-in-your-pockets 'red pepper', 'crisp autumn leaves' and 'pumpkin patch' color swatches isn't really very cool...

anyway for lack of anything else to blog about today, here is what we are grateful for... some are in there twice as two people had the same thought :)

• all sorts of buffets all over the world (i swear this wasn't me)
• deeply fudgy brownies (ahem... that would be me)
• for all my toys
• Blackjack, Romeo and my buddy Humphrey (Grandma and Grandpa's dog)
• for my Mom and Dad
• home depot - hehe
• for my school, my friends and my teachers
• family vacations
• fishing with the boys (and actually catching something!)
• Uncle Justin
• being good at numbers
• the world wide web (AMEN!)
• kitty cats
• the smell of baby powder
• my house
• walmart
• my pets
• my Grandma and Grandpa
• opportunities to improve
• my beautiful wife (blush)
• Little Britain
• target
• my clever boys
• a wonderful family who all know how to laugh
• giving presents to my Mom
• smily babies
• el pollo loco
• Mrs Kay :-)
• my brother
• my house
• trips to Cape Cod
• a decent car
• my future iphone
• john's place onion rings
• being able to cook fish
• my bow and arrow
• my camera :-)
• cotton candy
• Mom and Dad
• my brother
• for big dreams and hope for the future
• bike rides with Dad and Sam
• for two wonderful dogs and the energy to walk them
• wood floors
• all you can eat vegas buffets (that might be me :-)
• pet rats
• healthy children
• food
• enough money to pay bills
• cadbury's dairy milk
• for a doctor who cares
• a healthy family
• venting on my blog (hehehe!)
• for the stores around us
• T.V.!!

whhhhhhhhy......

... are republican politicians always smarmy no-neck fat-asses who you know aren't very nice to their wives?

and ps Obama hasn't even been in office a year so saying progress a year on is 'slow' is kind of lame and fat-ass :|

le sigh <- yes i'm being fakey and pretentious and poking fun. le sigh is so pity party for one tortured soul woe is me :)

i am trying - TRYING - to find 4 books at amazon.com to buy for the 4 for 3 promotion. i swear they do it to piss me off, they put 3 books that i really want and the one book that would tip the scale 'letters from obedience school' by mark teague is nowhere to be found (except in spanish: which i already bought once by mistake) why amazon?? why??? why can't they do 4 for 3 on lenses? i know i could find 4 lenses i want... in a snap

looking on oriental trading co - i want to make ornaments but the selection is so overwhelming.... le sigh.

off to superwalmart for 'the scales' - heading inland to avoid runaway chickens (hopefully:) back later xoxoxo

stuff

didn't
go to walmart in satan ana as planned - it was just too scary to go through with, even though i really neeeeeed those scales. i bet i'll dodge bullets, swerve around runaway chickens and sit at green lights for hours waiting for people to hobble across the road in slow motion, only to get there and the scales will be out of stock or twice the online price (which i am just incapable of accepting) and then i will kick myself for even trying :

put
Mr Bumps on a diet. he was 6 pounds when we adopted him, now he is a hearty 19 pounds : according to wikipedia the average house cat is 10 pounds and a 'big-boned cat' is around 12. Friday is 9 pounds and looks completely anorexic to me - she never gets any food thanks to Mr Bumps, the bowl hog. so we moved the cat food bowl into Friday's bedroom to fatten her up and Mr Bumps has been furious with us all day. i don't think i can stand it anymore, i must return the bowl before his dirty looks kill me. sigh...

still addicted to (speaking of ginger cats and diets or lack there-of...)
ginger cat cookies from trader joes. they are so ginger-y and perfect with a nice cup of tea

received
an oriental trading co catalog with free shipping coupon code!! now i can shop!!! it's a very good thing :)

finally
found something funny about kathy griffin (apart from the fact that she is Andy Dick in drag) she said the thinner Oprah gets, the bigger her head becomes :) it's totally true!! and a little catty which is always fun :)

4am :|

yes i am up. with an itchy chest area that was so itchy during the night i just had to get up and get dressed and make coffee and fold laundry and make soup for lunch and sit down to research my condition when......... a child peeped his head around the corner to ask if it's up time yet. arrghh!!! no, it's most definitely NOT up time!! i have an itchy chest and am busy researching if it's a key symptom of H1Ni and i should be doing more than dousing my chest area with caladryl :

gap kids now has a stella mccartney collection. despite having a father who is the human equivilent to tofu (he's only awesome standing next to someone awesome - case in point: Heather Mills) i quite like her and so i excitedly waited for the big boys section to pop up. the cool looking (but instantly rejectable by my kids) sergent pepper jacket popped up but only in under 5s sizes despite having a picture in the BIG BOY section : and my baby's turning a big 5 :( and it's $128 so even if they DID have it in big boy styles i wouldn't ever buy it because my boys would never wear it for more than 3 seconds for a picture in a vinyl record store, in return for a chocolate milkshake : i am disappointed and ps these are a dollar at the dollar tree : and encouraging kids to "customize" (ie vandalize) their shoes with felt tip pens will NOT win you any mommy friends :

i used to like the gap a whole LOT!!! so much so that i had a gap card. now that card sits with a $10 credit balance that i can't find anything worth going into the red again for : now i never see anything worth buying and if i do find something remotely wearable it's only available in fushchia or all sold out in everythig but size 0-6 months :

and while i hate to go on and on and on about walmart and how much i adore them... i have to add one more reason to my ever-growing list - they now stock both eastern and california king bed sheets. target don't do that. for bedding for an eastern king bed you have to physically go east to AZ or NV to find it. target sucks!!

oh and another walmart like, i want these scales for rattie pictures - they are in stock at.... santa ana walmart (i always spell santa as satan... i know it's because santa ana is my own personal idea of what hell looks like :) i don't go to santa ana walmart ever, even though it's my closest walmart on paper. but today i must... so wish me luck... i'm goin' in :

my favorite things

so far of this year....

• our new president
• seeing him in the flesh - the first president i ever saw in real life and a really really good one at that ;)
• the yelp iphone app - we need never eat at a crappity generic restaurant again no matter where we are in the world :)
• listening to 'Stardust' by Nat King Cole, on a moonlit drive to Cape Cod for our anniversary
• our wonderful-crazy-busy nonstop tour of Washington DC and the White House :)
• adopting pet rats (and unexpectedly falling head over heels in love with them...)
• learning how to make reeeeally deeply fudgy brownies at last :)
  
• rediscovering Michael Jackson and seeing how much my kids adore him and his music
• driving to Vegas when it's still dark and stopping to look up at the thousands of stars above death valley
• making new photography-mad friends who are absolutely lovely to spend time with, and having playdates that last all day
• getting a shimmery lavender bicycle with a basket on the front this summer
• Mrs Kay :)
  
• getting disneyland passes and wearing them out
• a weekend away, just me and Sam
  

monday thought bubbles

i love that the mornings after the clocks fall back are so long and cozy and sleep-inny and relaxing :) that extra hour feels like a big cushion of free time to catch up on emails, shower, plan a playdate.... we need an extra hour every single weekend...

i so want to see the MJ movie this week - it's the only thing on my to-do list :)

my favorite lenses right now are my 50mm (xoxo) and the 70-200mm f2.8 (xoxo) which works like a dream without the lens hood and filters... it took me two years to figure that out :) i love sharp subjects and watercolor bokeh

i kept wondering why my camera battery was always flat - the charger outlet is turned off.... duh

i think next wednesday is a real life day off school... could it be???! what on earth will we do with an entire day off together? i love days off school!

Danny's room is all painted in shades of 'apple orchard' and 'peapod green' (a big schoolhouse chalkboard wall ready for murals of giant animals and cityscapes) and so are my feet :| now for the fun part - accessorizing!! (i soooo wish Nate Berkus was my neighbor :) and drawing on that huuuuge chalkboard!!

i really really like Barack Obama. like, reeeeaally like :)

yesterday we bought a teeny Home Depot apron for the rats. the rats are a definite christmas newsletter highlight of 2009

i love buying books at scholastic book club. today's book 'wooden teeth and jelly beans' about presidentials facts and oddities:) Bill Clinton's favorite icecream is mango... that's definitely odd

speaking of odd, the nuns at my school told me that even numbers are female and odd numbers are male and it has been doubted by most everyone i have empathically sworn was true. well... it was just a question on cash cab (my favorite game show:) and apparently it IS true as per pythagoras :)

must go - Danny is curled up in a baby bouncer sucking his thumb :| back later xoxoxox

have i mentioned lately...

how much i hate do not love badly abbreviated words? such as bday instead of birthday. and thx instead of thanks. and i haaaaate do not love 'alot', a whole lot. it's just so wrong and screams of a childhood misspent instead of diligently doing homework. and surely it's quicker to just type 'at' than to look for the @...? my most hated not loved abbrevation = d-land. urgh!!! i don't know why but i absolutely hate do not love it!

i am getting so so down about criminal minds -i absolutely hate do not love the new squirrel-like man in charge :( it WAS my favorite show ever and totally like a grown-up scooby doo (the mystery machine is the jet:) but with serial killers instead of lame old fairground bandits in rubber masks. i even did the following search online: WHY THE HELL DID AGENT GIDEON SEE FIT TO QUIT THE BAU?? (all in capitals to get my point across to the powers that be, if there are any, that i am NOT happy about his departure from the team) the answer: Agent Gideon (they used some other fancy name he goes by, but i only know him as Agent Gideon...) found the crime scenes too graphic and wanted the world to be a happier, cheerier place. seriously? yes seriously!!! what kind of FBI agent quits because it's too scary?? is the world officially falling off it's axis?!

looking on the bright side of life... today i got an extra hour in bed, which i squandered wisely - watching 'flipping out: the reunion' in bed, while shopping online at overstock.com and sipping darned fine coffee (and hot too!) it was pure heaven on earth! and we turned Danny's bedroom into a humungous chalkboard! and i got some new jeans! and it's only a WEEK till 8 november! and umm... i smell like nutmeg and ginger!! and the kitchen is totally zen like and clean! and i found out today why you don't see white dog poop lying around anymore!! it's been a good good day around here ;)

joshua trees are one pro for living in CA... i bet they don't have cool joshua trees in Cape Cod


we love play doh :)


trick or treating at the 'white house', my favorite house in the neighborhood :)